The Snow In The Summer or So-So - Charivari

We sail on the stormy waters

Mon, 12 May 2008 18:08:31 GMT

UK Singles Chart for w/c 12 May 1991
Number One	The shoop shoop song (it's in his kiss) - Cher - 3rd week (Number 664 in seq.)
Highest new entry	Gypsy woman (la da dee) - Crystal Waters - number 3
Fastest climber (within top 40)	Fading like a flower - Roxette - up 12 to 14
Fastest climber (within top 75)	Highway 5 - Blessing - up 16 to 47
Lemming-like fall	Word of mouth - Mike + The Mechanics - down 30 to 72
Top 40 debuts	Colour Me Badd, Flowered Up, Paul Weller Movement, Crystal Waters
Top 40 exits	Lonnie Gordon, Samantha Janus
Top 75 debuts	Colour Me Badd, Divinyls, Bob Marley, Paul Weller Movement, Shabba Ranks, Saint Etienne, Crystal Waters, Wendell Williams
Top 75 exits	KC And The Sunshine Band, Secchi, Carly Simon, Simpsons, That Petrol Emotion
Simon Mayo's Record of the Week	Kiss them for me - Siouxsie and the Banshees

(More: Yugoslavia, World Party, why Paul Weller is like Margaret Thatcher, Flowered Up, Wilson Phillips, and Tainted Love. With songs by OMD and Crystal Waters.)

Down a place to 4 came Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark, with Sailing on the seven seas. Cor, remember when they had hits? From the sublime to the earwig: the highest new entry, straight in at number 3, is Crystal Waters's Gypsy woman (la da dee), so named for people who only knew the track from its very large hook. Those who remembered the song from its stabbing keyboard section were less lucky. All of which leaves no change at 2 for the KLF's Last train to trancentral, and a third week leading the way for Cher's Shoop shoop song.

Weather in week 19

Sun, 11 May 2008 19:11:29 GMT

It's summer! Winds swung round to the south east on Monday, allowing long sunny spells to develop. At this time of year, and in light breezes, that will lead to increasingly warm days, and probably some thunder showers. The latter we've yet to experience, but the heat certainly grew over the week-end as the winds abated. Next week will see the picture reverse, with increasing easterly winds blowing the worst of the heat away. Pressure will drop for southern parts from about Wednesday, with the possibility of showers growing towards the week-end, so do wrap up.

05 Mo rain to cloud     11/20, 8.0
06 Tu sun                5/22
07 We sun                8/24
08 Th sun                8/23
09 Fr sunny spells      12/21
10 Sa cloudy            10/24
11 Su sun               12/25

Rainfall in May: 15.5mm; monthly average: 64mm

Degree heating days: 804
2006-7: 492/499
2005-6: 684/684
2004-5: 556/556
2003-4: 753/754

Degree cooling days: 19
2007: 5/ 91
2006: 13/360
2005: 1/238
2004: 2/198
2003: 11/328

News of week 19

Sun, 11 May 2008 19:10:35 GMT

Johann Hari gave a useful manifesto for those who wish to cut the ground from underneath the BNP: build more council houses, boost the minimum wage, kill faith schools and ethnic centres. In short: follow the French model.

Dmitri Medvedev has been sworn in as Russia's new puppet, and pledged to ensure civil and economic freedom so long as it's what the KGB wants.

A cyclone hit the reclusive country of Burma. Though the ruling military junta has been reluctant to release numbers, it's believed that at least 50,000 were killed, and many more left homeless. The military junta was also reluctant to accept foreign aid, impounding much of the produce flown in by the UN, and declining visas for aid staff. Some countries muttered about launching an invasion to ensure that human rights were upheld; other powers, which don't treat human rights as rights, demurred, with Red China failing to exploit its considerable sway in Burma.

Forces loyal to Hizbollah gave a show-of-strength in west Beiruit, invading part of the city during three days of fierce fighting. The group withdrew after agreeing a ceasefire with the government and army.

This week's domestic spat was over the leadership of the Labour party. It was played out in many ways: Mrs. Alexander, the leader of Labour in the Scottish Parliament, invited the SNP to bring on an independence referendum. Her counterpart in Westminster, Mr. The Soup Dragon, said that Mrs. Alexander was not calling for an immediate referendum; though this was technically correct, it was misleading, as Mrs. Alexander had been requesting the SNP to bring forward a ballot scheduled for 2010. Sniping continuted from forces loyal to ancien British prime minister Mister Tony Blair; Mr. Prescott claimed that he had intervened in many battles between the two men, Mr. Byers expressed his doubts, and Mrs. Blair said that Mr. The Soup Dragon was consulting his predecessor for advice. Underlying all this is a profound shock at the party's woeful performance in local elections last week, and the realisation that Labour no longer enjoys the support of the country. See also: Alan Watkins on the battle of PMQs.

Sport, and Gloucester won the league in English rugby union. Leinster won the Celtic League.

Shows in week 19

Sun, 11 May 2008 19:10:22 GMT

This week, we've been watching and hearing...

