Popular (At least for a week)

New to the sidebar (and to the links farm) is Popular, tracing every weekly UK best-seller-by-volume single in stores according to the GRRR paradigm. It's not as scholarly as the three GRR(R) Books of Number One Singles, but then neither does it claim to be.

I'm out on a limb here, but I don't really subscribe to some of the fine detail of Gambicinni, Rice, Rice, and Read's chart selection. From 1952 to 1960, there was no choice - the NME chart was the chart of record.
In March 1960, Record Retailer began to make its own chart. It's clear that this chart was a bit of a bodge for many years - it was consistently wrong during 1960, and deviated from the better-resourced NME chart during the decade. Record Retailer finally sunk lots of money into compiling a proper chart in early 1969, and after a bit of a painful start, the RR chart is generally seen as the chart of record from around 1970. Only the record companies selling out on the singles format in the mid-to-late 90s undermined the quality of the chart.
Why might GRRR have chosen an inferior listing? Two reasons spring to mind. Firstly, the RR chart was consistently 50 places, every week during the 60s. The NME chart never reached below position 30. When the first British Hit Singles book came out in 1977, those extra 20 places added a lot of singles to the book. The other possible reason: the NME's archives were never the best, and IPC magazines seemed beset by strikes almost every month during the 70s.

Personally, I see the NME chart as being canon - at least in determining the number one single - until the end of 1969, with the Record Retailer / Music Week / CIN chart taking over from the start of 1970. These days, of course, the decision is moot, as the CIN chart has been the only widely-available listing since 1995.

But to return to Popular - anyone who ranks Hoots Mon as one of the best chart-toppers of the 50s is clearly talking a lot of sense.

A few links

From Het Graun, a well-considered article on the dangers of phobile moans. According to the article, 70% of people 16-34 couldn't live without their Handy. I've never bought into the cult of the mobile; sure, they're useful when British Failways live down to their name (an all-too-regular event), but all they have to do is make a call, receive a call, and (er) that's it. SMS, answering machines, they're less useful. Colour screens, ringtones that sound nothing like the tune they're meant to be, this is all complete frippery and frivolity. In the light of the BBC's embrace of über-high-tech gimmicks, you might wish to call me a Luddite, or you might wish to call me behind the times, but you'll have to call me on a landline.

Roy Greenslade reads the newspapers from one year ago.
The Toad: "[Iraq] will soon become the most democratic state in the Arab world."
The Tabloid: "America and Britain are liberating allies, not oppressing invaders."
The Pornographersrag: "Tony Blair's utter determination to see this battle through has been thoroughly vindicated."
Richardan Judy: "Weapons of mass destruction, or their components, will surely soon surface."
Robert Kilroy-Shaft: "The British and Americans are successful democracies with proud records on human rights. Both can be relied upon to keep their word and act with altruism."
The Torygraph: "Doom-mongers have naturally seized on the looting in liberated Iraq. But if that is the worst that they can find to complain about, then there is much cause for optimism."

Oops.

Not in my name, Tony. Not in my name.

The people of Fallujah carried their dead to the city's soccer stadium and buried them under the field on Friday, unable to get to cemeteries because of a U.S. siege of the city.

As the struggle for Fallujah entered a fifth day, hundreds of women, children and the elderly streamed out of the city. Marines ordered Iraqi men of ''military age'' to stay behind, sometimes turning back entire families if they refused to be separated.

This deserves another airing

Based, loosely, on a throwaway sight gag in Private Eye's war coverage from this time last year.

Violent scenes today in the northern Iraqi city of Bagpuz, where some US civilian contractors / mercenaries were dragged out of their vehicle in the crowded marketplace and publicly sung to by a local minstrel.

The amazing scenes follow last night's raid on the city's major employer, a factory that the US claimed harboured weapons of mass destruction, but - according to factory boss Charlimuz - actually makes chocolate biscuits.

"Breadcrumbs and butterbeans!" said Charlimuz. "That's all we've got here. Breadcrumbs, and butterbeans. No uranium. No toxic gases. No osmium tetroxide, no osmium binladenide, not even any pretzels for idiots to choke on. Just the essential ingredients for chocolate biscuits."

Market trader Yousef al-Gabri saw today's riot. Al-Gabri said, "This huge black car came into the market, and we know that only invaders drive these huge black cars."

"A crowd surrounded them, ripped the doors from the vehicle. Then the three or four people inside, they were dragged out. We put them in front of the giant Bagpuz statue over there, and did what we had to."

City mayor Professor Hasnan al-Yaff gave a thundering statement to Arabic broadcaster al-Jazeera from the marketplace: "What were these fools thinking? They came into our country, took our oil, cut off our electricity, ransacked our factory looking for banned munitions, stood back as the museums were looted. No wonder we hate them. They've done nothing for us. Ever.

Calming down a little, Prof al-Yaff gave a slight chuckle, and said, "I suppose what happened today was justice, in our style. We have a saying in this city, that when Emili sings, the city hears. I just hope the Americans heard."

Numbers this week

1.8320 (+28) 1.5179 (+71) 0.6588 (-32) 1.2075 (-34)

The Chatter Of Long Lost Computers

Inspired by an Indytab article on the chatter of ghost computers...

Sometimes
I get bits
Coming at me.

Am I here?
they ask.
Yes,
I reply.
I'm here.

