Given the extreme volatility in exchange rates involving the USD this year, I would counsel keeping all rates in a different currency. EUR springs to mind, so half-a-million quid in mid-February translates to €729,000. Roughly.

AUD 800,000? That'll be €497,000, assuming the same date.

USD 468,000 in mid-March, that comes out at €389,000; a piffling €233,500 after discharging tax. Quarter of a million quid in January was €365,000.

Minor changes, but when one's dealing with large numbers, a small change can make a big difference.

Links of the day, then: We don't need no steenking religion say the young people. Research for the Church of England shows that people find meaning in the mundane things, and don't need to be scared by tales of the supernatural.

Drivers not to be told of speed checks, says West-mercia police. The force has twigged that telling drivers where the speed cameras are will only cause them to change their behaviour.

The winners of BRMB's "Two Strangers and a Wedding II" competition have split. Already. Even before the RAJAR listening figures for the stunt were published. Craig and Rebecca met just minutes before their arranged wedding in February, but went their ways over the week-end.

Also coming to an end, Burningburd as we know it. Thanks, Shelly. Thelly.

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posted 08 May 2006, 19.37 +0100

Overgrown Path has a pop at the safety-first approach taken to this year's Proms concerts. It's long been a bug-bear that the eight-week festival is particularly conservative in its choice of works, and this year's is worse than ever. On the other hand, part of the BBC's remit is to bring classical music to a wider audience, and a season of highly publicised, relatively attractive, concerts does just that. It's a stepping stone to greater works; there should, I suggest, be more material that Classic FM Wouldn't Touch in the schedule.

If you succumbed to the hype, and bought an early copy of How Opal Mehta got Kissed, got Wild, and got a Life, you have a small part of literary history. Kaavya Viswanathan's book will not be re-issued in a non-plagarised form, not after Sophie Kinsella found striking resemblences to her book, Can You Keep a Secret?. And to Meg Cabot's The Princess Diaries. And to Haroun and the Sea of Stories by Salman Rushdie, who is probably glad not to be the most wanted person in literarydom any more. The publisher - Little Brown - recalled unsold copies of the tome last week, and has confirmed that it won't be making a new issue.

The New Amsterdam Observer goes behind the scenes at Alloy Entertainment; one author is quoted, "They have writers who don’t exist, and they have writers who don’t really write the stuff, and they have one series supposedly by one author that are by many. There’s no one-to-one alignment between anything that gets produced and the producer. There’s no literary accountability."

Miriam Margoyles and Nigel Planer will join Idina Menzel and Adam Garcia in the London run of Wicked, beginning in September.

And finally, there's no accounting for education.

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posted 08 May 2006, 19.44 +0100

1. Middlesbrough, eh. Television income for Newcastle's six home games two seasons ago was a smidgeon over a million quid. Boro had seven homers, but a slightly worse set of matches (Stuttgart + Roma + Basel + Steaua < Basel + Mallorca + PSV + Marseille). Don't know if they pick up some dough from the away matches in the group phase, but I'd suggest 1.5 million for the small-box rights, a figure matched by the prize money (in lieu of broadcast rights) for the final. Gate receipts, let's put that at 2 million.

The second-degree effects are more difficult to quantify: there's a certain cachet in being the UEFA Cup holders, but it doesn't guarantee a shot at the European League, which would make it worth (at least) a million quid. The success has certainly put the team on the map as European Probables, thus attracting a better quality of player; and should lead to extra season tickets this summer.

All in all, I'd say that reaching the final is worth perhaps 8 million in extra income; winning the contest might only increase that to 10 million, of which £700,000 comes from additional prize money for winning the tournament. The winners also have a pop at the Super Cup in August, itself worth around a million quid.

One must counterbalance that against a lower domestic place; each place lost in Division I costs around half a million quid in lower merit payments. It's fair to argue that Boro's stupidly intense schedule after Christmas cost them half-a-dozen points, four places, and a couple of million. However, the team has raised its profile, and should pick up additional television fixtures in the new season, counterbalancing some of that loss. Boro also had success in the FA Cup - four highlights and three live matches, plus 5th round prize money, will net almost exactly a million quid.

Incidentally, we hear that Stuart Hall is giving his thoughts on Middlesbrough's appearance in to-morrow's UEFA Cup Final. You wouldn't get this sort of nonsense from us Peter Snow wannabes.

3. Good grief, that's what Mark Page is doing now. I remember when he was the Friday replacement for Steve Reich in the Afternoon. If only he were the regular replacement now...