Washes Whiter: The Getaway People (The Fourth Programme, repeat from 1990) The final episode examines how advertising reflected society's values and momentary cultural norms - how Now! Now! Now! lasted from 1964 to 1967, and not a moment longer; how the original petrol commercials were just a camera pointing out of the front of a car; by 1980, Esso was almost using the basic tenets of Thatcherism in its commercials (invest for the future); the growth of the brand as aspiration, beginning with the famous flop of Strand cigarettes; how the enterprise culture took things over in 1984, and were replaced by a brief greenwash in 1989. Looking back, it's amazing how the Now! Now! Now! concerns of spring 1990 are almost exactly the same as the Now! Now! Now! concerns of spring 2008, and weren't the Now! Now! Now! concerns of the time between. Again, we find ourselves writing snot-o-grams to The Fourth Controller because the continuity announcer was talking over programme content. Shut up, we won't be watching the next show, so please stop advertising it. BFI showpage

More or Less (Open University for Radio 4) Why stress is a health matter (but only amongst men), maths in The Simpsons (whatever that is), and measuring the economy via opinion polls. Showpage

Election Night (BBC-1, 2 May) David Bumblebee is, perhaps, at the point where he should be hived off, because his heart really wasn't in it. Those who are Quirks will be pleased to hear that details of the Southampton changes were broadcast on the BBC, at one in the morning. And Jeremy Vine. He's a perfectly competent presenter, a little too brash and tabloidy for Radio 4, perfectly suited to the lunchtime slot on Radio 2. And he's probably a decent addition to the election night team, but he needs a job swap. Give him the slightly lighter features, the Emily Maitliss Down The Pub (or, in this case, with the bloggers at Tower Bridge) kind of thing. Whatever the editors do, they shouldn't give him the comedy roles, because he's not good at them. Though we can see Jeremy acting as the straight man to a comedy double-act alongside his brother Tim. That said, not even a comedy genius could get the now-infamous Sharp-Shot Clegg skit to stand up; the basic premise was ludicrous. So was the gallery of Stalin to Bean. The cartoons, for those of us whose recorders were still working at 3.15am, were more like it.

The Philosopher's Zone: In Defence of Anarchism (ABC Radio National) Robert Wolff discusses the philosophical side of anarchy: not the shaven-headed louts throwing paving slabs at the police, but the way that the police operate with the consent of the people, and that politicians work only because the general populace cede some autonomy for the greater good. Trying to change that balance should require very careful explanation. That seems to have been forgotten by the current political classes, who aggregate as much power as they can. Transcript, audio until the end of May.

Look Away Now (Radio 4) The last episode of the season has the crew looking at pop groups, and some children trying to do the show: we particularly liked their tennis song. Showpage

BBC Young Musician and It's Not What You Know for future Weeks.

Have I Got News For You (Hat Trick for BBC-2) This is more like it. Bill Bailey hosts the review of the election results, with a fabulous straight man appearance from Nick Robinson - who had a non-apology apology from the Head of Election Night Unfunniness. Reg Hunter was the other panellist, and he was as unfunny and out of his depth as eve

Arts in week 19

Sun, 11 May 2008 19:10:08 GMT

UK Singles Chart for w/c 11 May 2008
Number One	Four minutes - Mad Nod / Justin Numberwang - 4th week (Number 1061 in seq.)
Highest new entry	Violet hill - Coldplay - number 8
Fastest climber (within top 40)	Daylight - Kelly Rowland - up 22 to 14
Fastest climber (within top 75)	In my arms - Kylie Minogue - up 36 to 10
Lemming-like fall	It's about time - One Night Only - down 41 to 78
Top 40 debuts	Cardiff City FC, Wideboys, Santogold
Top 75 debuts	Cardiff City FC, Lil Mama

In the Netherlands, top hunk Marco Borsato is back, and Wit licht is the new number one. Lost highway is the new number one in Norway, and it's from reigning World Idle Kurt Nilsen.

In the UK, trouble for David Jordan, whose third single Move on can only make number 100. Noah and the Whale and Vampire Weekend also miss the canonical chart. There is space for Paramore's That's what you get, which we think is their best single so far; but also for Aerosmith's I don't want to miss a thing, which is nine-and-a-half years old. Lil Mama and Taio Cruz climb into the top 75, while Captain's Keep an open mind makes 53. Captain were EMI's big priority a couple of summers ago, but their rather decent track Glorious fell short of the top 40. Time's not been good to them, unlike Scooter, climbing 18 places to 49 with The question is what is the question.

Santogold breaks the top 40 with Les artistes up 14 to 37, a song that's beginning to grow on us. No such slowness for Sara Bareilles, Love song is up 22 to 30, it's one of those wonderfully upbeat and optimistic tunes that worm into the brain after about half a listen, but have depth. Unlike Nickelbore, whose Rockstar finally drops out after its 845,442nd week in the top 20.

