How Dismal

I'll declare my biases early. I can't stand the Dismal corporation, "owners" of Michael Mouse, EPSN, and more bigots and copyright thieves per square inch than anyone. This MeFi thread contains plenty of Dismal insults and gratuitous abuse.

For instance: Even 40 years ago, Mickey Mouse was a fading Disney star in Portugal. The popular comic-book Disney heroes here were Tio Patinhas (Scrooge McDuck, by far the most loved) and a few characters which I suspect were heavily adapted for the Brazilian and Portuguese markets.
Can you name any character traits that Mickey Mouse has? He's just kind of there. You can actually talk about the personalities of Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd. People can have deconstructive conversations about the Coyote in Warner Brothers cartoons. These characters have motivations.
The mouse is now a wimpy rat, having his iconic status dissolved in low-quality advert-bait; and has been for some time now. Mickey Mouse is not the figure to children today, that he was to me when I was a kid. Disney has undermined his status and devalued his cultural stock, probably irreparably.
In the future, Mickey Mouse is likely to hold less value than Top Cat.
Empirical evidence would suggest that Mickey has already died out for 3-10 year olds in London.

How Dismal II

On Thursday, Richard Desmond's Daily Pornographersrag whinged about how the BBC was "wasting" £3m on "a programme you can't watch." The show in question? Not the Kilroy show, as the accompanying picture of Robert Kilroy-Shaft might have led us to believe, but was actually The Alan Clark Diaries. It cost £2.4m to produce, £600k to promote, and airs on cabsat and DTT channel BBC4. BBC4 is available in 54% of the UK's homes, but according the the Pornographersrag's strange logic, because only 166k watch leading shows on BBC4, "no-one can get it."

On Friday, viewing figures came out for the Alan Clark Diaries. 848,000, and a 7.2% audience share. That's the record for anything ever aired on BBC4, and beat all channels except ITV and BBC1. Even E4's new ER fell by the wayside. According to ABC figures, we believe Thursday's edition of the Pornographersrag sold about 800,000 copies. No one can get it.

[Based on contributions to MHP-chat]

Not Shafted At All

A bit of sense from the BBC and Kilroy, as everyone agrees that the shamed former game show host will continue to make a daily topical discussion programme, but that someone less slimy will front it.

Newsorama

The show may be over but the game of marbles goes on. Or, when did the Stewart sculptures become the Parthenon sculptures?

No security breaches at US airports. Letting a man with live bullets in his hand luggage through is not a security breach, oh no.

So it's come to this: why soon to be former British prime minister Mister Tony Blair is rooting for an extreme right-winger to win the US election in November.

"If a Democratic candidate was able to make criticisms of the war, and appeal to hardcore Democratic voters, and then oust Bush, it would be an answer to the Blair excuse that you can only win from the right. For them to choose Dean and win would be a political disaster for Blair."

A brief history of The Chart Show

May 9, 1986. The Chart Show, a Video Visuals production, launches as summer filler in the slot left by The Tube, scheduled for 16x60m transmissions. Novelties include two different specialist charts compiled by MRIB each week, including reggae, albums, indie, and rock. The show finishes by playing the top three videos from that week's Network Chart in some order, and viewers are invited to send in a postcard ordering the three before Saturday to win a prize. The theme is a lowkey electronic growl, and the infamous video captions fill the screen with white-on-transparent information in very small print.

June 19, 1986. TCS forced off air by a dispute with the music unions, who aren't happy with C4 airing an hour of music videos.

July 24, 1986. TCS returns, without the competition and with less on-screen info.

TCS then runs as summer filler on C4 in 1987, and a regular late-night slot in early 1988 until March 1989.

September 2, 1989: TCS transfers to ITV as a replacement for The Roxy, fitting into the Saturday morning network slot vacated by that TTTV production. The "Fairground" graphics are launched, there's a completely new theme tune, the programme's rebranded with the (then-new) ITV network logo, and the infamous Pointless Icons make their debut.

TCS continues to use the MRIB charts on a Saturday-to-Friday basis, but artificially weights new releases to ensure they debut higher on the show's flagship chart. The generic charts are reduced to three: dance, indie, and rock.

During this period, TCS-branded charts were sold to radio stations and print media. These returned to the MRIB banner at the end of 1990.

September 5, 1992: TCS takes on sponsorship from Pepe jeans, and debuts the "Flying Darts" title sequence. The theme tune gets the radical reworking, the Pointless Icons are tarted up a bit but still remain Pointless. The Pepe sponsorship ends in March 1993, isn't renewed, and the show runs without a sponsor until Twix signs up late in 1993.

TCS debuts a part-networked TCS Late in early 1993, airing around 1am in most English regions, showing videos that can't be screened in the midday slot. Often pushed around for sport, films, and other events, TCS Late is finally cancelled in early 1996 for more specific late programming, and occasional repeats of the Saturday show.

May 18, 1996: TCS relaunches with an "Ice" graphics package, and a slightly reworked theme tune. The Pointless Icons are finally dropped in the trashcan, replaced by regular captions and some interviews. Interactive phone vote features are launched, and Video Visuals now plays out the last segment containing the Top 10 live from its studios.

August 23, 1998: Last edition of TCS on ITV.

September 2002: Video Visuals launches Chart Show TV as a free-to-air channel on Astra 2, showing current CIN charts and extended commercials for records. Graphics package is recognisably in TCS mould, theme music per se contains recognisable riffs from the Flying Darts theme. Spin-off channel The Vault, showing older music and extended commercials, launches in April 2003.

Neither channel has yet made it to my cable package. Grr.

Strange ol' world

Never mind the facts, let's sell our souls to Monsatan.

The Napster II digital download chart Just for once, the official chart and the real chart have the same number one, Outkast's "Hey Ya."

We never like rules being made on the hoof. Even if someone has committed a heinous crime, there's no excuse to treat them with additional severity. That's what's happening to Maxine Carr, whose application for early release has been taken away from her prison governor, and given to a national body. They claim that her application will be judged on its merits, but it's far, far easier for a national body to be swayed by the hysterical rantings of the right-wing press. This is bad law.

Crimes against humanity

Quote of the day is from Robert H Jackson.

The future will never have to ask, with misgiving, what could the Nazis have said in their favour. History will know that whatever could be said, they were allowed to say. They have been given the kind of a Trial that they, in the days of their pomp and power, never gave to any man. But fairness is not weakness. The extraordinary fairness of these hearings is an attribute of our strength. The Prosecution's case, at its close, seemed inherently unassailable because it rested so heavily on German documents of unquestioned authenticity. But it was the weeks upon weeks of pecking at this case, by one after another of the defendants, that has demonstrated its true strength. The fact is that the testimony of the defendants has removed any doubt of guilt that, because of the extraordinary nature and magnitude of these crimes, may have existed before they spoke. They have helped write their own judgment of condemnation.

Carabunga

Polly Toynbee on this week's speed camera spat.

The Times, Mail, Sun, Telegraph and the rest have been foaming at the mouth over speed cameras for the last year, despite - or because of - the cameras' ever-greater success at slowing down drivers, collecting fines and cutting road deaths. Yesterday their road rage knew no bounds as the home secretary defiantly proposed a £5-£30 surcharge on top of existing fixed penalties for drivers.

Brake, the road safety campaign, is delighted that there will be money at last for the bereaved of traffic accidents, who are often left with no practical help once the police have delivered their terrible news. The wrath of the roadhog right has been most enjoyable: after all, they are usually the ones complaining that all the sympathy goes to understanding criminals too much and the victims too little. But then they are not rational beasts; they want to drive fast, end of story.

