(More: Gerald Ratner does a Ratner, Black, Lonnie Gordon, Cathy Dennis.)

The highest new entry at number 3 is the third hit from the KLF under that name. After the tedious rave of What time is love, and the not tremendously inspiring 3am eternal, the third single from The White Room was a little more interesting. Last train to trancentral was the usual menage of beats, shouted samples, and Riccardo da Force rap. Underneath it lay a chord sequence that the Drummond and Cauty had been using for a couple of years; one version, released in 1990, was influential in the development of ambient house. For the single, there was a more conventional song structure, a rush of adrenalin to the head and with cries of mu mu turning almost into a running mantra. At this stage, there's a possibility - no more - that it'll be the group's second chart-topper in a row.

As it is, last week's number one is this week's number two: Chesney Hawkes's The one and only drops off the top after five weeks, replaced by Cher's The shoop shoop song (it's in his kiss). Originally written by Merry Clayton in 1962, it first became a minor hit when recorded by Betty Everett two years later; though only a number 34 hit in the UK, it went top ten in North America's airplay-dominated list. The tune became something of a standard, recorded by people like Arthur Franklin, Lulu, and a minor hit in the mid-70s for Linda Lewis. Cher's cover was made to promote a long-forgotten movie, and was very much in the style of the early-60s original. As we've noted, it's risen like a rocket, soaring 57-23-2-1, and would go on to top the charts in Ireland, Norway, and Austria. A suitably massive hit for a tremendously fun song.

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Best of the web nomination: Inner Brat on feminism. Provocative and thought provoking, which is just about the sole criterion for BoW.

Sandow proposes simple rules for press release releasers. To précis:

• Don't call your email Press release and nothing else.
• Don't flag your email as high importance just because you think it is; flag it as important only if your recipients desperately need to know.
• Don't send CDs in listener-resistant packaging. Or on overnight delivery when they could go through the regular post.

The Literary Salon reports that the best-selling book on the planet at the moment is Feuchtgebiete. Damp parts. German softcore porn.

A quick contest: city hall, or shopping mall? Answer.

Ireland has a new political party, the People's Accountability, Transparency, and Standards Party. Reverse the latter two objectives, call it an Alliance, and we're in.

Watch out, Dustin the Turkey, Father Ted slash Westloife is here to knock your beak out of joint.

Pointing, not shooting: BBC sets up shop on Livejournal, but only for Russian speakers. (Sarah Gibson, BBC)

If you're gonna hear voices in your head, it'd better be the state-sanctioned one.

Where's Charlotte Green when we need her to read this out:

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

And can we revive It's Been a Bad Week purely to hear Simon Greenall and Sue Perkins dissect this:

Senators in Florida have voted to ban fake bull testicles that dangle from the trailer hitches of many trucks and cars throughout the state. Motorists would be fined FLD 60 [AU$64, €38.50] for displaying the novelty items, which are known by brand names like 'Truck Nutz' and resemble the south end of a bull moving north.

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Normally, our letterbox will receive three or four leaflets in the run up to an election. This year, we had nine: four from the Space Cadets, and five from the Soupies. Indeed, we took no fewer than three communications on blue string paper in the last week of the campaign.

On Tuesday, we got a letter saying, Woes! The BNP is standing in this ward. Aargh! Seats won by the BNP inexorably see an increase in vandalism, more violent attacks, and a decline in house prices. Bullshit! Only Labour can stop the BNP from winning. If you vote for another party, the BNP might get in. Well, dear, if we voted Labour and more people voted BNP, they would win. That's democracy, folks. And do these tell the racists to STFU campaigns actually encourage people to vote for the BNP? We deserve a proper scientific study.

Clearly, Labour was worried that it would lose the seat, its last representative in this blog's ward. If Labour thought it could retain the seat, it wouldn't have launched a personal attack on the opposition candidate, nor trumpteted the outgoing councillor's support for the identity register.

The result: This Bit of Brum: Con Gain

(As ever, we won't disclose who we voted for. We are satisfied with our decision, though would be much happier with the result if an independent had been elected, even though no independent stood.)

It wasn't just local: Thursday's editions of Het Grauniad was full of scare stories about the media-friendly mayoral gubbins in Het Grauniad's back yard. Vote for Boris and the world will end, or thereabouts. No result from London has yet been declared.

(More: Judging the performance of the parties, and the results in full. Apart from the GLA and London Mayor, which look like they won't come out till to-morrow.)

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Before we discuss the London election result, allow us to vent about the media coverage. It was shit. Nothing on national radio, nothing much on the television, and the radio (we can only receive LBC) preferred to play tapes from hours ago than give the constituency results. With the night drawing on, we gave up just before 11, and thought we'd come back to it in the morning.

The Mayor

Johnson - C      1043761 + 124977 = 1168738
Livingstone - Lab 893877 + 135089 = 1028966
Paddick - LD      236685
Berry - G          77374
Barnbrook - BNP    69710
Craig - CPP        39249
Batten - UIP       22422
German - LL        16796
O'Connor - ED      10695
McKenzie - Ind      5389

Non-effect non-transfrble  218254

Con Gain from Lab

(More: Dissecting the results of every ballot, and analysing them to within an inch of their lives. Plus some thoughts for those who would complain about the result.)

While the surface of this result appears to be a return to two-party politics, the undercurrents are interesting. The Conservatives have the mayor, and remain the largest party, and have gained seats as the Europhobes came back. Labour did well to get out the vote in Brent, make the one constituency gain, and to defend their seats on the authority; that gain is perhaps the one ray of light in an otherwise dismal election day. The Lib Dems fell away, didn't really challenge in South West, and were perhaps reduced to their core vote, which is still a quarter of a million people. The Greens proved their strength, and again showed that they should be treated as a serious fourth force across the capital. The BNP had a very patchy result, performing well in their stronghold, but not really getting out of the north-east quadrant. That said, it's the BNP's first major position of power, and there are all sorts of commentators just waiting for the party to show its colours.

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Esther Walker tries to get decent customer service from British companies over the phone. What does 57 varieties mean? Is the Northern Rock safe? And why is Orange so utterly useless? (Actually, we know the answer to the last one: they sacked all their decent staff some years ago.)

Duffy heads the tables in Estonia, