Martin Belam suggests different ways of compiling the singlestracks chart, and proposes an Attention Chart. In theory, it's possible to measure every time someone chooses to hear a song on their MP3 player / computer / CD player / tape deck / eight-track, and to include this information with sales data, and with data related to non-chosen airings (television and radio).

Being entirely sad gits, we've been keeping this sort of information manually since the late 90s, and have full records since 2005. Here, for instance, is our Most Heard Ten for February:

01 broken strings - james morrison
02 the fear - lily allen
02 just dance - lady gaga
02 issues - the saturdays
05 sober - pink
06 let it rock - kevin rudolf
06 i'm yours - jason mraz
08 time to pretend - mgmt
09 gives you hell - all-american rejects
10 you found me - fray
10 ulysees - franz ferdinand
10 poker face - lady gaga

Yes, twelve records in the top ten, we're clearly giving ideas to the Bundesliga... The point is that we can do this, and more automated systems allow for such enjoyment to be counted on a wide scale. The interest lies in the long tail: level on two plays are Bleeding love, Grace Kelly, Skazhi ne molchi, and Never met a nice South African. If there are enough fans of Russian girl groups, or B-sides to 1986 comedy number one singles, it would be nice to think they could get some recognition.

There's an interesting parallel to the North American market; when they started counting all sales in the early 90s, they suddenly found that country albums were really really popular, far more popular than had been apparent previously. Would we find that Depeche Mode fans like Mr. Belam played their downloads more often than fans of disposible pop acts like One True Voice?

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Best of the Web nomination: Along the path of the Berlin Wall by Nicholas Whyte.

Flying the flag in Brussels. Except it's the wrong flag.

We really don't know why Polly Toynbee. Really, we don't know why Polly Toynbee. Last week-end's column presumes that Labour is fit for office at the next election, when it's clear they were unfit for office last time. Keeping the Tories out is the priority she claims. Wrongly: doing what's right is the priority. Forcing a position where no one party can command an overall majority - as has happened twice in Canada - will help bring about electoral reform far faster than yet another shit-scared Labour government. We're still waiting for the referendum on electoral reform that ancien prime minister Mister Blair promised for 1999: why should we believe his useless successor now?

Virgin on the useless

A hagiography of Lute 1215 in the Indytab reminds us of the day in November we spent listening to that programme. It's enough to put us off for life.

The station claimed a no repeat policy, but repeated everything so often. Incessant plugs for the 0898 Call and Lose contest. The same three trailers for the breakfast show over and over again. The same bloody commercials over and over and over again. They played something like five records between 8.30 and 10am; after that, they didn't manage to string two interesting records together in the six hours before we gave up. Mr. O'Connell is quoted as saying, There were a lot of people that drifted off from Virgin Radio because they got fed up with the monotonous, repetitive music from quite a bland music station. They won't - we won't - be tuning back to the monotonous, repetitive, and thoroughly tedious Lute 1215 in a hurry.

Sell outs

Het Grauniad has made a big thing out of publishing various chunks of data on its website. Except that Het Graun has not made data free at all. It's published the information via G****e's nonsense. This is not publishing the data. It's redirecting people to a bunch of lying, conniving, cheating bastards who would feed their grannies to the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal if it earned them two triganic ningi.

None of the data published by Het Grauniad is original. All of it is available elsewhere. More importantly, all of it is available elsewhere without selling one's soul to a bunch of lying, conniving, cheating bastards who would feed their grannies to the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal if it earned them one triganic ningi. Het Grauniad really should learn to do better.

Mmm, 'bye then

I HAVE decided to step down as manager of the Cork senior hurling team, effective immediately. So wrote Gerald McCarthy on Tuesday night, bringing the five-month stand-off to an end. The direct cause was a threat against Mr. McCarthy's life, but it was clear that he no longer enjoyed the support of the rest of Cork's clubs, or the other members of the panel. Typically, he left claiming that he was doing more good than harm; by squeezing out the county's best players, and faced by two mass demonstrations on the streets of the city, this was obvious bunk. Cork currently stand bottom of Division I of the NHL, but have played Tipp and the Dubs, and the next match is against fellow nul-pointers Clare (22 March). More from the Indotab: dates in the stand-off

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Coming over the back of the sofa are our hosts, Dick and Dom, ready to shout

Does every band ever created play Mustang Sally when they play in a bar, or is that just in the south? It's mood music, played by bands that want to make us think they're from the semi-tropical parts of the North American continent. While we're on the subject, is there an interpretation of the phrase Ride, Sally, ride other than sex?

What is it about Tw*tter? People who give the minutiae of their life, but leave the reader to fill in the overarching narrative. We think that's a bit lazy, as one should be encouraged to develop critical thinking skills. Without them, we'd never have been able to see the concealed plots, or get a sixth sense suggesting that some things are going to be important.

If you had to make an assumption, would you assume your articulate and considerate online friends were white or black? To be honest? Neither. The assumption behind the question is that people are always assumed to be defined by their outward appearance. We take people by what they type, by what they do, and go on from there. On the interwebs, everyone is defined by their keystrokes.

