The F Word looks at women's magazines, and comes to the conclusion that they're not actually about celebrities (or fashion or food) but about constraining women into a narrow model of femininity predicated upon some of the worst excesses of sexism of the last century. According to these rags, the only way to happiness is being married, thin, and with child.

Turning the page, we find Laurie Penny addressing the woman game, because playing the woman game, the game of artifice and self-annihilation, is serious business. Almost inevitably, there's a Metafilter thread, which quickly gets derailed into a discussion of the author and not her points. One snarker summarises it as:
Metafilter: Wise, Sagacious Elders to patronise and then diagnose the symptoms of superficial minds.

From the ABC, a discussion on fan fiction with particular reference to Harry Potter and Twiglet.

James Masterton associates monarchial jubilees with a particular record, and asks the question, Who gives a flying fuck about God save the queen? The simple fact is that Rod Stewart outsold the Sex Pistols by a comfortable and unhypable margin, and the subsequent myth was put about by Malcolm McLaren for the benefit of his and the band's publicity.

As a pertinent footnote, this year's re-release of God save the Sex Pistols' bank balance reached number 80, making it less popular than the Eurovision entry from Cyprus, and about a third as popular as a random Justin Bieber track.

Over the water, The Mire reports that most catholics get their spiritual guidance from Father Ted, a series of fly-on-the-wall documentaries originally filmed in the mid-90s.

Clowns at Londinium MMXII

Lucan Harriers runners Edward and John Grimes (20) issued an apology this week. Critics had said the duo had debased themselves after getting involved with the plan of HRH Sir Seb Slow (Henry Kelly) for world domination. Said Edward (or was it John), "We were, like, joggin' down the street." Then John (unless it was Edward) interrupted to add, "And this old lady, like she must have been fifty or something, she gave us this metal cone thing."

The young men continued, "Cone thing. Like our hair! With a flame at the top! Like, OMG!" "So we carry on joggin', holdin' this burnin' thing." "And a bit later, someone comes along and is, like, like 'I'll have that, thanks lads'." "But yeah. We'd like to apologise to all our fans" "All of yous." "We've let yous all down, gettin' involved with something as tacky and not nice as that." "Yeah, like, sorry, like."

The runners concluded, "I'm John." "And I'm Edward." "And we're .. really sorry."

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Eight years ago today, Kerrang! Radio burst into life. It was the third and final analogue station for the west midlands, broadcasting on 105.2 MHz. The station was originally licensed for eight years, it secured immediate and automatic license renewal through being broadcast on DAB in the region. Here's the story of Kerrang's first license: the beginning, the planned re-launch, the unplanned re-launch, and the outstanding problems of new acts and digital bitrates.

(More: Happy bloody birthday, Kerrang radio. Eight years older, and still no wiser. Eight years of corporate priorities. Eight years of sounding like a chewed-up cassette tape.) We remember Gordon Loncaster and Lucio, why Tim Shaw had to leave, and explain why Luke Wilkins was sacrificed for the good of Kerrang's business model.

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It looks like the BBC sent out their Lifestyle team for Sunday's Big Splash (Sir Matt Baker and Baroness Sophie Raworth leading the charge, with folk like Sonali Shah, Angellica Bell, Chris Hollins, and the delightful Fearne Cotton), saving the Brownnose Brigade (Huw Edwards, Simon Suspiciouslyracist) for Tuesday's pageant of obsequeiousness. The Sunday presenters made the best attempt to jolly up an increasingly obvious washout, in a way that the Brownnosers could never attempt.

OK, so the presentation wasn't perfect. We might like to have seen Tower Bridge raise to its full extent, but we saw the main lift done in 90 seconds. The camera angles were predictable, but so is everything else British television does. Perhaps the biggest error was not talking much about the individual boats, though after half-a-dozen of those they do get a bit samey.

Tuesday was just vomit-inducing obsequiousness. We ended up watching most of the show on ITV, where Schofield, Julie Etchingham, and co captured the celebration. Even if they had the obnoxious David Starkstaringmad on the panel, they had Mark Austin getting lost in the crowd. Sending Alistair Stewart out with a microphone that packed up after five seconds was a stroke of genius.

