And the second half of that quiz from Jae's pseudo-girl.

22. What was the last thing you bought? Groceries - loaf, fruit, milk, the usual suspects.

23. When was the last time you caught a bus? Probably when heading back to the parents' just before Christmas, make the last few miles from the train station to their house.

24. What are you addicted to? Strange surveys (:

25. What's on your desk right now? Computer, some CDs, a few pens, bits of paper.

26. What are you listening to? Australia drubbing India. It's a rout!

27. What are you into at the moment? Sleep, reviewing my record collection, and general silliness.

28. How do you express yourself? Writing, humour, occasional poetry.

29. What do you regret most about today? Regrets tend to focus the mind into negativity, and I can live without that.

30. What was the best meal you've had today? Lunch. Well, it will be, once I've had it.

31. What are you going to do for the rest of the day? Sport, music, gig in the city centre.

32. How much have you spent today? It's gonna be around £35, factoring in the shopping and gig tickets. Most I've spent (other than on bills) all year.

33. What are you looking forward to? Detroit in seven weeks...

34. What are you having for dinner? Sausage and chips.

35. What scent makes you feel sick? Cleaning fluid with lots of chlorine.

36. What scent do you like? None is good.

37. What perfume/aftershave do you wear? None.

38. What should never have been invented? Sex.

39. What is the best invention known to man? Thought.

40. Taken any drugs today? I claim the fifth.

41. Received any letters today? Yes, a credit card company offering another £2000 line of credit. Hit the recycling pile faster than possible.

42. If you had $10,000 what would you spend it on? ECU 100. Show my support in Dubya's War Against The Euro.

43. What is the best song in the world? "My Star" - Brainstorm.

The granny trying to control her granddaughter and pack her shopping and chat to the cashier all at once.

And the man buying two boxes of fresh gladioli in a subtle Morrissey reminder.

Spotted: On the back of a van: "If this van is being driven well, it's been stolen."

Demonstrators stretching right the way up Shaftesbury Avenue, and right along the Embankment. Something like two miles in each direction.
"Tony Blair is Really Annoying" - The Polite Society
"Tony Blair's a lying twat" - Commentator on News 24
"Fucking for chastity"
"I do not recognise the christianity of George Bush" - Monsignior Bruce Kent
"Sex workers of the world unite"
"It is a country run by a bunch of lunatics." - Harold Pinter

First half of a quiz from Edith.

1.Chances are you probably have a crush on someone, what qualities does that person has that draw you to them? Intelligent, kind, witty - or just able to tell good puns - and able to hold conversation deep into the night.

2. A wall stands before you that goes endlessly in all directions. It cannot be surmounted in any way. What do you do? Decide that if I can't get the other side of the wall, I can't get the other side of the wall, and live with it.

3. If you were moving in a week, what things would you miss? Time to pack! Oh, the unreliable trains, the ripoff supermarket, the racket of the cars and the factory.

4. Do you prefer hugs or kisses? Hugs from anyone, kisses from utterly close friends.

5. Mean people are taking over the world! Film at ten.

6. There is a turtle lying flipped over in the desert. He cannot right himself and is dying in the sun. Would you walk on and leave him there? No, that's unfair to upturned turtles.

7. Which of your friends has the biggest hidden pervert side? *Hidden* pervert side? Hmm, I could tell, but perhaps I'd best leave you guessing.

8. When you have the house to yourself what do you do?. Pretty much everything. I have the house to myself all the time, barring visitors.

9. If you had only two days to live, what would you do? Enjoy it.

10. Who do you know that is the worst video game freak ever? Again, naming names would just invite competition.

11. Do you consider yourself to be popular, in the "middle class" of popular, just there, a dork, or an outcast? Yes.

12. What was your favorite fortune from a fortune cookie? "This fortune is for someone else."

13. What is the all around stupidest thing you have ever done out of all the stupid things we know you did throughout your life? Confused Annabel Croft (excellent British tennis player, not quite so good at game shows) with Annabel Giles (excellent at game shows, didn't quite make a living on the WTA circuit.) Then getting a rapped knuckle from Ms Giles personally.

