Star Academy 2, show nine. After the gratuitous promotional exercise last week, it's a return to Glorified Karaoke this week.
Barry makes Neil Diamond's Sweet Caroline
. On the Digitalspy fora, someone's proposed a drinking game. Eight fingers to the half pint of beer or cider, or glass of wine, or one shot of spirits
For Barry, it's 2 fingers of the glass for an insane look, and a whole new glass if Carolynne leaps into his arms.
I'll play the Pub Singer card right now, he's a very good karaoke singer, but that's all. From the stairs of shame: no one is impressed. Betcha reckons that the BBC's veteran Top Of The Pops is the ultimate goal for the academy - Barry argues that real stars don't see TOTP as a career goal, it's a promo tool. Betcha doesn't like to be told that her career highlight is a stepping stone. Of course Barry has a point - how many times has Madonna done TOTP? More to the point, how many times have Eva Cassidy and Ani di Franco done TOTP? (Three, one, none.)
Alistair plays Phil Collins' Against All Odds
, abysmally covered by Mariah Cantsing and Westshite in The Worst Number One Single Of All Time, Ever, three years ago. 2f for that chin-up-sideways-look, 1f for a pun on the title.
Well, it's better than the Westshite version. And I reckon it's superior to Phil Collins' ballad-by-numbers original. Phil didn't emote, he just went through the motions. Alistair's emoting, and it's a crying shame that his vocals are so far down in the sound mix. Haven't heard Michael Ball's version, that might be the only one comparable.
From the staircase: David and Betcha found the emotion, for the first time this run. Robin - making his first contribution to the show - is also impressed. The war between Patrick and Dogsby hots up again, as the Perpetually Wrong Man (and very scruffy) claims Ali will never be a star. Dogsby launches into a pre-emptive attack on Pat, based only on Pat saying "Er..." How insecure is that scruff?
Nothing on the drinking game yet, but all four jokers yet to play. Louise does Bacharach and David's I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself
. We know. 1f for each "reach" move, 3f for criticising the song not the singer, and the joker is played on Betcha - if she criticises the song, drink six fingers of booze.
It starts out decently, but soon descends into utter farce. No tune, no key, somewhere around 25 reaches. Including one for the mute button. This is atrocious.
Betcha says "This was a really difficult song to sing," and I claim my six fingers. The Grants are pleased, Robin is not hugely impressed, Dogsby finds it a bit pants, and blames the song. Dogsby and David pick up their battle over whether Louise sung in tune.
We found it a two pint (34 finger) performance - perhaps should have gotten drunk before seeing it.
Peter, wearing a tie, does Bowie, in the shape of The Man Who Sold The World
, even though the hit version was by Lulu. 2f for a mad look into the camera, 4f if he falls over, new glass (8 fingers) for anyone who mentions Lulu, and the joker is on David.
We get the fall over, we get three Mad Looks, and we get further confirmation - as if we need it - that Peter will be able to do Eurovision and festivals. Betcha mentions Lulu, David confirms he sung, Dogsby didn't hear the singing, but did see the talent.
One pint and two fingers, the total at the half way mark is 52 fingers.
Carolynne is doing Lester Mendez and Shakira Mebarak's Underneath Your Clothes
. 1f for a Shakira-esque dance move, 3f for anyone attempting Spanish, new glass for a mention of Sr Mendez.
Not impressed by the beret. How come she gets to caress Mike Stand? He won't be best pleased by that. The rendition is thoroughly competent, but doesn't have that X factor. I'll take two dance moves there.
David found it the best performance, Robin and Betcha loved the vocals, and Betcha the image. Dogsby didn't like the opening 30 seconds, and is roundly attacked by the Grants. Don't believe David - this wasn't better than the original, but neither was it as bad as Dogsby painted it. Remember, Dogsby is always wrong!
Two fingers, not just the ones offered from Richard to Patrick, total of 54.
James makes his stab at Travis's Why Does It Always Rain On Me?
1f for a hat, 3f for "Pub singer," Robin counts double.
The vidclips show him as quite the bighead. Just for once, they're not inaccurate. No hat, one guitar. This is better than the original, finding a depth that Francis Healey's voice lacks, but it's not an Outstanding Performance. We won't associate him with this in years to come.
Robin was decently impressed. Dogsby didn't find it at all special, and parades how he's Mr Healey's special guest. So? This is one of those rare occasions when the person who wrote the song didn't deliver the canonical version. David thinks it'll be good enough, Betcha seems to disagree.
One pub singer, from Dogsby, brings the drinking game total to 57.
Paris is Misty Blue
, an Ella Fitzgerald tune. 1f if Paris waves his hand about, 4f if the Pap Panel saves him, double if it's on Dogsby's casting vote.
Paris's song changed around Wednesday, the others' songs were confirmed on Monday. It shows, this is R&B by numbers in a Craig David style. Twenty one (count 'em) iconic hand gestures.
Betcha spots the lack of falsetto and extra facial expression. David saw the soul come through. Dogsby thought the song was a little "thin", it doesn't resonate, and he's not sure this is good enough. Robin reckons this is out of his style - would his original choice - Holding Back The Ears
been more appropriate?
Twenty one hand gestures, the total is 78.
Alex is performing Ed Cobb's Tainted Love
, best known here for the Soft Cell chart-topping version in 1981, and more recently Marilyn Manson's cover. 2f for a mention of the original recording act Gloria Jones, 1f for Soft Cell or Manson, Dogsby counts double.
There was some thought that the BBC would stop the rehearsed performance. They didn't. Starts off standing, as the intro starts playing she very very slowly eases herself down onto her knees, sings a bit of the song just sitting on her knees, then briefly crawls forward. Next she starts rising back to her feet but stops half way and does some amazing bouncing trick. After this she returns to full standing to sing most of the rest of the song until the end where she slowly creeps back down onto her knees when she sings the last few lines in a very seductive tone. Those of you who have icons of the chicks from Manson's video simply have the wrong person.
Dogsby reckons it's a Soft Cell original (remember, Dogsby is always wrong!) and loved it. Betcha worries there might be some vocals lost, but the performance, wow. David thought that tonight would be rubbish, was wrong, and is whipping out his Handy to vote. Robin loved the vocals also.
Two fingers to Dogsby. And two fingers from Dogsby brings the drinks total to a neat 80 fingers. Two and a half bottles of wine it is, then.