4. Before Charlie The Safety Elephino started hogging the headlines, readers may recall a brew-ha-ha regarding political party funding. One half-baked idea goes as follows. Make voting compulsory, and fine those who do not vote a nominal amount (say, a tenner.) Deduct from this amount the cost of collecting the fines, perhaps 50%. The fivers from each authority are then divvied up between the candidates, in direct proportion to the votes cast. So, ferinstance, if turnout in Birmingham as a whole was 40%, then my vote on Thursday would have given the appropriate local party a £7.50 bounty. Useful.

There is, of course, a point at which it becomes profitable for individuals to run for office as independents, but it's high. The cap for expenses in my ward is somewhere around £1500, so it would take a couple of thousand votes to turn a profit, somewhat more than the winning candidate got.

I've previously argued for Honest RON to be a candidate at elections, which it would surely have to be for a mandatory vote, and a vote for Honest RON would attract no money for any party. Similarly, if there are re-runs caused by an Honest RON victory, one would only need to vote in the first election to be spared the fine.

5. Can anyone spot the logic gap here?

We do measure the number of "active" users per month. That's the number of accounts that have posted, commented, or interacted with the LJ application in some way (other than simply logging in to read journals). So if active users go down, there's a problem. We'll see our page views drop too if people become less "active" on the site. I hope that doesn't happen and while it's only been three weeks since we launched the level, early indications are that site activity is not declining.

For those of you who are a little hard of thinking: it's three weeks since Six Apart sold out, and the number of accounts inactive for four weeks hasn't increased. The amount of information imparted by these observations is even lower than Six Apart's business credibility. Come back in three weeks and we'll talk.

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posted 09 May 2006, 18.23 +0100

The annual Radio Academy awards have been dished out; as usual, they reward popular mediocrity above any actual achievement.

* Live Event Coverage Award - The Boat Race 2005
* Music Special Award - Lennon: The Wenner Tapes - BBC Radio 4

No gongs for the tiresome Live Eight coverage, mercifully.

* Music Programme Award - Mornings with Rick Shaw - Kerrang! 105.2 West Midlands

If this is the best music programme in the UK, I'm a monkey's uncle. The show is utter bilge, completely unlistenable rubbish, with nothing more novel than a time-check.

* Station Imaging Award - Kerrang! 105.2 West Midlands
* Specialist Music Programme Award - Zane Lowe - BBC Radio 1

Kerrang's imaging: "We're unlistenable manure, and we don't care." Zane Lowe, meanwhile, continues to clog up the nation's airwaves, fulfilling no purpose whatsoever. Other than to make emigrating to New Zealand an attractive proposition.

* Station Programmer of the Year - Richard Park - Magic 105.4
Cabbages all round, then.

* Competition Award - Xfm's Rock School - Xfm
Fair play, this is an imaginative piece of public service broadcasting.

* Speech Broadcaster of the Year - Eddie Mair - BBC Radio 4
Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

* Station of the Year: with a potential audience of 1 million plus - Kerrang! 105.2 West Midlands
Why is this bunch of tosspots winning so many gongs? The station is a complete waste of a frequency, it brings absolutely nothing new to the region's radio dial.

* Entertainment Award - Chris Moyles - BBC Radio 1
He's not entertaining...

* Music Broadcaster of the Year - Zane Lowe - BBC Radio 1
... he's not a broadcaster ...

* Music Radio Personality of the Year - Chris Evans - BBC Radio 2
... and he isn't so much a personality as a poisonality. Lauren Laverne is a worse listen than this? Nonsense.

There is a place for Moyles, it's called 4am. There is a place for Lowe, it's called his native New Zealand. And there is a place for Evans, it's called Bedlam.

* Digital Terrestrial Station of the Year - Planet Rock
* UK Station of the Year - Radio 1
* Gold Award - Terry Wogan
There is a little merit in giving Planet Rock a gong, but there's more merit in giving the nod to Cube. As a whole, Radio 1 is more coherent now than it's been since the days of Britpop, it's a major shame that they still employ the odious Moyles and Lowe. Wogan, we can hope, will take the hint and let someone less tedious host the breakfast show.

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posted 09 May 2006, 18.52 +0100

It's not every day that this website agrees with its MP, so let's cherish this moment. To-day's FT reports: Richard Burden, Labour MP for Birmingham Northfield and a former ministerial aide with a loyal voting record, disagreed with Mr Blair’s view that setting a timetable would cause paralysis in government. "It would actually help things," he said. "We need to review, we need to renew, there is a big problem with political parties' connection with the electorate...And the identity and style of the leader is part of that discussion."

Readers of a certain age will remember the glee and merriment with which we greeted every opinion poll during 1993 and 1994. "It's another opinion poll, Mr Major!" "It's another all-time low, Mr Major!"

