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So, the 97 election coverage gets a rerun. I wasn't in the country when this went out first time round, preferring a blazingly sunny day in a snowy St John's, NF... and taking cake and muffins with Father "never mind the words, look at the book" Labonte. Yes, some of us still remember .. (:

Anyway, the studio is utterly 1997, all purple and orange. Very similar to the colour scheme of C5's signature gameshows WHITTLE and 100%, and their sports show TURNSTYLE. The logo is almost exactly the "e" that Microsoft later used to promote their internet browser, which clearly needs to be retitled Internet Election 97. David Dimbleby still anchors, with Jeremy Paxman grilling Neil Pillock, David Steel and Michael Portfolio in the studio lounge. Cecil Parkinson, you're the chairman of a fertiliser firm: how deep is the mess you're in? Peter Snow has his whizz-bang video wall. It looks wonderful, it looks like they spent a million dollars, but it doesn't tell anything like as much as Bob's Cardboard Wall from eighteen years previously. All gimmick and no fact. Dimblebore has a more functional video wall, which can show one picture across a number of screens, or a lot of small pictures and a scoreboard. Very good.

First in the dead pool: Jill Dando, who beats Sir James Goldsmith to air by about ten minutes. Krishnan Guru-Murthy is still with the BBC, he's now moved on to anchor Channel 4 news. "It would be astonishing if [Portfolio] were to lose" says the commentator at 23:30. It's another slightly lost world: the part of "Foreign minister" is played by Malcolm Rifkind, he's fallen into obscurity since. Michael Heseltine is still a grandee in the Conservative party - by the time I reach Toronto airport the following Monday, he's suffered another heart attack and is retiring from front line politics. Edwina Currie is a candidate, not a fly-by-night radio presenter. Seb Coe is a candidate, not a sports administrator and part-time commentator. "Christine Hamilton is talking as ever." By midnight and a bit, the BBC forecasts 41 LD, 176 Tories, 415 Labourites, OM 171. It turned to 179, with another half dozen LD gains from the Blues. By 00:45, the OM was up to an astronomical 203. Ah, 171, 179, 203, at that sort of size, who cares?

Ah, the battle between Mellor and Goldsmith, with the man who tried to fund a referendum on Europe attracting a derisory 3% of the poll. Mellor was right to suggest that Goldsmith had been a loser, but wrong to suggest that Goldsmith was *the* loser. Goldsmith was completely out of order to heckle down Mellor in what would turn out to be his last speech on the public stage.

Returning to modern politics, the Observer reports that the UK will not return to the ERM. "It's not relevant to any decision about British membership of a single currency," say the mandarins. One of the events that will be completely obscured by commemorations of Sept Eleven is Black Wednesday, the day when sterling was bounced out of its ties to the Deutsch Mark in 1992. The article suggests that the UK can dictate her own terms for joining the single European currency, but I don't think that this would be a sustainable position. I've no moral objections to joining the ECU, but there are economics to be hammered out, and right now, I don't think the case has been made.

From the geopolitical to the micropolitical: removing rubbish posters. It's litter. And confused by the "lose weight now" and "work from home" ads? It's a scam. Natch.

With nothing else to show, BBC Parliament repeats the election night show from 1979. A fascinating look back at the oh-so-high tech graphics - a map of Britain with a little flashing light to show where the constituency is, and the figures, and that's about it. A basic block chart showing movements, and share. Nothing too whizz-bang, nothing that rocks the boat.

Robert MacKenzie (dead) of the swingometer, and the list of target seats is simply a list of seats, on a bit of cardboard, with those magnetic rosettes when results come in. Robin Day (dead) chomping on a cigar, giving Springer-esque soundbites. David Butler (now of Radio 4) giving the reasons behind the figures, and Angela Rippon (now retired?) giving summaries. Peregrine Worsthorne (Telegraph; retired) and Simon Jenkins (Grauniad, active) as further analysts. Nick Clark (now of The World At One) in Salford, Frank Bough (then of Nationwide) in Guildford. No Peter Snow, no Jezza Paxman. Some things remain the same: David Dimbleby anchors the coverage. We kicked off with Richard Baker reading the Nine O'Clock News (at 9:30), in front of a hessian curtain. And a very young Ian McCaskill giving the weather at the Big Board, with five miles of rubber strip being isobars.

