Some quick site stats for October (excluding the 18th, for some reason my ISP might know, but I don't.)

18,118 hits; 4193 pages; 1931 unique sites. That's 24 hits per hour, 135 pages and 489 files per day, and a transfer rate of 5480 Kb/day.

Most popular archive pages: Queen Mother's Dead week, then Chart of December 93 and Number 1 singles, January - September 2003.

Leading visitors: Altavista, BT, Planet Online, Blueyonder, AOL, NTL.

Leading referrers: Google UK, just ahead of Google US. Then a fair old gap to Ask UK, then MSN UK and Ask US. Leading website proper: Somedisco.

I'll be discussing the search queries on another page (so I can tell spiders not to index it) after the weekend.

User agent stats: browsers identifying as Internet Deplorer: 91.1%; browsers identifying as Netscape: 9.2%. Konquerer: 0.4%, Opera and AvantGo 0.1% each.

Leading top level domains: .com, .uk, .net, .be, .edu. Some way behind, .de, .ca, .nl, .au.

Third party leadership contender Michael Howard promises to "preach a bit less and listen a lot more". Hmm. Interesting side-swipe at the Vicar of St Albions' there, someone who preaches a lot and listens little.

Speaking of preaching not listening, Republican spokesmoron Mr George X Bush calls for "foreign fighters" to leave Iraq. Du-uh!

Tell us something we do not know. Half of Britain can't do basic maths, says the government. 15 million workers wouldn't pass the piss-easy GCSE. It's a national scandal, we don't tolerate illiteracy to the same degree, why should we tolerate this level of innumeracy?

Never one to miss a chance to bash Mucky Murdoch's inability to grasp the gay agenda... His Sky TV branch is treating transsexuals as freaks, and pandering to an avowedly homophobic agenda, all in the one programme. How do they get away with it? This time, they don't; contestants who tried to woo a transsexual have sought legal advice, and expect to prevent KYTV's show from airing in a couple of weeks.

Curiously, this show was down to air at 2100 Saturday, opposite Challenge's re-airing of the ultimate reality show, Without Prejudice.

Or to bash Faux Nooz's Unfair and Unbalanced coverage at any opportunity. Yes, Virginia, there is a memo from high-up, telling the Noozdrones (TM) how to report the news, and sod the facts.

Pissed off that your favourite NFL weekly column has been unceremoniously axed by 'fraidycat Dismal Corp wankers? Cheer up, it's the Collaborative Tuesday Friday Morning Quarterback! Even better, Gregg reports there will be an announcement... soon relating to the Official TMQ.

For next year's BPI awards, the Best Single will be awarded by public vote. Five best-selling songs recorded by a British act, covers and re-issues not eligible. At the moment, the top five are:

• White Flag - Dido
• Stop Living The Lie - David Sneddon
• Pretty Green Eyes - Ultrabeat
• Sweet Dreams - Rachel Stevens
• Year 3000 - Busted

(I'm not sure if Ultrabeat are British - if they're not, then the Fast Food Song clogs up the last place. Gareth doesn't count, his is a cover, ditto Elton's re-issue, and Girls Aloud and Daniel B'dingdangdong first came out in 2002 and are ineligible.)

Thankfully, we're due decent sellers from Alex Parks and Will Young before the end of the year.

(18:59) Why should I bother writing reams and reams of text when I have a nice video capture thingy?

(19:46) I'm even picking the winners ahead of the party's MPs. Remember where you read these things first...

(19:29) And the obligatory cockup: on BBC1, they showed this over a black screen. Not on News 24, the rolling comedy and Conservative leadership elections service.

The Atlantic Monthly reports on what's looking like a NASA cover-up over the loss of the Columbia in February. Awkward. [via easterblogg]

So it's Michael Fawcett and George Smith, that much we know. But what of the other? Tappers and Chuck? Or is one or more of the eighties involved? I think we should be told. We won't, but we should.

That listing in full:
1. Maybe That's What It Takes
2. Everybody Hurts*
3. Dirty Pretty Words
4. Imagine*
5. Cry
6. Mad World*
7. Stones & Feathers
8. Beautiful*
9. Not An Average Kind Of Girl
10. Here Comes The Rain Again*
11. Yellow*
12. Wandering Soul
13. Over Conscious

Some of us won't last beyond track two without melting. Covers are indicated with a star.

If a week is a long time in politics, sometimes a day is an eternity. Yesterday, I wrote how the next leader of the opposition will be Charles Kennedy. By the time that went up, this evening, Iain Duncan Cough had been confronted with a confidence vote tomorrow. He'll lose that, and be replaced by (plucks name out of thin air) Mr Michael Howard. So help us.

A report in Libération yesterday suggested that France was changing her policy on nuclear weapons, including a threat to unleash first strikes against rogue states. Washington DC, be afraid. Be very afraid.