If you have any supplies of such unrestrained merriment, prepare to use them now. Backing for Labour has tumbled by six points since early April to just 30 per cent, the party's worst performance in any survey since 1992. The Conservatives are up four points to 38 per cent, while the Liberal Democrats are down one point to 20 per cent. Psephologist Anthony Wells suggests a uniform national swing would have the Conservatives 22 short of an overall majority. My DAVIDBUTLER model assumes that 14% of non-Labour voters will vote tactically to remove them from office (the same figure as was observed in 2005), and puts the Conservatives just five adrift.

Mr Wells' site shows that the last poll to put the Tories as high was MORI/FT on 3 April last year (39%); it was immediately obvious that this was a rogue poll. YouGov/HoS on 8 May 04 gave the Tories 40%, but the party hasn't had an 8-point lead since 23 Sep 00, when an NOP/C4 poll split 40-32-22. This was the height of the petrol crisis, and had reverted to a 6-point Labour lead in NOP's next poll the following weekend.

One of the reasons why: Britain is one of the most loutish countries in Europe. And Gordon Brown was never popular and would lose a fair election.

And it gets worse. Blair is most unpopular Labour prime minister ever, says poll. Only 26% of voters are happy with his performance, below even Harold Wilson's post-devaluation low. It's still 2% more than voted Labour on Thursday, mind.

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posted 10 May 2006, 21.46 +0100

Two Government reports into last July's London bombings are out, and it really is very simple. There was nothing the security services could do, no evidence of any intelligence failures, and there was no link with the UK's foreign policy in general, or her illegal invasion of Iraq in particular. Nowt we could do, mate, very much so.

Over in the colonies, a similar line of enquiry has resolved that there was nothing illegal in the illegal wiretapping of people. The internal insecurity agency has decided not to give the law enforcement people authority to investigate, and they've concluded that there's nothing wrong at all.

Honestly, a bloke in a sheepskin jacket and clutching a lip-mike could do better. Case closed!

A good day to bury bad news? Not if you're one of the Chagos Islanders, thrown off your homeland in the 1960s so that the damned Yankees could build an air force base there. Now, the courts here have said that the UK government was wrong to forcibly clear the island, and they should be allowed to return at once, and damn the occupying forces. Antonia Zerbaisas, meanwhile, has seen the rush to war before.

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posted 11 May 2006, 20.08 +0100

One of m'learned friends asks about podcasts and other audio downloads. Much as amateurs try their hardest, I'm very much in favour of the professional touch, from proper broadcasters. Here are some of my favourites:

Deutsche Welle has some good work - Correspondents Report on the world news, Inspired Minds for cultural vultures, the hour-long Newslink Plus, the half-hour Inside Europe, a weekly Sports Report, and audio for those of us who are struggling to learn German.

The BBC's podcasts are (at least nominally) still on trial. Some of them - the best bits of Cliff Evans and Steve Reich, for instance - are zero-length files. Discovering Music is a beginner's guide to classical music. The Now Show is the pick of the topical comedy shows, there's a daily news highlight, the best of Simon Mayo, and, er, breakfast from Sussex.

Only last week, the CBC Podcast got a full launch. There's science, arts, the rather wonderful Outfront programme, an hour of new Cancon popular music, and pods from all the provinces, from the far east to the wild west.

From a land down under, ABC's speech station Radio National makes most of its original output available for download. My particular faves are Lingua Franca, Radio Eye, and the short Perspectives, but there's something here for every discerning listener.

Slightly bizarrely, I've a soft spot for the Financial Times' podcasts. They're in ludicrously high quality (44kbps stereo for speech is four times too much fidelity), terribly quiet, and update when the hell they like, but are commercial free, and the content is to the same high quality as the paper's journalism. Lucy Kellaway's commentary on business bullshit is acerbic, and the mob-handed Artscast is the best guide to the UK's performance culture I've yet found. The Torygraph is trying, and Het Grauniad is very trying, but the presence of in-pod advertisements reminds us that these are marketing opportunities first. And, at 30-minutes, they're too long for my liking.

Finally, Xfm podcasts. Tunes *and* comedy.

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posted 11 May 2006, 20.14 +0100

In another place, one of m'learned friends speaks of OFGUGS. It sets me thinking: what does that august body regulate? General Uselessness and Great Shittiness is one possibility, but that market's rather been cornered by Coctail-Sausage Prescott and Kiddyfiddler R. Kelly at the ODPM. Could OFGUGS be the Sound Effects Regulator, taking its name from the noise water makes when it goes down a plughole? Or is OFGUGS the Office for the Regulation of Crossword Clues, with an office that has recently added on a whole Sudoku Wing (in the shape of an X, naturally)? It takes its name from the well-known crossword clue GEGS (9,4), to which the answer is "scrambled eggs".

No, OFGUGS is, for obvious reasons, the Office for the Regulator of Comedic Jokes.

