The Number Ones of 2003

Global Biggies

Jan 4 Jenny From The Block - Jennifer Lopez (week 2)

In which the most real person on the planet explains how she's still in touch with her roots. Oh yes, she knows that a pint of milk costs $1.24. Plus tax. If she really were still down-to-earth, she wouldn't have felt the need to produce this self-congratulatory piece of bish.

Jan 11 Lose Yourself - Eminem (weeks 3-7)

And back he comes.

Feb 15 All The Things She Said - Tatu (6 weeks)

Today Uckfield, tomorrow the world.

Mar 29 Beautiful - Clitring Aguilera (2 weeks)

Doesn't she have hobbit feet?

Apr 12 I'm With You - Avril Lavigne (1 week)

Second global chart-topper for the teen with a huge voice.

Apr 19 In The Club - 50 Cent (6 weeks)

Don't like this one little bit.

May 31 Bring Me To Life - Evanescence (11 weeks+)

Ah, this is a bit more like it. A down-and-dirty rock song, with the warblings of a slightly demented rock chick. Bound to be huge. And it is.

Hot 100 Number Ones

Jan 2 Lose Yourself - Eminem (weeks 10-12)

Hasn't he shut up yet?

Jan 23 Bump Bump Bump - B2K / R Kelly (1 week)

The US equivalent of Five or the Flopstars, apparently.

Jan 30 All I Have - Jennifer Lopez / LL Cool J (4 weeks)

Oh, brother, it gets worse.

Feb 27 At The Club - 50 Cent (9 weeks)

A rapper with no discernable talent. Is not channelling the spirit of Kenickie, which would have been far more fun.

May 1 Get Busy - Sean Paul (3 weeks)

How can anyone bear to listen to this unmitigated crap?

May 22 21 Questions - 50 Cent / Nate Dogg (3 weeks)

We have just one question: why? Gawds, bring on the Pop Idles.

Jun 19 This Is The Night - Clay Aiken (2 weeks)

Well, here's something a bit different, an actual song at #1. This hasn't happened since Nelly and Kelly and Kelly were battling it out in October last year. Okay, it owes more than a little to 2000 Eurovision winner Fly On The Wings Of Love crossed with Mickey Hart (Ireland 2003)'s We've Got The World Tonight, but it's a start, I suppose.

Jul 3 Crazy In Love - Beyonce Knowles / Jay Z (6 weeks+)

Serial song spoiler Jayzed drags up some obscure but very funky 70s beat, and adds in erstwhile Destiny's Child warbler Beyonce Nohope to provide some nonsensical nursery rhyme type rubbish. It's not much cop, all things considered.

Euro-toppers

Jan 4 Asereje (The Ketchup Song) - Las Ketchup (3 weeks)

The most meaningful lyrics from the offspring of a Spanish record producer once known as The Tomato. It was a massive hit in the Med last summer, and hasn't yet taken the hint and buggered off.

Jan 25 Lose Yourself - Eminem (11 weeks)

One door closes, another door closes...

Apr 17 In The Club - 50 Cent (7 weeks)

Global domination and boredom.

Jun 7 Bring Me To Life - Evanescence (10 weeks+)

Screeching banshees or the greatest thing since sliced bread? You decide.

UK #1s

Jan 5 Lose Yourself - Eminem (weeks 4-5)

Droning on and on and on...

Jan 19 Stop Living The Lie - David Sneddon (1 week)

Apparently, Sneddon was the winner of the BBC's dire SHAME ACADEMY show last autumn, where a bunch of no-hopers secreted themselves away in a North London hideaway and gave pisspoor "advice" to a bunch of wannabes. This chap came out ahead in the public vote, part of his prize was to have a few disks released, this is the first, and it sells a "mere" 125,000 copies first week. That's still 2.5% of the viewing figures, so compares well with the Papstars bands but not with Will "8%" Young or Gareth "6%" Gates.

Jan 26 Lose Yourself - Eminem (week 6)

And there's more.

Feb 2 All The Things She Said - Tatu (5 weeks)

Perfect pop production from Trevor Horn, treating the human voice as another instrument in the mix. Ignore the rumpus surrounding the vocal providers, they're nice straight schoolgirls from a small village near Uckfield.

Mar 9 Beautiful - Clitring Aguilera (1 week)

Where we find the raunchy sex kitten getting all sensitive and self-regarding, and finding things to appreciate everywhere. This has been a massive hit in the US, unlike Dirty - #2 here, #48 with an anvil Stateside. Evidently they didn't appreciate the video. This one's not quite as slushy as 2000's I Turn To You, but sure as heck isn't the usual noisy stuff.

Mar 16 All I Have - Jennifer Lopez / LL Cool J (1 week)

As seen in the US.

Mar 23 Spirit In The Sky - Gareth Gates (2 weeks)

It's this year's Comic Relief single, it's a cover of Norman Greenbaum's 1970 classic, it was a number one for Dr and the Medics in 1986. So, Gaga has done one of four winning versions of Unchained, one of three of this. The only triple topper he hasn't been involved in is "Yule Never Walk Alone".

Apr 6 Make Love - Room 5 (1 week)

With vocal extensions by Oliver Cheetham. Popular only because it's been used in some commercial or other.