14. What would you do if you had seventeen year old boy/girl in your bed? Change the locks.

15. Would you rather date the boy next door or the most popular guy in school? The (putative!) chap next door.

16. Your dream date? See question 1.

17. What's next to you right now? Lots and lots of fresh air.

18. If you could turn back time? Not date someone, which completely rewrites the last seven years...

19. What scares you? Many things scare me, but this just helps me to realise what I can do, what I can do with help, and what might be best left undone.

20. What was the last domestic task you did? Washing up. It counts.

It's Pop Idle US 2, Week 2. As ever, good health to Nigel Lythgoe. Julia DeMato and Charles Grigsby went through last week, who joins them today? Based on his dress sense, it certainly won't be the utterly scruffy Ryan Seacrest (bet that's not his real name.) Seacrest (bet that's not his real name,) you are a scruff and a shame to your network. Get some proper clothes on.

Clay Aiken is from Charlotte, North Carolina. Fresh-faced and looks the part. Performs Journey's Open Arms, doesn't quite hit the notes in the chorus, nor make the quirks his own, but a spirited performance. The judges are lukewarm, but it's all praise.

Candice Coleman is from Toledo, Ohio. She's going for the eye-candy vote, but bringing a completely incongruous deep soul voice. Performs the late Erma Franklin's Piece of My Heart. If this were JAZZ IDLE, we can declare Winner! right here. It's not, it's POP IDLE, and the panel is impressed.

Rebecca Bond is from Phoenix, Arizona, and doesn't know Shirley Bassey. Shame, she belts it out with as little respect for the tune as the Welsh diva. Haven't a clue what she was singing, but I hope it survived; the performance did nothing for me. She cites Ella and Aretha as stars. Was it My Funny Valentine? Oh. And she wasn't the best jazz performer of the night so far.

Jacob John is from Edmond, Oaklahoma. It's difficult to write a vignette about these performers, especially when they're as anodyne as this one. He'll be great in five or ten years, but he just isn't ready for the limelight yet.

Hadas Hasnosurname is from California. Performs You Light Up My Life; great in the soft verse, but rather forcing it in the chorus. A clean performance, with no vocal hystrionics, and certainly the better side of tonight. Cowell is very impressed, and delivers a compliment. Of sorts.

Ruben Studdard from Burmingham, Alabama. That's what it said on the caption! He's going for the Rik Waller vote, shall we say. A decent soul voice, keeping the tune, though does that explain Jackson and Abdul's over-reaction? I'm not actually convinced. Cowell is. He's going through.

Kimberley Locke from Gallatin, Texas. Performs Over The Rainbow, and makes one heck of a discordant racket. Eva and Judy are turning in their graves. Jackson reckons this was brilliant, Abdul is as nice as ever. Cowell reckons this is the best of the competition so far. Er, Cowell, you're talking a complete load of crap! She was not good, in the same way that Gareth Gates is not good.

Jennifer Fuentes from Miami, Florida. Performing I Wanna Dance With Somebody, inviting comparisons with Whitney Houston when she was good. *This* is good stuff. Cler vocals, perhaps not much stage presence, but going with heart and gusto. And somehow the judges reckon this wasn't much cop.

My picks: Coleman and Fuentes, Aiken also good, and Studdard could just make it.

Well, Seacrest (bet that's not his real name) has changed into something slightly neater for the results show, though Cowell is now dressed like a television set. Odd. Some results...

Fuentes - isn't going through. Bad choice.
Coleman - is going no further. Gee whizz, you United Stations are *far* too easily led.
Studdard - after being praised to high heaven, he's On The Star Academy Stools.
Bond - game over.
Aiken - will at least make the SAS. Good call. Which unworthy contestant joins him?
John - nope, not yet.
Which leaves Hadas and Locke to fill the last stool. Which one? Locke. Read my lips. She did not sing well.