Here's a bullet, dodged. Sunday, ITV has coverage of the French Open tennis. Begins at 2pm our time, and on previous form it's likely to run on for about three hours, probably a bit longer. ITV also has coverage of Euro '12, which begins at 5pm. Now suppose Andy Murray had made the final, rather than crashing out yesterday, and takes Novak Djokovic to five sets. Obviously it's the biggest sporting event of the weekend. But ITV is obliged to take Euro '12 in full on its terrestrial channel, and can't shuffle it off to ITV4 - they tried that with a match in the 2002 World Cup, and got their wrists slapped. So, match point, and - click! - ITV suddenly starts showing Spain v Italy.

On this week's Blue Peter

Saturday Live from Belfast / Report: Dempsey / Guest - Nicky Byrne, Westside / Stuart Pearce talks football / History - LA 84, Budd and Decker / Rav Wilding on assault course / Barney at ******* village / Nicky - test strength, 100 / Dan Walker - penalties from City of Manchester stadium, Jonathan Pearce commentates / Plug for Thursday and next week.

Thursday Will and Billy from Sadie J as football pundits / Helen and Barney in Warsaw, rebuilding, food, shopping, cooking / Live link-up with Jake Humphrey in Warsaw / ******* challenge highlights / F2 - football freestyle performance / Interactive: football or *******? Strong show throughout.

On this week's Top of the Pops

No Pops this week, but here's a list of songs performed on Top of the Pops before 1979 that didn't go on to become actual hits.

Next week's highlights

• Election '87 (Parliament, 10am Sat) Another chance to see Peter Snow's sit-down clapperboard. (SPOILER: Mrs. Thatcher wins.)
• Jools Holland: London Calling (BBC2, 9pm Sat) The musical sound of the city.
• Dispatches (C4, 8pm Mon) Murdoch, Cameron, and the £8 Milliard Deal.

The Spanish government appealed for additional international funding, after it had to recapitalise many of its banks. After some consideration, Spain was allowed to appeal to the European stability funds for this purpose.

Manchester Airport ran out of fuel, after concerns were raised about the quality of kerosene being provided. Apparently, it was too good for planes, and would need to be made more dirty.

Another massacre of civilians took place in Syria; again, the United Nations rushed to blame the Syrian government even before independent inspectors had verified the facts.

The Greek election campaign (version 2.0) was enlivened by a good old-fashioned brawl. Ilias Kasidiaris of the racist Golden Dawn party chucked a glass of water at Rena Dourou (Syriza), and then aimed a punch at Liana Kanelli (Communist). Mr. Kasidiaris is due in court next Monday, charged with an armed robbery. The election (v 2.0) takes place on Sunday next week, the winner will meet Paccy Maniao in the world title match.

Over in Ireland, it's business as usual, with Mick Wallace (Ind, Wexford) admitting that he hadn't paid enough tax before entering the Dáil. And speaking of tax-dodgers, it was reported that British-born pop stars Cheryl Cole, Olly Murs, and The JLS have all moved their companies to Ireland in an effort to avoid the UK's punitive 25% corporate tax.

Obituaries were published for Ray Bradbury, science-fiction writer.

Westminster (30MAR): C 305, Lab 250, LD 57, DUP 8, SNP 6, SF 5, SDLP 3, PC 3, Ind Lab 3, APNI 1, Ind UU 1, G 1, RESPECT 1, Spkrs 4. C + LD majority 80 (effectively 85).

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• Euro-later: the Song Contest, someone else's 2.8 Hours Later, and interactive theatre.

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There was much talk about the "summer monsoon" this week. It's a loosely-defined phenomenon, mostly bringing wet and windy weather during the first half of June. It doesn't arrive every year, but this is the third time in five years the UK has observed the event, with a vigorous depression moving across southern England between Thursday and Saturday. Further rain will affect southern areas during Monday, after which it'll either be wet or cold, or quite possibly both, so do wrap up.

04 Mo sunny ints          6/15, 1.5
05 Tu cloud, rain pm      6/13, 3.0
06 We sun, thunder shwrs 11/18, 6.5
07 Th rain                8/14,10.5
08 Fr showers            11/13,10.0
09 Sa cloud to sun       10/15, 0.5
10 Su sun to cloud        3/18

Rainfall in June: 64.5mm; monthly average: 50mm

Degree cooling days: 39
2011: 27/190
2010: 28/135
2009: 14/79
2008: 31/114
2007: 25/91
2006: 49/360
2005: 13/238
2004: 36/198
2003: 29/328

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