Politicians? "The foreign secretary" is David Owen, who has been through the Esdipi and missions to Bosnia before stirring up trouble in the Lords. "Chancellor" is played by Denis Healy, "Prime Minister" by someone called Jim Callaghan. Spot "Porrit" standing in St Marylebone - that would be Johnathan, of Friends of the Earth and a vocal critic of the current government's pisspoor environmental policies. Norman Lamont holds Kingston - later a Chancellor, and we'll see him again when we do 1997 tomorrow. By 00:55, the Beeb predicts a Tory majority of about 38 (they got 44.) Tebbit is part of "Thatcher's Gang" - he'll be the lynchpin of the party until being dumped after the 87 election. Thorpe was still going in Devon, the former Liberal leader had been on trial for some trumped-up reason or other. This was also the outing for Dr Boakes, the Lord Sutch of the era. The Tories have high hopes of winning in Putney, and a chap called David Mellor defeats a former Arts minister to take the seat. He'll go on to become famous, and we'll see *him* again tomorrow.

1am, and a summary. In other news, the US Senate has voted to block foreign aid to Afghanistan. The Tories have held Yeovil with a reduced majority, from a chap called Ashdown. His first shot at a seat he'll take next time, then go to lead the merged Liberal Democrat party. The part of "home secretary" is played by someone called Merlyn Rees. There are Labour candidates addressing their "comrades", and reports that some constituencies were dissatisfied with their candidates because they weren't left-wing enough. It's a whole other world! You can't be a Labour candidate and refer to "comrades" any more, as it smacks far, far too much of old-school socialism. As for the Labour party being left wing, I'll take a para break to recover from a fit of the giggles.

The classic moment when the phone goes off during the declaration, and the independent candidate standing next to it has to quietly whip it off the hook. Also guest appearances from Jonathan King (lost), Sir Clement Food (won), and Anthony Beaumont-Dark (thirteen years of being *the* MP for rent-a-gob begin ... here!) Then a young - very young! - John Stapledtogether, nine years before he rose to real fame on WATCHDOG with his potential death trap of a wife. The breakfast show features A Topical Song By Mr Richard Stilgoe, a cartoonist, and a very early review of the papers. The early morning rostrum camera had not yet been invented.

Le cinq du jour. Bien.

1. What is your biggest pet peeve? Why? Hey, some of us are trying to let peeves go free, not keep them as pets (: Ones that seem to come home to roost are a strong preference for correct grammar and punctuation. Use whole words, not 7e3t abbreviations or txcntrctns.

Capital letters have their place. I know enough people who write cogently without capitals to not make them mandatory, but their presence is reassuring. Conversely, anyone who posts entirely in capitals will get a very terse response, bordering on the nasty.

Paragraphing also helps. When writing for the screen, it's vital to break up ideas into discrete chunks.

And the old canard of when to use "that" and when to use "which" to introduce subordinate clauses. The last time I mentioned this, a regular viewer asked for a rule of thumb. Here it is.
Use "which" if and only if it introduces a clause that can be deleted without changing the meaning of the sentence.
This rule contains its own example: can be deleted is a subordinate clause, but it's vital to the sentence.

2. What irritating habits do you have? Depending on who you ask, biting my nails can be an irritating habit. As can walking at almost 7kph, about 2kph faster than most other people can manage.

3. Have you tried to change the irritating habits or just let them be? These days, biting nails tends to be only because they are very brittle, and break when I don't have nail scissors to hand, and a half-broken nail just annoys. No way am I slowing down for anyone.