The judges predicted Studdard and Locke. The public put through Studdard, and during the celebrations Seacrest (btnhrn) cuts his lip. Also through, Locke. You're a bunch of bloody sheep, United Stations. If someone tells you something, you just go out and blindly follow them, oblivious to the facts. You know, if some moron told you that black was white, and up was down, you'd believe them.

Wild cards: Aiken is a strong contender, Caldwell perhaps stronger.

Don't Panic written in large, friendly letters on the cover. A guide to surviving chemical, biological, and nuclear attacks. Does not protect against attacks from CBN's Barbara Wintergreen, but you can't have everything.

Good grief! So much cut from tonight's teatime Buffy on BBC2 that it has to go on a separate page. Wouldn't fit anywhere else. In short, any reference to murder, rape, sex, or S&M is cut. So is the reasoning behind a crucial plot point, and the episode comes to a conclusion at 1921. Nine minutes *before* time. If ever there was a reason why the BBC shouldn't show Buffy at teatime, this is it.

Anyway. Buffy popup for the satellite episode.

The man checking carefully to see that the last post hadn't gone, then inserting a lime green envelope into the slot.

"The chief duty of international politics is to prevent war. That is our orientation," - Herr Schröder

Americans are being indoctinated into beliefs which many Europeans (particularly those who are old enough to remember the 1920's and 1930's) would characterise as extremely dangerous. A country considers itself at war against an ill-defined foreign enemy who threaten its way of life. To protect itself against this enemy, civil liberties are abrogated, arrest and detention without trial are introduced and the state creates a secret police which can spy on citizens and foreigners alike. The state allies itself with big business to protect its way of life and promote national security. Public opinion is manipulated so that dissent from the "national purpose" becomes socially unacceptable. Those are the conditions which Europeans will recognise as the precursors of fascism. Troll or valid perspective? You deride.

One further comment about the BBC3 News Show. It's not shot with the wretched DOG in mind. Decently clever split screen shot, purporting to show our reporter walking from New York (on the left of the screen) to London (on the right). OK, so it's all done with overlays, but we'll let that pass.

No, the problem is that when he was standing in NY, the reporter had "BBC THREE" stamped across his forehead, and it all looked a complete prat's ear.

Still, at least we know that that report really *was* widescreen-safe, even though it didn't look it...

1. Bacon or sausage? Er, like, no.
2. Eggs: scrambled or not? If you must, hardboiled.
3. French toast or regular toast? Regular; French is passable as a filling snack before a late dinner.
4. Pancakes or waffles? Crepes, svp.
5. Mufins or bagels? Muffins.
6. Coffee or tea? Tea, preferably fruit tea.
7. Juice: orange or grapefruit? Orange. Apple is the juice of the gods, so perhaps not best suited to everyday consumption.
8. Hot or cold cereal? Cold.
9. To put in cereal: bananas or strawberries (or some other fruit)? Fruitless, or raisins and sultanas.
10. Eat breakfast at home or at a restaurant? At home. I'm not paying 6 quid (10 euro) for a meaty breakfast, only to leave two-thirds of it on my plate.

The six gentlemen walking along the corridor, in shirts of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, oblivious to the pattern they had accidentally formed.

During a propaganda tour, FTG Bush visits a school to explain his politics to kids. He invites the kids to ask him questions. Bobby stands up and tells him "Mr Bush, I got 3 questions:"

1 How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favor, you still won the election?
2 Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason?
3 Don't you also consider the bombing of Hiroshima the biggest terrorist attack of all times?

Before the liar can answer, the recess bell rings, and the kids leave the room. After they came back, Bush invited them again to ask questions. Joey stands up and tells him "Mr Bush, I got 5 questions:"

1 How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favor, you still won the election?
2 Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason?
3 Don't you also consider the bombing of Hiroshima the biggest terrorist attack of all times?
4 Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?
5 Where's Bobby?