While the Westminster village is playing Who Wants To Not Be A Premier?, here's a game for the rest of us. How did Bush fix the 2000 election? Here's how. Get one of your cronies to forge a results card from a county's automated ballot, upload it to the state-wide computer, and let your friends at Faux do the shouting for you.

And the really worrying thing? This sort of corrupted computer miscounting software is replacing the functional punch card ballots, which are far less corruptable, as they leave a (literal) paper trail. Quite what's wrong with a nice, simple X on a nice, simple piece of paper I don't know.

It's over five weeks since the last action on the Christmas Countdown. However, the mince pies have finally gone on sale in my local supermarket, fully two weeks later than last year. Next, I suspect, will be some form of muzak, or a sign saying how many days to go. The pace can only quicken...

Then: "I really like here, appreciate her talent, i wish we had someone of her talent in our show, blown away with her voice."

Now: "She would get nowhere on Pop Idle. She was torture - she was so over the top. All that 'this is my art' nonsense. No it isn't, it's just a bloody talent contest."

Welcome to the fickle world of Simon Cowell. The Pop Idle arch-critic suddenly gets that sinking feeling, when he realises that Star Academy 2 winner Alex Parks has more talent in her toenail clippings than do any of the numpties on his show. In fairness, so do Ali Griffin, Caro Good, Peter Brame, Paris Poseur-Plonker, and (yes) even James Fox, though we did have to take all his toenail clippings for a month. A lovely task.

Apparently, someone who actually saw last Saturday's Pop Idle overhead the selfsame Scowl say to someone, "if it wasn't for you we'd be in danger of having a really bland show." Yep, eleven of the top ten are blander than Craig David.

Tony Hawkes really does ask for it, doesn't he? "Put up or shut up," coughed the leader of the Conservative Party (no, stop laughing at the back, that's what it says on his headed notepaper.) He echoes the words of Mr John Major, a previous leader of the Conservative Party, who invited his critics to "put up or shut up," in summer 1995. Will this be a "back me or I stay" contest, or a "sack me or I go" situation?

The Iain Duncan Cough fanclub is already out in force. Sid and Doris Bonkers have registered a website, listing some excellent IDC policies (saying nothing on the trains, saying nothing on health, saying nothing on the war...) and listing ten reasons to keep him in charge (erm, er, um, ah, er, that's it.)

Only time will tell who will be the next leader of the opposition. My money's on Charles Kennedy...

They just don't learn, do they? The Home Office interferes in the BBC's journalistic process by pressing them to axe its exposé of police racism. The civil servant at the head of the interior minister claimed, inter alia, that the BBC was using 'a degree of deceit that might be necessary in dealing with a totalitarian regime.' Out of the mouths of babes...

Now, what the hell does Mr Burrell know? Friday's unprecedented public statement by Bill and Harold Windsor was clearly aimed at casting nespertions on their mother's erstwhile butler, who has a new book to promote, and promote it he jolly well will. Claims that the brood mare knew she was being targetted by Person X have already made the front pages. Speculation mounts that he has some stuff Dead had, including a series of letters from the Clown Prince of Edinburgh and a tape recording of a royal servant witnessing "an incident" between a senior royal and a member of staff. According to tabloid lore, either of these could bring down the monarchy. But, knowing the way the press kow-tow to the Windsor clan because they sell papers, neither will.

An inability to count never helps. Especially the Obs, where three possible scenarios for the Tory leadership come under the microscope. Their combined probability: 15 out of 10. Er... quite.

A recent episode of the Simpsons, called "Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington", featured Krusty running for congress as a Republican. During the election, Krusty participates in a Fox News televised debate with his Democratic opponent. All through the debate, a parody of the Fox News ticker scrolls at the bottom of the screen (and with devil's horns superimposed over the Democratic opponent's head). This ticker contained the following gems:

Pointless news crawls up 37 percent ...
Do Democrats cause cancer? Find out at FOXNEWS.COM ...
Rupert Murdoch: Terrific Dancer ...
Dow down 5000 points ...
Study: 92 percent of Democrats are gay ...
JFK Posthumously joins Republican Party ...
Oil slicks found to keep seals young, supple ...
Ashcroft declares breast of chicken sandwich "Obscene" ...
Hillary Clinton Embarrasses self, nation ...
Bible says Jesus favored capital-gains cut ...
Only dorks watch CNN ...
Jimmy Carter: Old, wrinkly, useless ...
Brad Pitt + Albert Einstein = Dick Cheney ...

Matt Groening was interviewed on NPR on October 23, 2003. In this interview, he reveals that Fox News threatened to sue the Simpsons' producers. When Fox News eventually realized that the prospects of Rupert Murdoch paying to sue himself were not great, they forced an agreement from the producers. This agreement bars the Simpsons from ever again parodying the Fox News ticker. And the reason why?

"It might confuse the viewers into thinking it's real news."