4. What grosses you out more than anything else? Why? Contact lenses. Never saw the attraction of putting fiddly things in eyes. When the time comes to have corrective lenses (and it will) I shall wear them as visible glasses. All the best people have spectacles: Mr Giles, Daria, Lixz, the list is almost endless.

5. What one thing can you never see yourself doing that other people do? Dance. I have no rhythm, nor ability to jig about without dying of embarrassment.

US forces stage a raid on Iraqi positions near the Jordan border. The US claims rebuttal for being hit by anti-aircraft fire in the no-fly zone. Others suggest the occupying power is trying to instigate a fight and waiting for one of its planes to get shot down so it can claim a reason to go to war. In the interim, it gets the chance to disable Iraq's military structures.

Republicans are coming back from their districts after the summer congressional recess. The words they are hearing about the apology for an administration's apology for Iraqi policies: "concern" and "unease."

Tony Blair tells the BBC that Britain must be prepared to pay a "blood price" and attack Iraq without provocation to secure its special relationship with the US. This is baloney of the highest order. Britain does not need to pay anything to secure a special relationship with the US, still less pay it in plasma. If the red stuff is to be spilled, I expect the World President to put his head on the chopping block first.

I do not understand why a previously intelligent statesman like Blair seems to be reluctantly kowtowing to 42.7b, when 42.7b has so little support within his own party and administration. Furthermore, 88% of Labour MPs say there should be no attack without proof - Blair has offered none.

In NY, the first car on every subway train is to be the Singles Car, for people not in a relationship. The third car on even-numbered trains will be a Three Card Stud car, where hands will be played for small stakes. Car four on trains evenly divisible by 7, but not by 3 or 11 will feature a staring contest, and will be labelled The Jonathan Mann car. The second-to-last car on trains carrying a prime number will be an orgy car, except where this is already a staring contest.

The Independent of South Africa reports: 42.7b repeatedly refused to take calls from Nelson Mandela. Not to be deterred, Mandela did what any 80 year old man would do when faced with a spoilt child: he called his dad, George 41, and asked him to keep his kid in line, with regard to 42.7b's plans for Iraq.

We ask: What kind of jackass refuses to take a call from Nelson Mandela? Is there a man alive with greater international respect? When the world hears of this, they'll lose all respect for 42.7b. Again.

Mandela knows how to operate. When he was a lawyer, when he was a political prisoner, his actions were always well timed and well aimed. The respect and integrity he built up over 27 years of imprisonment give him a real voice. Most importantly, he knows to use that moral power sparingly. This is not a man who is on constant phone calls or junkets around the world, like some World Presidents we could mention. Mandela works on what he deems important, and only what he deems important.

In not entirely unrelated news, Scotland Yard says a terrorist attack in Britain or Europe is inevitable. Just ask the people from The I Can't Believe It's Not The IRA, or ETA, or the Kosov@ Liberation Army, or responsible for writing Norway's entry to next year's Eurovision Song Contest...

Still on the area, Slate is running a not-bad Real War On Terrorism. After three parts, it's a decent analysis of the situation, with some interesting proposed solutions. The advertised book for this series is either serendipitous or totally insensitive, and I'm not sure which.

Elsewhere ... Envy of the corkingest song in a long time ... Celeb Survivor 2 updated daily.

AMERICAN IDLE, the decade-long search for a minor star, ends tonight, with a face-off is between Liza Tarbuck and Sideshow Bob. Just as in the UK, where Campovan upset The Annoying One, the contestant who has been the frontrunner all the way looks to lose out. There were more missed notes than a bank after a particularly vicious heist, and even guest star William Young found the occasion too much.

Germany apparently has evidence that is relevant to the trial of September 11th conspiracy defendant Zacarias Moussaoui, but it is going to withhold it unless the US can guarantee that it won't be used to secure a death penalty against him. This poses some interesting questions about the scope of international politics and the death penalty.

The German government won't extradite suspects who would face a death sentence, or assist in capital cases. This is not simply because of her own ban on capital punishment, but also in order to follow the conditions of the European Human Rights Convention. Other countries, such as Canada, adopt a similar position.