The Party chairman is in on the act. While visiting Manchester, Dr John Reid described as "despicable cynicism" the suggestions that the current security flap around Heathrow and other leading airports was an elaborate ploy to convince the world in general, and the British public in particular, that international terrorism was still alive and shooting. The claim itself is *so* yesterday's commentary, and nothing much has changed since.

However, it leads us to wonder just why this well of cynicism runs so deep? Could it, perchance, have anything to do with the odious spinning nature of New Labour under the chairmanship of Dr Reid and others? We have grown accustomed to having to treat the daily exhortations of politicians with a large truckload of salt. Policies are softly leaked to the media and modified in the court of public opinion rather than being fully developed by The Party. Spending is announced, and announced again, and announced again, and announced again. Many of The Party's works appear to be good things, but actually verge on the superficial - or are damaging to society in general. Only last week, we saw a document that was caught between plagarism and inaccuracy.

Yes, Dr Reid, we're a cynical, almost heartless bunch of commentators. You should know. You've bred us this way.

Back in 1985, Sting wrote a song about a cold-war standoff. It was brilliant. Fast forward to 2003, and Russians is still relevent, and Gabriela Kulka has re-worked the song in an amazing, haunting style. Recommended. Highly.

The chicklet with the tight top and the pink streak running down her ponytail and the ugly guy in her mouth.

"I'm a musical illiterate," says Simon Mayo. That would explain why he was the lynchpin of Radio 1's schedule for fifteen years.

Troops are posted to Heathrow Airport near Slough. Commentators suggest that it's based on some sort of evidence, or intelligence, about a raised threat. However, conspiracy theorists [waves] suggest that it could all be a ruse to convince the public that there's a nebulous threat. Perhaps to encourage support for the War Against Terrer al-Qaeda Iraq; perhaps to convince that crowded places are bad, and half a million at Hyde Park is really bad, so don't come to Saturday's demo, mmmkay?

Here at Chateau Weaver, we have a soft spot for the European Single Currency. It's shiny, it's new, it's sensibly denominated, it's got some way cool coins (the bimetallic 2 Euro is a special favourite of ours) and the notes come in pretty colours.

The ECU has been picking up fans across the planet, not just in the Eurozone. We reported last month how it was becoming the hard currency of choice for Moscow's black market. Now we find that the ECU has gained other fans, in Baghdad of all places.

Back in November 2000, Baghdad started to price its oil in ECU, rather than in the traditional US dollars. Back in those days, the ECU was worth about 80 cents US; it's now worth $1.08. Iraq has made rather a good deal during the appreciation of the bridge against the greenback. More importantly, this move threatens the traditional dominance of the dollar in the oil world, and - by extension - the dominance of the dollar as the planet's currency of last resort.

If OPEC was to price its wares in ECU, economists suggest that the additional dollars in circulation could cause the greenback to decline by 20% relative to the Euro, and smaller amounts against other currencies. This would certainly cause a short-lived economic shock, as the UK saw when sterling fell by a similar amount following ejection from the Exchange Rate Mechanism in 1992, and ejection of the government at the next scheduled election (four and a half years later...) Mishandling of this event could well cause severe political and social problems, and the ejection of the government some time before the next scheduled election, as we saw in Argentina in late 2001.

Oh, and it would consolidate Europe's role as The Global Economic Superpower, leading to a new role as The Global Superpower, Period.

Interestingly, Iran has already begun to make moves to switch to the Euro as its currency of account. And which hard currency did North Korea start to use last December? The ECU.

So, let's re-write a bit of that last entry. When we talked about the War Against Terrer al-Qaeda Iraq The Euro.

Bleeh. A nasty attack of stomach cramps is really, really painful. Fortunately, I remembered an ex who had the same problems, and found a yoghurt plus a lie down helps. Thanks, A.

(And for those who never thought they'd see me type that... ho hum.)