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posted 11 May 2006, 20.29 +0100

On this day in 1994, Labour leader John Smith died suddenly of a heart attack. The broadcast notes from that day's Newsnight convey the respect in which Mr Smith was held. Krishnan had already made sense of it all on Newsround. For viewers of, Reporting Scotland there was little other news. There was a small earthquake in Stratford-upon-Avon; not many dead (ie none). Being a Thursday, it's Question Muck day, and the panel in a subdued Inverness was future foreign minister Malcolm Rifkind, future head of NATO George Robertson, future Lib Dem leader Menzies Campbell, and present ad future SNP leader Alex Salmond.

The phone-in discussion on Good Morning with Anne and Nick, curtailed for a news report, was on the increasing number of women dying of heart disease. Jack Dee presented Top of the Pops featuring a performance by EYC and the number one from Stiltskin. In Eastenders, Grant was up for revenge, but that's not going to help anyone remember, is it.

But perhaps the eeriest coincidence was the Radio 4 Play that afternoon, by Ewart Hutton, and starring William Hope. Clifford thinks New Man is a bit of a wimp, and that what his employees need is a bit of male bonding round a campfire. That's I Can Feel Your Grief, Tony.

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posted 12 May 2006, 18.42 +0100

Will the right hon. Gentleman arrange for the Prime Minister to go on a course on personnel management to ensure that he does not make such a botch of his next reshuffle? The Minister for Europe, the right hon. Member for Ashfield (Mr. Hoon) was told that he was going to be Foreign Secretary for Europe and in the Cabinet, then he was in the Cabinet without a vote, and then he was told he was out of the Cabinet with a pay cut. The hospitals Minister resigned but the Prime Minister did not know about it. The Prime Minister appointed a new farms Minister but she did not know about it. She refused the job and someone else had to be called back from another job and made farms Minister. Does not this prove that the Government are in complete and utter chaos?

-- Theresa May

All-women shortlists: This and this do not square at all. Mr Hain said the apology was coming from him "as secretary of state for Wales, speaking for ... the government."

John Reid launched his career as the new Interior Minister yesterday, with the publication of the whitewash report into the London bombings last year. Let me leave aside the suspicion I've had since day one that there's something supicious here, something that doesn't add up about the official story. For the sake of argument, let us assume that the bombs were made and detonated by four youngsters from Leeds. In the Commons yesterday, Mr Reid stated,

Their motivation appears to have been a mixture of anger at perceived injustices by the west against Muslims and a desire for martyrdom... Khan is known to have made a number of trips to Pakistan, including one in July 2003 when he is believed to have had some relevant training...

The operation appears to have been self-financed and the cash raised by methods that would be extremely difficult to identify as related to terrorism or other serious criminality. Our best estimate is that the operation cost less than £8,000 overall...

I will be able to explain to [the bereaved] why I do not think a public inquiry would be the best step to take. Not least among the reasons is that such an inquiry would involve diverting very precious resources needed for the security and protection of everyone, at a critical time.

As Home Secretary, my principal duty is to protect the public. I am determined that we will learn the lessons... International terrorism will be beaten only by all of us in this country working together to defeat what is a threat to us all.

The dog that didn't bark in this inquiry? Iraq. Completely unmentioned. Why would someone take their first trip in July 2003? Is it possible that he had been outraged by a specific injustice against muslims - the UK government's actions over the previous few months, completely disregarding public opinion and international law, and invading a sovereign nation?

It is not clear what is meant by "relevant training". A step-by-step guide in how to make a bomb using two wet pieces of string and an oily rag? Advice on what sort of rag to use? Someone saying, "Yeah, that would be cool. Haven't a clue how you would do it, but it would be cool."

In order to learn the lessons, one must first hear them. In order to hear the lessons, it is necessary to have a fully and clearly independent review, with a brief to look at everything. The Interior Ministry's version of events fails the independence test; a committee of MPs was asked only to look at the intelligence situation. David Davis, the Conservative critic, says there needs to be a full independent inquiry. Nick Clegg, the Lib Dem critic, says there needs to be a full independent inquiry. Mr Reid, the latest illiberal bruiser to inhabit the Interior Ministry, says that the intelligence report was sufficient for anyone. Mr Reid claims,

"It would mean a reallocation of resources away from those needing protection at a critical time, when our security forces and security agencies are carrying out an absolutely essential job - the protection of people in this country - and in my judgment that diversion of resources would truly put others at risk"

This can only mean that the government is still under-funding the intelligence services. Or that holding the government to account is a threat to national security. I'm not sure which explanation they want to push, and I don't much care.

John Reid, haven't you resigned yet?