Oh good.
Have you got
the bits
for the wood shelf
that were here
in 1996?

No, I say.
I haven't.
I know nothing
about wood shelves.
Or shelves.
Or wood.

What am I standing on?
Was there once
how to build a wood shelf
here?

Was there once
a whole do it yourself instruction book
living at this address?

There must have been
computers don't make mistakes
not in that number.

And now?
I know nothing
about wood shelves.
Or shelves.
Or wood.

Do you have
an interesting 404 page
to entertain the mistress?

No,
I reply,
you'll have to
do it yourself.

The War Against Terror comes with its own handy acronym

The Dismal Corporation claims that osmium tetroxide lay behind last week's publicity stunt arrests in and around London. The substance is widely used in electronics, and could cause slight breathing difficulties if let off in a confined space. Osmium tetroxide is also one of the smelliest substances known.

Giant stink bomb

Last week, police arrested nine men in south east England. It's believed that today's Dismal Corp report is linked to those arrests. Police have recovered exactly none of the substance, and have charged the men with exactly nothing. The lurid headlines in lesser organs are clearly part of the plan to keep the populace in a state of fear. Conspiracy Theory! Oh...

Quick links

Teenage lesbian and bisexual girls are the biggest smokers, claims new study.

Coffee is good for you, if you've got brains.

I am what I am

Once again, the extreme right-wing Interior Minister wants to inflict "identity" cards on us. According to the ludicrous claims put about by Plonkett, last month's bombings in Madrid would not have happened if there had been official identity cards. Er, except that the Spanish already have such cards. The Indytab quotes one "senior government source" as saying:

"The key point was the need for good intelligence. You don't stop terrorists with more armed police on the streets."

So, how does one get from the need for good intelligence to the need for identity cards? Someone help me out here, there isn't so much a nebulous link as no link whatsoever. Even sillier...

Ministers were told that in several recent arrests, police found people with papers giving them multiple identities, and the politicians stressed the importance of making sure the ID cards could not be forged.

Okay, you make a card that cannot be forged by anyone, anywhere, ever, no matter how determined they are. Convince me that the card cannot be forged by anyone, anywhere, ever, no matter how determined they are. Yes, I'm asking you to prove a negative. No, this is a strictly defined mathematical negative, so you can prove it. Prove it. Convince me. Otherwise your flawed fake identity card will be worse than no card at all, because people will trust the forgery.

From today's press

Yet more evidence that Blair's lied to us, with double-sourced reports that he and the PDRUP junta's leaders decided in September 2001 to bomb Iraq. That flatly contradicts Blair's claims as recently as March 2003 that "no decision had been made." A decision had been made, and Blair's a liar who needs to go. Now.

Victory for athiests who will no longer be treated as second-class citizens. If people who insist on forcing their children to undergo a religious-based education get their transport paid by the taxpayer, why should those who do not wish to receive this indoctrination have similar funding?

A graphic in the Obs suggests that the 115,965 immigrants to the UK in 2001 came from:
Africa (34%), Indian subcontinent (21%), Rest of Asia (14%), Europe (10%), Americas (10%), Middle East (5%), Oceania (5%). And 0.5% from "Other". Where, exactly, is that Other? We've covered all the landmasses apart from Antarctica, and no one lives there. Has the government been secretly letting in 550 space aliens each year? Are we in danger of being swamped by invaders from a remote planet, where they still believe the Daily Hell?

Chartarama

Anastacia has the new number one album, her eponymous work displaces George Michael after two weeks on top. Katie Melua holds at 3, Nerd slips two to 4, and Nelly Furtardo's climb continues - she's up three to a new peak at 5. With some large slumps - Eric Claptout 5-15, Harry Connick 11-27 - Norah Jones and Snow Patrol make small climbs. Reggae star Kayne West climbs 18-12, but he's overshadowed by the flying Finns Rasmus, whose Dead Letters disk accelerates 37-17. Whoop!

We've new entries for the Divine Comedy Absent Friends (14), Aerosmith Honkin On Bobo (16), and Bob Dylan Bootleg Series 6 (19). And we have a new entry for Janet Jackson; the bare-breasted one puts her album Damita Jo in at the dizzy heights of 18. There are also re-entries for Coldplay and Basement Jaxx right down the bottom, and very good results for Sarah McLachlan (28-34) and Bic Runga (32-36).

On the singles listing, McFly debuts at the top with Five Colours In Her Hair, probably the best slice of pop you'll hear this year. Busted are the newer and more successful Dumdums, and many of their songs are written by the singer in McFly, whose style and outlook reminds me of Hanson. Hopefully this group will be remembered for more than their tribute to As If's Sooz. Also recommended: the Pet Shop Boys' Flamboyant, in at 12.

Very little of note elsewhere - Twista's dull-as-anything Slow Jamz bores its way in at 3, Atomic Kitten's final single Someone Like Me can only make number 8, their smallest hit since "Whole Again" in 2001. The Scissor Sisters and Alicia Keys scrape top 20 places, Basement Jaxx just miss, Norah Jones lands at 30, dance act Dilated Peoples at 35, and Simply Red at 40. Katie Melua notches up her 17th week on the survey, and surely her last, slipping six to 39.

Shy of the 40 come the Distillers' The Hunger the 48, and Gus Gus's David at 72. Don't know about Art Brut, Young Heart Attack, Reactor, Boxer Rebellion, or Billy Talent.

older writing...