Every cloud has a silver lining, and in this case it's an excuse to listen a little more carefully to Just A Minute and Round Britain Quiz. And hear Iain Duncan-Smith talk with authority about ambient trip-hop. Sets me thinking how we might be able to shoe-horn JAM into the election campaign. We've already seen IDS, Clement Food, Gyles Brandreth and (er) Kevin Day do very well in the 60 second talkfest, and distinctly less well in the Commons. Indeed, Mr Day was so rubbish that he never actually made it as far as The Party's Candidate list. But I'm sure the red side of the equation could put up a contestant or two. Just so long as every round wasn't "Why you should vote for me," we'll be fine.

Then a quick burst of music video TV, and spot exactly who Fake Punk Spice (left) really is. It's not Alison Hannigan. It is, of course, Michelle Trachtenberg. Right show, wrong character. Same age, same hairstyle, same ability (or otherwise) to sing, same annoying tendencies.

It's Game Over, Donald Rumsfeld! There we were, quietly analysing the reports from the NATO meeting in Germany yesterday, when the US suddenly started to invoke the spectre of the Nazis. Not only is this a flagrant breach of diplomatic protocol, it's also an excuse to bring into play Godwin's Law. The first side in an argument to invoke the Nazis has lost.

That was the Donald Rumsfeld Soundbite Of The Week.

The woman who bows to the inevitable and waves me across in front of her because it was clear I wasn't going to let her cross the footpath before me.

Finally, a bit of whimsey from when I was down with the indigestion. The Alphabet Of Song is loosely based on a Standing Joke on Clive Doig's sublime show JIGSAW. That joke was the Cockney Alphabet, and you'll see how it works. Right now.

A for orses - "My Wonderful Horse" - Father Father
B for mutton - "Gorecki" - Lamb
C for miles - "Circlesquare" - Wonder Stuff
D for ential - "Counting Backwards" - Throwing Muses
E for brick - "Another Brick in the Wall" - Pink Floyd
F for vessence - "Sparkle" - My Life Story
G for getit - "We're On The Ball" - Antan Dec
H for bless you - "The Cold Song" - Jewel
I for the engine - "There Goes the Fear" - Doves
J for oranges - "Peaches" - Presidents of the United States of America
K for restaurant - "Eat My Goal" - Collapsed Lung
L for leather - "Fall" - Victoria
M for sis - "My Sister" - Juliana Hatfield
N for a penny - "Penny Lover" - Lionel Richie
O for the wings of a dove - "The Wings Of A Dove" - Madness
P for relief - "Loser" - Beck
Q for the bus - "I'm Still Waiting" - Diana Ross
R for sixpence - "Breathe Your Name" - Sixpence None The Richer
S for you - "When Will You Make My Phone Ring" - Deacon Blue
T for gums - "Bark At The Moon" - Ozzy Osbourne
U for mizzem - "I Bet You They Won't Play This Song On The Radio" - Monty Python
V for la france - "Be My Baby" - Vanessa Paradis
W for the winnings - "You Win Again" - Bee Gees
X for breakfast - "Easy" - Faith No More
Y for husband - "Don't Marry Her" - Beautiful South
Z for wind - "Zephyr Song" - RHCP

Tra la la. Fred Durst talks about Birtney's Pears. "She has a life like Michael Jackson. It's, like, out of control. ... The people around her, pulling at her, people around her that are full of shit, just agreeing with her, like, it's kind of crazy, she almost can't see what's real and what's not."

Two words, Fred. Implants.

Pretty good television day today. Starts with a double bill of biathlon, a sport one either loves or hates. For me, the odd combination of skiing and shooting works very well, and I wouldn't mind going to see an event in person someday. Perhaps the one in Tallinn...

Then a Daria double bill, "Too Cute" and "Is It Fall Yet?" The latter is repeated from Easter Sunday, but still runs with only the one internal break, which is very good stuff.

This brings up the World Cup cricket, a sport that works better on the radio than on television. With ten overs to go, it looks like a win for the West Indies, but a run of sixes brings South Africa back within hailing distance, and the improbable comeback is only finished in the final over.