Five remain. Should Peter or Carolynne (or, conceivably, both) win in the public vote, they will be Winners. Period.

After next week, the Pap Panel counts for nothing. This is the last week where their comments can be backed by votes. This week's Star Academy Drinking Game joker is on Betcha; this week's Star Academy Drinking Game tipple is apple schnapps.

Alistair: Lately - Stevie Wonder. One finger for criticism that he's bland or dull, two fingers for a dodgy impression on air or tape.
On tour in Cardiff, no one knows who he is. David reckons he's in with a shout of winning, Ali plays some strange floor-crawling game.
It's a black shirt and tie and jeans tonight. Wake me up when he starts. Oh, has he started? Has he finished already? Gosh, that was quick. Or boring. Twinkly electronic backing track, no vocal presence, we're back to When Wet Paint Dries.
Dogsby is almost looking smart, and is talking high and whiney. Alistair wonders who is high and whiney. David reckons he's the front runner, but had no emotion. Robin liked the performance, would listen to the radio. Betcha compares Alistair to Gary Barlow, and she may have a very good point. She wouldn't vote for him, and there's no long term career; Dogsby bites back and won't be voting either.
They didn't use the "dull" or "bland" words, but it was implicit in David and Betcha's comments. 1. Gosh, that's sharp.

Carolynne: Think Twice - Céline Dion. One finger if she's wearing a long dress, two fingers for anyone giving over-gushing praise.
She's been struggling with her song, and is soundtracked to some bloke singing Everybody Hurts. This is not her song!
Yep, black dress. A bit of sibilance on the mike, and it's the second-verse-less edit they used on TOTP for about seven weeks in 1995. Finally, she gets to belt and holler, the first half wasn't much cop, but then it wasn't much cop when the sea lion did it.
Dogsby reckoned that was interesting and exciting and loved it. David reckoned this was a bad choice, but she's done it. Robin reckoned this was a song for her voice, and Betcha didn't hear it over the crowd noise, but reckons it was cop.
That was a bit too strong praise, so 4.

James: Woman - John Lennin. One finger for each person making an unjustified or ad hominem criticism, two fingers for everyone saying he's a pub singer.
James hasn't been invited to the BBC cross-promotion op in his home town. He does get to go to The Italian Job (2) premiere, where the question on everyone's lips is "Where's Alex?" He's dedicating the song to his girlfriend. Aw, spew.
Wearing a white double top and jeans. He's putting more into it than Lennin ever did, not that that's at all difficult, but this is such a karaoke song to begin with. His best performance in some time, but still weaker than Alistair.
Dogsby doesn't mince words: "Truly appauling. Out of tune, dated, and a tribute to Yono." However, that song doesn't have magical properties, it's a complete load of gobshite, just like Dogsby's just spouted in his attack on Patrick and James. "David. Let's try and get some sanity back in this" "I beg your pardon," says the floppy-haired one, but finally the cameraman is ignoring the mutt. David loved it, Robin says he didn't have it, Betcha just about copies Dogsby.
Erm, I'm going to claim 4 on that: Dogsby effectively claimed James was a pub singer, and launched ad hominem attack on both James and Patrick Kielty. Bloody amateur. 8.

Peter: Friday I'm In Love - The Cure. One finger if he jumps about the stage, two fingers for anyone who implies that he's transiently fashionable.
Peter's taking on the clean-living lifestyle: no booze, no fags, so clean you could eat off him. Except when he's yowling like a scalded cat in the recording studio, or headbanging in the dance studio.
Dressed like a little soldier, singing the chorus over a stripped-down acoustic backing, rather than the one we've come to love. Then it's full on shouting and, yep, jumping all over the stage. Sign this man for Eurovision, and do it now!!!
Peter reckons it was a so-so performance, and wonders if the pap panel noticed he fluffed the lyrics. Betcha says he danced (yep) and sung (nope.) David didn't like the singing, liked the performance, loved the charisma. Dogsby is finding variations on the theme, is quietly being strangled by Jonathan Woss, and reckons he's where he's at. Robin is decently impressed, and David counters that Peter's developed his own style, Dogsby claims SA is all about showing different sides of the personality. No, it's about flogging the winner. Bugger.
Yep, Dogsby said transiently fashionable, 11.