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posted 12 May 2006, 19.33 +0100

An update to the Middlesbrough Net Value article on Tuesday. Full prize money lists have emerged, covering league, cup, and European wonga, plus dosh for television. Arsenal top the league, scooping £52.7 million - there's another two million on the line in Wednesday's European League final. Chelsea has £47.5 million, Liverpool £43.2m, and the Manchester Buccaneers a piss-poor £39.8m.

The league's bottom side, Sunderland, still take £16.1 million. Middlesbrough finished six places higher, so would have earned around £19 million from league positions. Their final score is £24.3 million, indicating that the television receipts and prize money was worth around £5.5 million. Some of that will have come from the team's success in the FA Cup, and others from extra live television exposure. I estimated £3 million for television rights and prize money from the UEFA Cup run; the evidence suggests this might be a slight under-estimate, but it's no more than £5 million. I stand by my overall estimate of £8 million net value for Boro.

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posted 13 May 2006, 16.38 +0100

It is now over three weeks since I asked Six Apart the following:

In the privacy policy's new "Third Party Advertising" section, you state,

"LiveJournal does not share any personally identifiable information with advertisers... LiveJournal shares your voluntarily-provided public profile information (such as sex, age, location and interests)".

I am concerned that the combination of sex, age, location, interests, and other information may be sufficient to allow individuals or very small groups to be identified.

Could you please give details of the checks you have in place to ensure that this does not and cannot happen.

I would expect to receive sufficient information to code an independent review on this point, and would welcome details of any such independent review in the past few months.

The advertising company has failed to acknowledge my email, still less provide a substantive response. Bloody sell-outs.

In other corporate responsibility news, respected privacy advocate Lauren Weinstein has written an open letter to Google on privacy. My problems with Google are reasonably well-documented: the company treats all information about people as its private data, without right of review or removal. This is completely incompatible with the European view, that data about individuals remains the property of that individual. Secondary beefs - the company's nauseating arrogance, and the fact that it is based in a rogue and failed state - are more easily resolvable. It should be noted that Google is doing nothing at all to address these matters, and everything to entrench both problems.

In his proposal, Mr Weinstein states,

Google can demonstrate how world-class privacy protection policies and technologies can be developed and deployed in ways that enhance user confidence in current and future Google services -- by proactively protecting users' private data without interfering with service operations, innovation, R&D, or the legitimate concerns of law enforcement.

Of course, it doesn't offer any of these now. There's no evidence that it would, and every suggestion that it's going to go further down the road of corporate irresponsibility.

Let's make no bones about it - my bottom line is that companies must act in a manner consistent with the EU's data protection principles - at least in spirit, if not to the letter. Such changes - Google respecting the rights of people who don't want to be part of its information behemoth, Six Apart acknowledging that it has a duty to provide technical solutions to the problems it has created - are a necessary, but not a sufficient, condition for my continued patronage.

Until then, I shall continue diverting all traffic from Google to a holding page, and I shall encourage those people still using Six Apart's products to make use of alternative facilities.

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posted 13 May 2006, 16.50 +0100

Once more into the breach, with the quarterly report from RAJAR giving the listening figures for the three months to last March. The cited figures are for reach (listeners per week - millions for national stations, percentage for locals) and average hours per person per week. The figures are on a weighted average over the past six ratings periods, going back to the last quarter of 2004. The analysis from three months ago is still around.

National stations

Radio 2 remains the nation's favourite for the third complete year, with 13.2 million listeners, and 3h28 per head. Radio 1 is below the 10 million landmark this quarter, but firmly above eight figures on average - 10.1m / 1h56. Radio 4 is remarkably stable at 9.4m / 2h29.

Radio 5 is back up above 6 million, and remains tantalisingly short of an hour per person per week - 6.01m / 0h58. Classic FM is now behind by reach as well as share, and has dropped below 6 million for the first time in some years - the average is 5.95m / 0h55.

Kiss remains the unsung national success story, still the second biggest commercial radio station in the UK at 2.32m / 0h14, in spite of a poor quarter. Self-proclaimed number one Talkshit (2.14m / 0h23) remains mired in third place.

Radio 3 is gaining ground, 2.03m / 0h16 shows that listeners are tuning in for longer - must be the diet of Shostakovitch. Virgin continues to lose listeners - at 10,000 a quarter, that's roughly the mortality rate amongst them - now down to 1.79m / 0h13. World Service (1.25m / 0h08) is also down.

Apparent winner of the quarter was Xfm; rebranding Beat 106 as Xfm Scotland contributes a windfall 350,000 listeners; these will come into the annual rolling average over the next four quarters, so 761,000 / 0h06 represents slight progress. BBC-7 did very well, adding 10% more listeners (562,000 / 0h03) while the Asian Network is treading water ahead of a planned relaunch (459,000 / 0h03).

