1905 After nine weeks, we're down to the last four contestants. Host of the companion LITTLE BROTHER show Dermot O'Leary introduces the celebs and the families. Alex is being backed by Tara Palmer Twaddleface, Kate by Lauren Laverne, Jade by Graham Norton, Jonny by - well, I forget who backed Jonny. That'll be advantage Kate, then, being the only contestant to get a credible celeb endorsement. I wonder if some of the celebs want to gain kudos by ingratiating themselves with people who have been on television every day for the past nine weeks? After all, who *is* Tara Palmer Twaddleface and for what is she famed?
2030 Main show host "Earth Mother" Davina McCall is wearing a white suit, for the first time this year. Was she in white for last year's finale? I forget. Anyway, the crowd is stupendously noisy, enough for me to reach for the mute button during the commercials to give my ears a rest. We see a long recap of how to vote, and what happened at last night's dinner party.
2059 First out is Jade; the decision to keep her in back in week one was clearly correct, and there are tactical reasons why it was right for her to remain at Adele's expense three weeks ago. She's wearing a pink strapless dress, from which she nearly pops out. Takes absolutely ages to walk through the crowd. Folk are throwing boxers at her, fer cryin' out loud. Thankfully, the crowd is a finale crowd, and cheers her to the rafters. Blubbery when she meets mother and Norton. Then a clip of an endorsement by Johnny Depp reduces her to a gibbering wreck.
2112 Davina introduces clips that demolish the argument that Jade has been two faced. Was this a strategic editing move by the BB producers? Naah. Jade's "two faced" nature was entirely an invention of the tabloids, looking for some hook to hang their BB coverage. And it's the tabloids that know all about being two faced. What exactly *did* Jade do with PJ? Davina shows Jade a card indicating various bases. Find out in the Nudes After Ten.
2116 Unfortunately for the detailed coverage, mother picks exactly that moment to call me, meaning that I see little of the rest of the interview. Thanks, mother. I do get the clear impression that Jade has made the transition from villain of the peace, from perhaps being the most hated woman in Britain just three weeks ago, to being a sort of anti-hero. I'm impressed. I'm also impressed with the £72.50 profit from a £27.50 stake back in week one.
2131 A short intermission, while C4 shows a new episode of FRIENDS, and I go make a nice cold mug of squash.
2200 Then there were three. Who's next? Third place goes to ... Alex!!! Ooh! OoooOOooOOh! That is a shock. I really expected him to be in the final two. That said, I was slightly surprised Jonny didn't finish fourth.
2206 Dressed in red leather jacket, white tshirt, and *those* faded jeans, he's down the steps and out. A lot of low flying knickers. Might we warn Heathrow? 1.4 million of 7 million went to Jade, just under 2 million of 8 million to Alex. The bookies' favourite for most of the series finishes third. This strikes me as the biggest surprise since he somehow managed to evade the chop eight weeks ago.
2208 For my money, the best spinoff - and certainly the most familiar face - over the past two months has been Alex's parents. His father has the most amazing sticky-out teeth, and he looks a bit like the mayor of toytown or some other cartoon caricature; and his mother a polite, soft and utterly charming German accent.
2211 Alex says he's more grumpy than he thought he was, and likes his cleanliness. Davina introduces a clip of Alex rushing to the shower within 24 seconds of the hot water coming on. This interview is falling a bit flat, really. Quite frankly, are we interested in these sad losers? Probably not.
2216 Davina's showing clips of Alex's time with Adele, and his time with Kate. She also introduces the clip of Adele "fancying the arse" off Alex. That cost her her girlfriend. She might get a boyf out of this, though.
2218 And the inevitable Alex being tipsy clips. He knows he can't handle his drink, but still gets sozzled. Especially the infamous moment where he tries to balance on the top of the sofa, fails, and falls off the back. Then the Piece To Camera of Alex, shirt open, miming to "That's the way I like it." That was the mark of a winner, but it wasn't to be.
2220 Bit of a failure as an interview, all told, but a great reminder of the man who has both charmed and annoyed the hell out of us for the past nine weeks. Davina gives him the accordion he played to such effect two nights ago.
2222 There are 30 seconds of voting left. For Jonny to win, for Kate to win. Vote vote vote! That's it. Commercials.
2228 Davina introduces the other housemates. Lynne and Spencer. Sophie, Lee, and Adele. Sophie is told to stop looking so gorgeous. Alison and PJ. Tim and Jade, Tim allows Jade to take the stage. Sunita and (er) Sandy's puppet. They all join Alex on stage.