Alex: Here Comes The Rain - Eurythmics. One finger for each googlie eyes moment, two fingers for any Pap Panellist booed by the crowd.
Television's Miss Popular was the star of the show at Cardiff, and is already planning her career outside the house.
Stripey top and jeans, and once again, there's more to this song than I've heard in twenty years. Never knew it was a lesbian anthem. And, yes, one googlie eyes moment.
Kielty later says that she's had vocal troubles. David loved that performance, claimed last week's was bad (that's a fib) and wrote that song. Robin says she's got style. Betcha says about the intensity and has gotten goose bumps. Dogsby rambles on, but says moody and mesmerising somewhere in there. He seems to like it.
Our final Pap Panel Drinking Game total: 12

Alex, Peter very good, Carolynne just a beat off the pace, Alistair bad, James rewrote the book on rubbishness.

Some grope performances next: Alex and Carolynne perform Love Shack. Slightly out of tune between the two of them, that's a keying issue that's totally the fault of Betcha and her musical chums. They'll be dancing to this on the streets of Truro tonight.
Jonathan Woss takes the piss out of Dogsby, so well done that man. Ricky Gervaise reckons we ought to vote the Pap Panel out, and Jonny gives his support to Alex. Bandwagon, anyone? The gentlemen perform From Me To You, and it's a bit tedious compared.

Lord Hutton knows his place: Thursday's summing up at his enquiry will recess for an extended lunch break so that Charles Kennedy, the next-but-one prime minister, can receive live coverage on BBC2, News 24, ITNNC, and other news channels. BBC2 will be running a News Special from 1030, with Jon Sopel reviewing the evidence so far, and exactly why Mr Blair and Mr Hoon's positions are now completely untenable. The show will resume after Mr Kennedy sits down, and run from 1330 to 1630.

Elsewhere, the NYT explains how the US military forces its way onto university campuses. The occupying forces adopt a blatantly discriminatory policy towards gay recruits, and many colleges have told them to bugger off. The army whined and whinged to the government, and that puppet threatened to cut off funding if the unis didn't allow the army in. Now there's a lawsuit, correctly claiming that this violates the right to free speech; it also violates the equal treatment rules, but they're not citing those for some reason.

Speaking to the AP, Stevie Nicks said that Birtney's Pears and Clitring Aguilera should "wear more clothes and try writing decent songs."

"I personally have never been to a strip club, but I turn on MTV and see in every single video what it must be like to be at a strip club. I think the mystery is gone, and if you have no mystery, then you aren't even sexy."

"Real sexuality and sensuality is in the music, and all these girls should go back to writing songs and start over because it won't last and they won't last. When they are 55, they won't be around and that's sad because I think a lot of those girls are very talented. But they are signing their own death warrants."

Ms Nicks was appalled by Madonna's publicity stunt kiss with Spears at the recent MTV Awards. "I thought it was the most obnoxious moment in television history," she said.

"Madonna will be fine. Madonna is Madonna. She does what she wants. She will get over this. But will Britney get over it? I don't know."

Star Academy results show, then. And this week, we are live.

The Sing Our Own Song contest is won, for the third time, by Alistair. Proof, as if it were needed, that he's popular amongst the SMS-voting hardcore fans. Yet shouldn't all five be performing their own work on the primetime show? Or are we to conclude that Star Academy really intends to be nothing more than a glorified karaoke contest with a sock puppet for a judge, completely indistinguishable from Pop Idle?

Never mind should and might, Alistair's song is, to put it mildly, tedious. Wouldn't make the last 20 at A Song For Nul Points. Anyway, a group version of Dancing In The Street is pure cabaret, and treated as such by the contestants.

Footage of this week's OB, by Vermin Train to Madchester. They were due on stage Thursday afternoon, so had to leave Tuesday morning to be on stage in time. As ever, huge screaming and cheering; as ever, should our fab five be performing in shopping malls to hordes of screaming teenagers? Feels somehow wrong. Like that shot of Peter and Carolynne exploring each others' tonsils. She's single, he's dating a money-grubbing chick, you do the maths. Alistair has.

Who leaves? You deride. It's the largest poll of the series so far, and the top two are... Alex... and... Alistair. So James has gone, then.