Apr 13 In The Club - 50 Cent (4 weeks)

You paid half a euro for this? Rip off Britain strikes again.

May 11 Ignition - R Kelly (4 weeks)

Kiddy-fiddler tops charts with rubbish.

Jun 8 Bring Me To Life - Evanescence (10 weeks+)

Yay! Only the second Really Good #1 Of The Year, combining a heavy metal beat with soaring, ethereal vocals. Whisper it softly, but Finnish band Nightwish have been doing this lark for some years, It takes the biggest thing to come from Little Rock in a century to popularise the scene, and it's a wonderful breath of fresh air. When the 'Nescence spent their eighth week at the top in late July, they became the longest chart topper since Wet Wet Wet's 15 week reign of terror in summer 1994.

US Airplay Leaders (AC, HAC, AAA only)

Jan 1 Game Of Love - Santana featuring Michelle Branch (6 weeks)

Santana's comeback single is a jazzy romp through the alphabet, singing and dancing its way through life. With vocals by rising star Michelle Branch, whose contribution is probably greater than Mr Santana's.

Feb 12 Landslide - Dixie Chicks (6 weeks)

The decently soulful cover version, respectful without really adding that much to the orignal tune.

Mar 26 Clocks - Coldplay (10 weeks)

After the Dixies incur the wrath of the Bush Broadcasting Craporation, they slump from 1-12 on this survey, and 10-43 on the Hot 100. The replacement is the biggest British hit in some years.

Jun 5 Calling All Angels - Train (5 weeks)

The third Really Big Hit from this San Fran act, following 99's "Meet Virginia" and 01's "Drops of Jupiter". You know where you are with these gentlemen.

Jul 9 Unwell - Matchbox Twenty (3 weeks)

It's been a long time on the rise, five months since it debuted, finally hitting the top of the Credible US Chart. Rob Thomas and his band were clearly not in the best of sorts while making this album, Unwell being one of the milder epithets, and one of the stronger songs.

Jul 30 Calling All Angels - Train (weeks 6-7+)

Back.

Adult Contemporary #1s

Jan 6 Cry - Faith Hill (week 3)

You make me wanna...

Jan 13 Can't Stop Loving You - Phil Collins (weeks 3-4)

No men wearing loincloths...

Jan 27 Cry - Faith Hill (week 4)

Really don't see the attraction of this one. Sorry.

Feb 3 Landslide - Dixie Chicks (7 weeks)

There's an unwritten law that every band has to do a Fleetwood Mac cover at some point in their career. Here's the Chicks'.

Mar 24 Beautiful - Clitring Aguilera (8 weeks)

Following some sensible comments by one of the Chicks, US radio deserted them in droves, and "Landslide" lost exactly half its spins in seven days, falling from 1 to 11. Given that a three-point movement on the AC chart is normally headline news, this is zimmer-frame-breaking turnover. The replacement is Clitring's first AC topper, and one that was going to head the campaign at some point anyway.

May 19 Game Of Love - Santana / Michelle Branch (weeks 5-6)

Amazing powers of resistance here - Carlos and Chelle were last at the top of the lists at the very end of 2002, but have never dipped below #4 for a week since.

Jun 2 Drift Away - Uncle Kraker / Dobie Gray (11 weeks+)

Thirty years after it was originally a hit, a star of yesteryear teams up with a star of this year to re-record the spiritual anthem. Surprisingly, this was never that huge at AC radio in 1973, the format going through something of a 1950s revival at the time, so it's only now that the song hits the top here.

Hot AC #1s

Jan 7 Game Of Love - Santana featuring Michelle Branch (weeks 6-10)

...and jive on some more.

Feb 4 Landslide - Dixie Chicks (1 week)

Taking the lists by storm.

Feb 11 I'm With You - Avril Lavigne (9 weeks)

Second topper on this chart for Avril, following a nine-week domination for Complicated. This is classic Hot AC, soulful and bleeding heart. If only she could sing...

Apr 21 Unwell - Matchbox Twenty (17 weeks+)

A jolly, bouncealong number from the group that's clearly on top of the world. Hang on...

AAA #1s

Jan 1 A Sorta Fairytale - Tori Amos (1 week)

First single from Amos' new label, a soaring piano number that recaptures a journey on roads in California.

Jan 8 Clocks - Coldplay (14 weeks)

Second single released to radio in the US, and perhaps a stronger, if more introspective, tune than UK release The Scientist.

Apr 15 The Remedy (I Won't Worry) - Jason Mraz (3 weeks)

Change, when it came, was through a rising acoustic star with a big heart and bigger soul.

May 6 Why Georgia - John Mayer (1 week)

The first time in four releases from 2001's Room For Squares album that Mr Mayer has topped this listing, and perhaps with the weakest single yet.

May 13 Horizon Has Been Defeated - Jack Johnson (4 weeks)

Second topper in three singles for the Hawaii surf-rocker.

Jun 11 Calling All Angels - Train (6 weeks)

Their first topper on this listing.

Jul 30 Amsterdam - Guster (1 week)

Wouldn't mind hearing this...

Aug 6 Smoothie Song - Nickel Creek (1 week)

...nor this

Aug 13 Amsterdam - Guster (week 2)

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