Former Eurovision contestant watch, and James Fox (UK-04) has a second hit; Bluebirds flying high is recorded with the Cardiff City FC squad, and it's the first Cup Final single to chart in a surprisingly large number of years. Indeed, we reckon that it's the first substantial hit since Manchester United's Lift it high (all about belief) just missed the top ten in 1999. Remarkably, one of the actually decent cup final songs, though no Come on you reds. Since then, we've had Chelsea's Blue tomorrow (22, 2000) and Millwall's Oh Millwall (41, 2004), plus releases from Arsenal, Lincoln City, Yeovil, Bristol City, and supporters songs from Brighton and Hartlepools.

More Welsh talent as Duffy rises 12 to 17, but last week's Highest New Entry is this week's Fastest Climber, as Kely Rowland's Daylight rises 22 to 14. Kylie Minouge's In my arms is the fastest climber within the top 75, storming up 36 to 10. Shame it's rubbish. Coldplay have the highest new entry at 8 with Violet hill, a fact that marks a U-turn by ROPRA. The chart body has previously barred downloads of tracks that were available for free, but has now overturned its (rather ludicrous) original decision. For the moment, it's the highest place a digital-only song has made. Will I Am is the significant mover within a mostly-static upper tier, going 8-4 with Heartbreaker, and Wiley displaces Sam Sparro from number 2. Still no getting past the forty-nine-year-old-mother-of-two and Justin Numberwang. This top five pattern (1-3-2-8-4) has happened three times in the past, most recently the week before christmas 1995 with Wacko, Bozone, the Beatles, Bjork, and Everything But the Girl.

If the singles chart is staid to the point of predictability, the albums chart is remarkable. Scooter (yes, Scooter!) have the number 1 album, with their singles collection Jumping All Over The World. Mad Nod drops to two, Duffy holds at 3, and Sam Sparr

Pools panel verdict: no-score draw

Sat, 10 May 2008 10:07:12 GMT

Sometimes, on the very rare occasion, there is something of minor value in spam. So it was with one that plopped through our inbox recently from someone who was trying to sell us ~~snake oil~~ search-engine optimisation:

We can guarantee you top ten positions in G****e, or your money back [...]
The number of incoming G****e links: 0

Two thoughts arose. First, given that we already have an optimal position in G****e, why should we pay these people one new penny. And second, hey, we have an optimal position in G****e. Our main aim, of disrupting G****e's operation to a point that its index becomes clearly less useful, is complete.

For instance, a search for John Major's mistress on Clusty recently returned our feature article in top place, ahead of the column from Steve Platt of the New Statesman, and a re-print of an interview with Ms Latimer. Run the same search through Scroogle, and we're nowhere. The single most useful article (as determined by Clusty, it's not just us blowing our own trumpet) about Clare Latimer is invisible to G****e's remaining few users.

(More: further thoughts on comments, and it all comes back to a fair distribution of resources.)

The first part of our campaign has finished: G****e is now demonstrably less useful than it would be were it indexing our site, and does not feature any links to us. We can therefore reduce the aggressive re-directs in our campaign. With effect from 3 May, the following rules have been in effect:

G****ebot remains barred.
Any references in from a G****e site remain barred, unless they are allowed. This should be an academic point.
References in from G****e Mail to specific HTML pages are allowed. We aim to allow links to the front page, but our code has yet to be tested.
References in from G****e Mail to graphics files are barred. The first link in we got from this relaxation was some twerp remotely loading one of our graphics, and we can't be doing with that kind of nonsense.

The readme file has been amended.

We still believe that G****e is a fundamentally evil project, and that those who continue working for it are - at the very best - acting in an ethically poor manner.

People of Britain, I vow to transform your lives with a detailed redistributive portfolio of prudent and equitable tax credits. Oh yes.

Wed, 07 May 2008 17:34:39 GMT

One final point from the election night coverage that we needed to research. Prof. King mentioned the worst results for the government in recent history: the 1985 county council elections had a projected national share of Lab 41 C 30 All 29. (Yes, we remember the Liberal / SDP Alliance.) Young whippersnappers...

The closing summary: that just about wraps it up for the New Labour project. The party smells of decay, it is a busted flush, and the work to get the Conservatives out, and get Jessica Duchen in, begins here.

Mayor Johnson has decreed that no-one shall consume alcohol on London's buses, tubes, trams, or stations. The final hedonistic Circle Line Party can take place on 31 May: afterwards, it's nothing stronger than ginger beer.

The leader of the Scottish Labour party has called for an early referendum on independence for Scotland. Mrs. Alexander clearly believes that this would spike the guns of the SNP, and settle the constitutional position for a generation or more.

The government-appointed Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs has published its third report in five years into cannabis, and concluded that there was no evidence to change the penalties attached to cannabis. Consumption has fallen since 2004, and the incidence of mental disturbance amongst regular users has also decreased.

(More: On referenda in Scotland, the difference between The Liberal Party and the Liberal Democrats, and the government ignoring good advice to pander to the tabloids.)

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