Of the digital-only stations, Planet Rock enjoyed a great quarter, as they seem to do each winter (353,000 / 0h02) is up 50,000 on last time. 6 Music's increase of 19,000 will be pleasing (310,000 / 0h02). Primetime (171,000 / 0h02) is making its last appearance, the station closes to-night, but gained listeners who heard the same three weeks' programmes since December. Oneword (126,000 / 0h01) is up 4000 listeners, a slow return for a station that could be doing so much more. Core (106,000 / 0h01) returned to the mean after a strong autumn. Life (80,000 / 0h01) is making slow progress, but is being caught by The Arrow (72,000 / 0h01). Cube (49,000 / 0h00) continues to prop up the category.

BBC local radio

Losses all round for radio in the Midlands, particularly outside Birmingham, and particularly amongst stations targetting the elderly - the quarterly samples are run on 10,000 diaries per week across the whole UK, with response rates of perhaps 40%. A small number of conscientious responders can make a large difference. Such is the problem with the current RAJAR system. Most stations are down somewhat on hours, but not much changed on reach.

Shropshire (29% / 3h30) is down 5 minutes, Hereford & Worcester (24%, 2h34) loses two, and Leicester (22%, 2h26) is also down five minutes. Oxford (17%, 1h41) is the biggest loser, eight minutes down, no thanks to Anne Diamond's prolonged absence from breakfast. Gloucestershire (16%, 1h56) is improving by the quarter, and must be one to watch at next year's Radio Awards. WM (15%, 1h40) is still adjusting to the loss of Coventry and Warwickshire (15%, 1h33), but there's no reason why the latter station is nine minutes down. Analogue Asian Network (4%, 0h17) has had a disastrous quarter, losing almost a quarter of the audience. Such are the problems of small samples.

Commercial local radio

Starting with the regionals, and Heart 100.7 (25%, 2h08) is holding static, still down from its 2004 score before repositioning to the twentysomethings. Saga West Mids (12%, 1h24) is also down slightly, but Kerrang (9%, 0h39) notches up another all-time best; it's still not made 10% reach in any survey, and we understand that to be the long-term target. In the East Mids, Heart 106 (16%, 1h30) is recovering from the re-launch from Century last summer, but again Saga East Mids (12%, 1h25) loses a little - again, we must raise an eyebrow at the research.

Of the heritage ILRs, Fox (32%, 3h14) is still a mile ahead of all competition in Oxfordshire, in spite of losing 2% reach. Mercia (28%, 2h03) sees its second poor result, and is down 2% and 10 minutes. BRMB (26%, 2h04) has perhaps reached its peak, not helped by the addition of extra networked programming. Wyvern (25%, 2h03) notches up a second straight disaster, it's gone from 120,000 to 90,000 listeners in just six months, and has lost half its listening hours. Trouble in store. Beacon (20%, 1h49) shares the across-the-board contraction in the region.

Though off its recent highs, the leading incremental FM station is still Rugby (41%, 4h07). Centre (20%, 1h47) is down again, losing 13 minutes, Fosseway (18%, 1h38) gains listeners while losing hours, Galaxy (17%, 1h23) and The Wolf (15%, 1h03) hold steady. Kix 96 (20%, 1h07) and The Bear (25%. 2h41) suffered a pointless re-naming in January, Kix loses 2% and 7 minutes, the Bear loses 4 minutes.

Finally, the AM services. Mercia-AM (6%, 0h32) and Xtra-AM (3%, 0h17) are both roughly static. WABC (3%, 0h18) has had a very good quarter, but this isn't reflected in the rolling average.

There are no RAJAR returns for Muff Murfin's stations Sunshine or Classic Gold Wyvern, for Radio XL, or for The Wyre.

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posted 14 May 2006, 15.27 +0100

Afternoon all, and welcome to live* coverage of last Thursday's Question Muck, coming live* from London. Again. We should be in Belfast, but there's a traditional prohibition on snakes there, which would have reduced the panel to three. Let's meet the teams.

Playing on the far-right is Hazel Blears, making her fourth appearance on QM, and her first since December 2004. By appearing on a four-person panel, Blears is guaranteed a personal best performance. Michael Heseltine, by contrast, is an absolute veteran; he made his debut on the third ever programme in 1979, and (unless Teddy Taylor is planning a comeback tour) is the longest-serving panellist. To-night's is his 26th appearance, only his third this century. Hezza is playing on the inside-right position, when he's not swinging down from the trees.