2230 BIG BROTHER house, this is Davina.
... going to be revealed sometime in the next hour. Perhaps. Jonny and Kate gaze deeply into each others' eyes. The tension is immense. 2.25 million votes went to the runner-up, 3 million to the winner. Hello.
Jonny and Kate, the phone lines are closed, the votes have been counted. The winner of BIG BROTHER 2002 is... Kate.
The two embrace in one of their tacklehugs and roll on the floor. Kate's in tears, of ecstacy, face down on the sofa. Davina advises her to put the kettle on, she's coming in for a chat, soon.
2233 Jonny's out, wearing a pinstriped white shirt and regulation jeans. The crowd is amazing. Fireman's hats and knickers are flying everywhere. The friends and family have made it one last time. The crowd loves him.
2235 And we're back on a break.
2239 Davina shows Dustin Hoffman doing an impression of Jonny. Then into clips of Jonny being the life and soul of the party.
2242 The moment that destroyed Jonny's confidence: Sandy's "I hate your guts" speech on the night before he hopped it. Apparently, Sandy tried to crush Jonny's hand. He's not turned up tonight. Davina points out that this sparked a wave of sympathy. If Sandy had turned up, he'd have told him to fuck off, you old Scottish bastard.
Maybe he should have said it at the time.
2245 Was Jonny a professional BB contestant? Perhaps - he was aware of the cameras, but no more than anyone else. The real Jonny is the class clown, and it takes a lot to shake him down. Sandy must totally have shaken him.
2247 A rather gratuitous montage of clips of Jonny's arse. Then the friends campaigning on his behalf.
2251 Jonny's defining moment. Yes! The Blue Blanket Monster Chocolate Raid! Then the rest of the best bits. For my money, the BBMCR is rivalled only by the sheer incongruity of Sandy legging it during a completely boring England match. The match was so dull I gave up and watched 20 minute delayed coverage. Glad I did.
2255 Davina leads Jonny to join the other twelve on the eye platform in front of the house. It's commercial time.
2259 Jade went to third base. Hand job. Bet they'll cut that out of the E4 repeat at 1400 tomorrow. Fourth base was blow job. Once or more often.
2301 Davina's in the house. Kate is wearing that lace top, the bra, the denim and lace skirt. Davina rubs it in that we have a female winner.
2302 Some celeb in a band really fancies Kate. She just *so* cannot believe this is happening. Neither can Davina. Who is that person? Turns out to be Duncan from bore band Blue. Wouldn't know him from Adam.
2304 So, what happened with Spanky? Yes, she fancied Spanky. In fact, she fancied just about everyone except Sandy. Cripes, the sound on this is low. Spencer looks appropriately embarrassed.
2306 Follow The Van. It's famous. What happens? The van goes somewhere, and you follow it
. Kiss where the van goes. I'm glad we've got this sorted out. Was it ever parked on Adele? No.
Then the headline: Adele - My Romp With Kate. And the mountain of blankets covering the three of them. Was there a kiss? Yes. With Adele. But nothing more.
2308 Discovering that there's a strange liquid in the bottom of a bin. Earlier that day, Sandy left a parting gift. Ew.
2310 The Kate Drunk clips. This interview might just be one of them. There is a totally surreal quality to it, as if it's so not happening. Kate's been drinking some pretty potent punch since about 1900, and Davina's turned down a cup, saying she can't drink on the job. And that moment falling over while putting the trews on.
2311 Here's your best bits.
Nope, we're not going to see them, they're not ready. We're going to commercial and then out.
2316 Back in the house, Davina has replacement sunglasses for the ones Kate broke a few weeks ago. And then she's out. Davina walking a respectful distance back, massive fireworks going off in the area. I've had "we have our winner" moments watching this lady for some weeks now, and she looks every inch Our Winner. Total and utter huge hugs from the family.
2318 The belated Best Moments clips.
2320 Favourite moment? Right now.
Fuck the money. Never mind the picture. We have a bloody worthy winner. This woman is going to be a huge star.
2323 More fireworks, the rest of the dozen are back on stage, led by Alison. Kate and Jonny do their strange dance. No lights out sequence this year - BBLB is back in the house Sunday.
2324 One last cheer, and it's goodnight!
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