Some might argue that the Germans are grandstanding on the European stage, making a public point against the USA. Others suggest that the country is taking the moral high ground, because the death penalty issue is the realm of basic human rights, and is above international politics. She is also following an international treaty that she's signed, a concept alien to Antipresident 42.7b.

On the other hand, what does this matter? Barring a major miracle, Moussaoui is a dead man. The US junta will sentence him to death with or without this evidence, because there a few million people who are seeking retribution in its country. The junta doesn't care about due process here, it only wants to give the appearance of caring about due process.

Even if Germany were to secure a promise that the US wouldn't sentence him to death, this wouldn't alter the outcome one iota. What happens then? Does Germany go to war over one man? No, but it is the end of co-operation between US and German law enforcement authorities.

On the other other hand, killing this chap would create a martyr in the eyes of those who might have such fantasies in the future. If they US takes the evidence, sentences him to a very l-o-n-g jail sentence (say, one life sentence for every victim) and put him in a very, very dark place, they avoid the whole martyr bit.

World President Blair promises to publish a dossier of the evidence against Sadaam Hussein. The UK leader claims his Iraqi counterpart has been building up weapons of mass destruction. That dossier in full in the next section.

Hey, I'm convinced now!

New address for Tuesday Morning Quarterback, the only sports commentary worth its salt. TMQ predicts The Girls -v- The Bungles for the Stuporbowl, and exactly one and a half divisional winners to repeat.

TOIW Daria writes. And the fashionistas try to do something for charidee. And Jake tries to compose a song. And they all fail. It's the usual sitcom idea: three disparate takes on the same concept. Not a particularly novel concept, but executed with more vim and vigour than any other sitcom I've seen lately. Up there with the great episodes of FRIENDS. Continuing points: in all five S5 episodes so far, Jane has referred to "Morgendorfer." And this is at least the third time Helen has expressed worries that Daria and Tom are at it. And a blast from the past: "Erin" is the one who got married early in S2.

Tony Hawks. Worra guy. Comedian. Singer. Leader of the Conservative party. Does this man's talent have any beginning? Evidently not: he doesn't skateboard.

The King and Queen of tat are back in the news. David and Victoria Posh Spice Beckham's decision to call their second son Romeo brings about the usual headlines. The Times and Guardian ask "What's in a name?". The peculiar perversion of "Why for art thou Romeo?" appears on the front pages of both the Sun and the Mirror, both printblogs revealing their lack of basic literacy knowledge: "Wherefore" means "Why." Why did Posh 'n' Becks want to call their new sprog Romeo? After the titular character of the movie who bares a strong visual resemblance to the footier.

I feel a Monday Mission looming.

1. What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you on a date?
The meal before the dance, and I'm so hyper I can eat virtually nothing. And can't keep it down. Thank %deity% for restrooms.

2. Do you eat your veggies?
Um, yes. I don't eat my meat, mind.

3. Most people are comfortable going to the bathroom in front of at least one person. Has anyone ever used the restroom in front of you that you wish wouldn't have? What happened and how bad was it?
There's always the people who leave a big stink behind them...

4. Have you ever had a bad online transaction? You know, the item wasn't what you thought it would be, you got totally ripped-off, no refunds, it just plain sucked? What's the story there?
Don't think so, unless you count the wife that turned into a chimera. But that doesn't really count as an online transaction.

5. Ever have a current love find any old love letters (or similar item) you kept that probably should have been thrown away? How did that turn out?
No.

6. A secretary at work was telling me about a trip she took to Mardi Gras. She showed off her beaded necklaces and proudly said she "earned' each and every one of them (for those not familiar with this tradition, ladies walking up Burbon St. in New Orleans will flash people who are upon the balconies, in return the guys will throw them worthless plastic necklaces). I was shocked, I had no idea this quiet gal had a wild side. Was there ever a time when you did something totally outrageous because you knew no one would know who you were, or maybe didn't care even if they did?
No. Gee whizz, I'm boring today.