Like he did in his sporting career, Ming Campbell has come from behind - he notched up his Silver Jubilee on 19 January this year, and popped into the LD Leader debate in Harlow three weeks later. He's on his third appearance this year, and 27th in total. Ming is on the inside-left, he is the embattled leader of the Lib Dems. Finally, Piers Morgan is making his ninth turn round, and was last with us just before Christmas. Moron is the far-left player. And I can see David Bumblebee leaping over the giant question mark in the middle of the floor, and shouting:

Question One! Blair has made his cabinet ministers pay for mistakes they have made. What makes him so invincible or unwilling to pay for his mistakes?

Hezza says that Blair is finished. Done. Going to be gone within fifteen months. Blearyeyed claims that her leader has been successful, and tries to divert the question. Moron compares Blair to Basil Fawlty asking if he's the only sane person left. Ming suggests 1/5/07. Bleeyuch is smirking, prissily sniffing the air, and staring out the Bungalowheads. She also claims that the LDs lost seats in Newcastle. One of them says that an awful lot of Labour activists are disaffected; the party chairtwit offers platitudes and tells the (ex-)member that the public still loves Tone. She also claims that Charlie the Elephant wanted to go; Hezza says she isn't. Another BH calls for change and calls Blarg blind; she shakes her head. One says that Straw disagreed with X; Blarg shakes her head. Shall we move on before it falls off?

Is it right that a man past retirement age with a title but no job should continue to enjoy two free houses, £133,000 salary and a couple of Jags?

Ming reckons that if he had gone from the ODPM, it would have triggered an election for the deputy leadership of Labour. Hezza is told that Cocktail Sausages says he only worked two hours a week - that's two hours more than he works. He's still got the old magic! Bint says that Prezza will chair some complex cabinet committees - what, the ones trying to organise a piss-up outside a brewery? Bumblebee gives her a yellow card. Moron doesn't expect this kind of thing from the Token Socialist. Could have done a bit more on this one.

Does the lack of any clear Tory identity or policies mean that a Labour government will be in power beyond the next general election?

Hezza says that DC has got people to listen to him, and to trust him; then come the candidates, and the policies will arrive in time. The BH disagrees. Ming says that DC is not a threat to the LDs; no, that'll be the bloke to Bumblebee's left. Moron is worried; he agrees with David about children wearing sexual t-shirts. Cameron could be a contender, reckons Moron; please let Adam Rickitt wear the lycra outfits. Bleeurgh says nothing of import.

The wrong intelligence led to the Iraq war and intelligence services sadly failed on 7/7. What is the answer?

A full public inquiry, or raft of inquiries, says Ming. Bleat goes down hypothetical avenue, and pins the blame on the intelligence services. Cherish this moment, it is the first time of the night that she may actually be talking some sense, and is (as one BH will point out) the best reason why government should not be allowed to regulate itself. Another BH reminds us of the expert opinion: invading Iraq will lead to people dying; why didn't they listen to the experts? The BH teams up with Moron on Iraq; Bleurgh says that she doesn't believe a word of it. Another BH explodes, saying that she legalised terrorism. Hezza asks a direct question: did MI5 ask for more resource; did the Interior Ministry ask if more was needed? After waffling forever, Blaart says that yes, more resource was asked for, and more resource was found. Yet the report says that more resource was needed. Hezza reminds us that this was happening when he was in the Defence department in the mid-80s. Ming reminds us who was the minister for Muslim Integration in 2001 - a H. Bleeeeeurgh.

All this emerged before to-day's revelations that MI5 had the man; MI5 lost the man.

Is the hijacking of planes a legitimate means of gaining permanent status in the UK?

Moron gives a definitive no. Hezza says no, but wonders what we would have said if they were Ruskies circa 1970? Bleary reckons the balance is wrong, and says it's the wrong decision. Ming says no, human rights are indivisible, and they're entitled to a proper hearing.

Model answers this week: 1. He is a fighter and not a quitter. 2. Ask the Duck of Edinburgh. 3. The government is in office, but not in power. 4. Get a better Interior Minister. 5. Which is the lesser of two evils: diverting a plane in this manner, or the Afghan regime from which they were escaping?

Here's the official, moderated, reaction thread.

Some scores? Tight at the top; we're going to give the win to Hezza, partly for equivocating on the last question, but mostly for the two hours crack. Moron was good value but blotted his copy-book late on, Ming is perhaps too familiar here, and Bleeeeurgh remains an arrogant little shit.

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posted 14 May 2006, 16.03 +0100

All change! In Germany, Pop Idle runner-up Mike Leon Grosch has the new number one, Don't let it get you down, a dull slow song. In France, Shakira's Hips don't lie rules the roost, ahead of Pakito's bizarre cover of Trans X's mid-80s classic* Living on video. Les Enfoires crash into the list at number 4, I know nothing about these people. In Denmark, the Red Hot Chili Peppers briefly interrupt Trine Dyrholm's permanent residence at the top. Sel rules the roost in Lithuania, Dons in Latvia.