Cars operate in a zone somewhere outside the normal rules of politics, panic and blame. The bizarre anti-speed-camera campaign sweeps along usually sensible commentators in its car-mad wake. Their outrage focuses on the idea that this is a new "stealth tax" to be paid by "motorists whose offences are usually victimless." Some might not think so, including parents of the 200 children killed annually by speeding cars.

Has every driver in the land speeded at some time? Yes, probably. Should we? No. Is it bang to rights if we get caught? Of course. Does catching people make them drive slower in future? Certainly. Speed cameras have cut deaths by 35%, despite spurious arguments that they are all in the wrong places, or some outrageous abuse of statistics purporting to show that they actually increase road deaths.

Widely quoted factoids from the drivers' lobbies include some straight untruths. The RAC claims those caught by cameras are middle-aged male company car drivers doing high mileage, whereas young drivers cause most accidents. These same middle-aged company car men are 50% more likely to be involved in accidents than others, even after their longer road hours are discounted. Overconfident men cause crashes, old and young, of all car-owning classes.

Another fox to be shot is the claim that cameras are a big tax revenue spinner. Local police and councils only keep enough to cover the cost of the cameras, the Treasury only gets a small surplus; £73m came in from camera fines last year and there was only a measly £7m for the Treasury. Hardly worth inciting roadhog fury, if cameras didn't save lives.

Two nations, one language redux

The top twenty given names in Canada South during 2003.

Gentlemen: Aidan, Jaden, Caden, Ethan, Caleb, Dylan, Jacob, Jordan, Logan, Hayden, Connor, Ryan, Morgan, Cameron, Andrew, Joshua, Noah, Matthew, Addison, Ashton.

Ade and Jade and Cade and Eath and Caleb. Sounds like a gang already. So many Jordans, what has Winnie Holzman started? I don't have the UK list to hand, but I'd be surprised if more than Andrew, Matthew, and perhaps Joshua made our list.

Ladies: Madison, Emma, Abigail, Riley, Chloe, Hannah, Alexis, Isabella, Mackenzie, Taylor, Olivia, Hailey, Paige, Emily, Grace, Ava, Aaliyah, Alyssa, Faith, Brianna.

Surely Riley and Taylor are blokes' names, and Mackenzie is a family name, not a given one. So many obvious pop culture references, two for Charmed, one for Eminem (and his daughter, Hayley Nem), and at least two Buffy references. Chole is top of the pops here, Emma and Hannah are always popular, and there's at least one Emily in every class. And she's usually the butch dyke...

A brief history of dot

July 31, 1995 - Dotmusic launches. The site is a mixture of features, reviews and advertising for the various Miller Freeman publications that existed back then (including Music Week)

December 12, 1998 - Dotmusic relaunches as a music fan focussed site with new graphics, a more user friendly look and the introduction of forums.

November 2000 - the site is overhauled again, with a new spruced up look and upgraded forums

March 2002 - Miller Freeman decides to pull out of just about every publication it has, closing a variety of print titles and sells Dotmusic to BT. The company retains the print publication Music Week, and will launch a standalone MW website in autumn 2003.

Early 2003 - BT begins Dotmusic On Demand service, utilising its broadband to provide legitimate downloads to customers

August 2003 - BT signs with Yahoo to provide Broadband, downloads, games and other features by pooling resources

October 2003 - BT sells all its service content including Dotmusic to Yahoo under a deal that sees BT providing the Broadband connectivity while Yahoo does the actual content, such as websites. Yahoo announces that Dotmusic and Launch will merge to provide a multitude of services in an expansion of what both sites had provided

December 12, 2003 - Yahoo decides the On Demand service isn't working and pulls out of the downloads business for the forseeable future. The On Demand service closes with immediate effect.

January 14, 2004 - After being run down over the festive period, Dotmusic closes as a stand alone website.

Of the first generation (1994-5) UK websites, only the BBC and the Electronic Telegraph remain.