Oh, sorry, we've got to do the formalities. The Pap Panel splits 2-2, Dogsby and David for Carolynne, Betcha and Robin for Peter, and in the event of a tie Dogsby is wrong, so Caro goes through.

The student vote is a certainty. Peter 3, James 0.

Next week, four remain. Top two in the public vote are safe; they pick from the other two. The Pap Panel has no vote: ties are broken by the original public vote. Hmm. Alex will probably vote for Carolynne, Alistair I don't know, We'd best assume that Peter and Carolynne won't be voting, so it could all come down to the public vote already, and we'll certainly be able to work out who is behind.

Pictures and commentary from my trip to Bristol - yours for entertainment.

As expected, Labour loses the safe seat of Bent East in the byelection. The last time Labour failed to defend a seat: 09 Nov 1988, when Jim Sillars captured Glasgow Govan for the SNP No Poll Tax. Labour's recent defeats in London include Greenwich, which fell to Rosie Barnes of the SDP on 28 Feb 87, and Simon Hughes' win in Bermondsey on 3 Mar 1983. Ms Barnes retained her seat at the 1987 general election, but both she and Mr Sillars lost in 1992. Mr Hughes has not been defeated since.

You know you're getting old when... the youngest MP is junior to you. Sarah Teather, winner last night, is a 1974 child.

In the greater scheme of things, this shows the depth of dissatisfaction against New Labour in general, and soon to be former prime minister Mister Tony Blair in particular. In Labour heartlands across the country, STBFPMMTB is a liability, and they are still reacting against the party's brand of conservatism, and giving their votes to whichever group is best placed to oust Labour. In middle England, Mr B is still popular, but for how much longer? Next year's Europoll will be fascinating.

Yes, I've been away for a few days, pictures and a brief account will follow. Brief in the words, brief because I'm feeling a lot like when I came back from Tucson at the start of last year. Something strange is afoot.

Administrivia: a small change in the sidebar, correcting one link.

Tony's Cronies, part 846. After pithering and dithering about for the last five years, there are some basic plans for second-stage reform of the Lords. Charlie Falconer's proposals would introduce a "statutory commission" to appoint members to the reformed upper chamber, rather than having membership clearly in the gift of the government. Jeffy Archer would be thrown out of the place, and, er, that would appear to be it. No danger of actually having an elected upper chamber, one that might provide some sanity, and a brain-check for the government of the day. It's this sort of promising one thing but providing the other that's making The Party as completely unelectable as The Opposition.

The Opposition did lose one of its most odious planks today, Section 29 of the Local Government Act 1988 has been repealed by parliament, rather than be struck down by the courts. The section, perhaps best known under its previous name "Clause 28," attempted to prohibit local councils from "promoting" homosexuality in schools. Some teachers interpreted this way too widely, and took it as an excuse not to discuss the realities of being gay at all. In these more enlightened times, when two out of three pop idols is homosexual (and one of them actually came out before the final votes,) schools can't promote intolerance in this way.

And speaking of soon to be former Lord Jeffy Archer, he's calling for prison inmates not to get parole until they can read and write. This would, of course, have the happy side-effect of never letting the world's third worst novelist out of jail ever.

Some years ago, the Ed Doolan show would end with a ritual pun, set up by this ritual, initiated by the producer: "This just in, Ed" "How many sources are there?" "One." "What is it?" "Blackcurrant."

The UK government has been playing a similar pun-fest for over a year, it now emerges. The inclusion of spurious claims that Iraq was able to deploy CBNs within 45 minutes was, we now know, the result of one person's over-fertile imagination.

The claim that Iraq had an active chemical and biological weapons programme right up to March this year was also from a single source. Such uncorroborated claims are generally ignored by the intelligence community, but weren't here. We can only assume that then-prime minister Mister Tony Blair encouraged the deceit to boost his claims for an illegal, immoral, and factually-spurious war.

To recap, it's perfectly permissible for the Government to murder ten thousand innocent people and squander countless billions of pounds on someone else's piece of empire-building, so long as they've got one source to back them up, even if that source turns out to be inaccurate. And it's completely wrong for the BBC to fairly and accurately report counterclaims based on one source, even when that source is completely correct.

Was that one source Egon Face?