North Europe's Top Twenty

 20 18 Rosenstolz - Ich bin ich (wir sind wir)
*19 NE Beatfreaks - Somebody's watching me
 18 17 Depeche Mode - Suffer well
 17  7 Zucchero - Baila marena
*16 NE Snow Patrol - You're all I have
 15 14 Diams - La boulette
*14 NE Gnarls Barkley - Crazy
 13 11 Zutons - Why won't you give me your love
 12 10 Pigloo - Le papa pingouin
*11 19 Bob Sinclar - World hold on
 10  9 Dirty Pretty Things - Bang bang you're dead
  9  4 Rhianna - SOS
  8 16 Najoya Bejel - Gabriel
  7  1 Orson - No tomorrow
  6 13 Corinne Bailey Rae - Put your records on
  5  6 Juanes - La camisa negra
* 4  8 Mary J Blige / U2 - One
  3  3 Kelly Clarkson - Because of you
* 2 NE Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani california
* 1  2 Shakira - Hips don't lie

Berk, berk, berk. But enough about Radio 1's chart show, the Berkley is the best-selling single for a seventh week. Why? LL Cool J gets a proper release and climbs to 2; again, why? Infernal moves past the Beatfreaks to 3. Highest New Entry honours go to the Pet Shop Boys, I'm with stupid extends their run of top ten hits to twenty years by landing at 8. Daz Sampson's Teenage life is in at 13, tying with Jemini as the most successful Eurovision entry of recent years. Boy Kill Boy's Suzie is also into the top 20, with Upper Room's Black and white just missing. It's not a cover of the Kiddyfiddler Jackson song, which is probably good news.

Orson's newie Bright idea is in at 28 on downloads, while at number 35 is the Delays' Hideaway; it's not a cover of the 1995 smash for the similarly-named DeLacy. Graham Coxon just makes the 40, but the Beautiful South and Starsailor both miss. So does Sunblock's re-make of First time with vocals by Robin Beck - some viewers will remember it from a soft drink commercial in the late 80s. It's an achievement for Imogen Heap to place in the top 75.

Albums: the Pepper's pisspoor Shytium Alrightium is boring the pants off us at the top spot; Snow Patrol are at 2, the Dirty Pretty Things' Waterloo to Anywhere is at number 3. Good climbs for Panic at the Disco and the odious Hayley Westernara. John Fogerty is in at 32, Scott Walker's huge promo push (interviews in the Financial Times, fer cryin' out loud) stalls at 51 because it's crap.

Here's the good stuff on the singles listing:

 4  3 Beatfreaks - Somebody's watching me
 8 NE Pet Shop Boys - I'm with stupid
10 11 Kooks - Naive
11  6 Raconteurs - Steady as she goes
12 10 Snow Patrol - You're all I have
13 NE Daz Sampson - Teenage life
14  8 Dirty Pretty Things - Bang bang you're dead
17 NE Boy Kill Boy - Suzie
19 18 Fall Out Boy - Dance dance
22 NE Upper Room - Black and white
25 17 Orson - No tomorrow
26 24 Sigur Ros - Hoppipolla
28 NE Orson - Bright idea
29 25 Corinne Bailey Rae - Put your records on
33 21 We Are Scientists - Nobody move nobody get hurt
35 NE Delays - Hideaway
36 28 Pink - Stupid girls
37 23 Panic At The Disco - But it's better if you do
39 NE Graham Coxon - You and I
41 NE Beautiful South - Manchester
46 61 Jose Gonzalez - Heartbeats
47 NE Starsailor - Keep us together
48 NE Sunblock / Robin Beck - First time
52 43 Beverley Knight - Piece of my heart
54 39 Embrace - Nature's law
56 NE Imogen Heap - Goodnight and go
58 53 Fall Out Boy - Sugar we're going down
59 56 Source - You got the love
63 44 Zutons - Why won't you give me your love?
65 34 Captain - Broke
67 55 Sugababes - Red dress

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posted 14 May 2006, 19.33 +0100

Another warm spell arrived late in the week, with the first appearances by thunderbugs and thunderstorms. Again, the week-end was a bit rubbish by comparison.

08 Mo rain                10/13,17.5
09 Tu mist to sun         10/18, 1.0
10 We sun / haze           8/22
11 Th sun to cloud         7/23
12 Fr sun, showers o/n    10/23, 5.5
13 Sa cloud, showers      11/15, 5.5
14 Su cloud                9/16, 2.5

We may as well wrap up the degree heating index at 806. The degree cooling days advance by 8 to 14, compared to 3/237 at this stage last year.

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posted 14 May 2006, 19.45 +0100

older writing... write to