At ease

Tam Dalyell, the man who invented the West Lothian Question, and who has harried every prime minister since Gladstone, has confirmed that he will leave the Commons at next year's election. We'll miss the old rascal, he did more to hold the executive to account than any number of supine back benchers.

Today's news

Small Business advice: priceless.

Where are the weapons of mass destruction? "I don't know." Are the unlawful guards racially abusing prisoners? And of the opposition, the people are biting back.

On Planet Crock, Charles Windsor (accused murderer) has sent Oswald Osbourne (crooner) a bottle of scotch as a get well soon gesture. Mr Osbourne has been battling alcoholism for some years.

Prits

I've been watching the Best British Single entries for the past few months, ready to pounce on the nominations. Those nominations, announced today, are:

• Spirit In The Sky - Gagagagagagagareth Gates and the Kumars
• White Flag - Dido
• Scandalous - Misteeq
• Superstar - Jamelia
• Sweet Dreams - Rachel Stevens

The game we have to play is: over what period were these the five biggest releases? It has to be before Willy Oung's Leave Right Now came out at the end of November, as he shot into contention in two weeks. It has to be 2003, otherwise Council Estate Slappers and Daniel B'dingdangdong would be appearing. My best guess is the four week period from late October.

Even so, the list is very odd. Gareth as a cover shouldn't ideally be in contention, but if he must, he must. Dido and Stevens have clear places, Jamelia has a more arguable case, she didn't move into contention until the end of November, and that should allow Willy in. Misteeq, I'm afraid, has no claim whatsoever, as it was outsold by both David Sneddon and Ultrabeat. But we can't have those people winning Brit awards, Snedders has declined to renew his performance contract, and the Beat is a faceless dance act. Oh no, give it to the acts the BPI wants to promote overseas.

It's like shooting fish in a barrel, so it is. Plenty of nods for the completely talent-free Justine Timberlanky, but nothing for Tattu - the group that put the pop back into pop music. Amy Whinehouse gets a nod for Best Female, but nothing for Amy Studt, the Amy who actually sold records! I could go on, but I'm boring myself.

Dead Famous People

For your perusal: the picks and players for the Lethal Lottery. Also, entry instructions for COFFIN 04, the game of skill, judgement, and dead famous people. Enter this week or hold your peace.

The Chart That Counts

Third week on top for Willy Oung, ahead of the Black Eyed Peas, with Evanescence holding third spot. Katie Melua's amazing climb continues, from 19-13-4 for no obvious talent. Outkast's more obvious climb continues, 22-15-6 shows the band is on the up. Hayley Westenra's promotion kicks in, she's back up 16-8, as is Alicia Keys, 14-9. Busted slump from 4 to 11, but Norah Jones is back up to 16. The Return of the Bling soundtrack moves up from 23 to 19, and the White Stripes continue climbing, from 27 to 20, as do the Strokes, from 29 to 22. Basement Jaxx returns at 24, Joss Stone at 26, and Kelis at 28. A small rise for Damien Rice, 32-29, while G-Unit slumps 24-35. Disaster for boy band D-Side, their album can only make 32.

Over on the singles sales chart, Michelle McManus sells 150,000 to hit the top spot. The winner of Pop Idle 2 sells barely 13% of Willy Oung's opening total from February 2002. Andrews / Jules slips to 2, while Kelis's "Milkshake" debuts at 3. Osbourne (O) and Osbourne (K) are 4, Boogie Pimps' cover of Starship's "Somebody To Love" is in at 5, and Sean Paul has another completely incomprehensible track at 6. Outkast moves back up from 14 to 9 in its eighth (count 'em!) week on chart. The last track to do anythng like that was Toploader at the start of 2001. Dance acts Motorcycle and Basement Jaxx debut at 11 and 12, and it's a huge leap to the next newie, REM's "Animal" at 33. Peaches and Iggy Pop also make it into the list at 39. The Flopstars slump 18-49, the Cheekys 37-67, and the Fast Food Rockers exit from 48.

older writing...