Why would you opt out when someone is offering really targeted advertising? Because you're not comfortable with third parties keeping tabs on where you're going. Or you find the targetting to be incorrect. Or the commercials to be particularly annoying. Or the concept of advertising to be evil incarnate, and those who sell advertising to be whores and charlatans. We'll opt out of seeing advertisements entirely, thank you very much.

While passing through several doors, someone holds them open for you each time. Does it not feel slightly silly to acknowledge at each one? Yes, it does. We go with "Thank you", "thanks", a mumble, and ending with "Thank you very much indeed" at the final door.

Arrest in Mandelson Custard Probe No, that's just silly.

Do you have a spoof news story to pad this out to a respectable length? Yes.

British Jobs for British Workers

Novo Castrum, VII Kalends Sept. AUC DCCCLXXVI

Tribe unions have blasted plans to import workers for a massive building project. Chief Cupoftee, leader of the Yerksier tribe, says that there's no need to bring workers from Perugia and Cambria when the labourers of Durham are up to the job. The imported workers will live in special camps away from the local society.

The wall, constructed on the orders of Emperor Hadrian, will stretch LXX miles from Carlisle to the north bank of the Tyne, following the route of the A-LXVIII. Local governor Antonius Blairus put the contract out to competitive tender, and winning privateers Allrodes said they would bring their own workforce, using freedom-of-movement rules in the Treaty of Roman Empire.

Leader of the Caledonii, Gordon Woad, supported the protest, repeating his call of Caledonian jobs for Caledonian workers, adding that the wall was only intended to deny his clan open access to the Roman Empire Community.

On Other Pages:

• Engraving of Samantha Vulpes: III
• Sooth! Bill Deedes Interviews a Fortune-Teller: IV
• Unfunny Cartoon by Iac: XVIII
• William Stewart Admires the Parthenon Marbles: XXIX
• David Beckvir Transfers to AC Mediolanum: XXXVI
• Sudoku, Crossword: XLII

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(The most convoluted and obscure headline ever? Very possibly. TMWE 4:10.)

After Ellen published a follow-up article: on one hand, yes, on the other hand, no. The Livejournal commentary is far superior.

We're not going to give a particularly positive review, others were more impressed with this episode.

• Eee, this would be the almost pointless episode, then.
• Katie decides to hold a party in the woods. As one does.
• Effy's the only person who can drive, but Cook's not invited.
• Everyone else is.
• There's a run-in with some men with guns when the group (inevitably) gets lost on the way.
• Effy finds some mind-altering mushrooms, hallucinates, and ends up smashing Katie over the head with a rock. As one does
• Mrs. Effysmother pretends not to listen to her daughter's woes after breaking up with Cook, but she heard enough to know they've split.
• And to accept a gateau.
• We thought, for a few moments, that Cook would end up doing a David Baddiel. Ew.
• On the upside, Thomas and Freddie had it out with Cook, and JJ put in his word.
• On the downside, that photography was to the lossing, like The Which Blair Project without any of the menace.
• Effy lying in the leaves? That worked; the sparklers and moon would have succeeded if they hadn't been cliche.
• The poachers? Also for the lossing.
• Actually, that might be the reason we're so disappointed. Effy's always, always been about the mystery. Her line (singular!) in series 1 was a riddle. She read Greek myths to Tony before that mess of an episode. She's told beware the moon this week, yet the freakiness goes nowhere.
• It would have worked far, far better if the mushrooms had been normal mushrooms, Effy hadn't been stoned.
• Well, it would have worked better as an episode (and, goodness, it needed it); it may not work better in the 20-episode context.
• Redeeming feature? The takeaway scene.
• What did we learn? Effy is desperate for some attention. Er... Thomas is a decent guy, who knows when to make himself scarce. Er..... that's it.
• Someone else reckons that Effy's t-shirt in the opening scenes was of Sid and Nancy. That would be an inspired foreshadowing of the rest of the episode.
• And the takeaway scene: You girls like to wriggle.

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• On Glickoblog: Lever lever lever A hugemungous upset in Germany, and some big shocks in Spain and Scotland. But not in England.
• Euronews One European competition is interesting. The other is not.
• On Ice Crystals this week: (reddit), a bunch of questions about books and reading.

Another mostly settled week, apart from a front passing on Tuesday and introducing some heavy showers. It hasn't yet felt like spring, but it might do as an area of high pressure crosses the UK this week. Don't put away the winter woolies just yet: by Friday, the anticyclone will be north of Scotland, and that'll bring north-easterly winds to all parts, so do wrap up.

09 Mo sunny spells       4/ 9
10 Tu heavy showers      7/10, 3.5
11 We sunny spells      -2/12
12 Th cloud to sun       9/13
13 Fr cloud, drizzle     4/11, 0.5
14 Sa sun                8/12
15 Su sun to cloud       4/13

Rainfall in March: 24.5mm; monthly average: 52mm

Degree heating days: 789
2007-8: 635½/809½
2006-7: 412/499
2005-6: 622½/684
2004-5: 531/556
2003-4: 679½/754

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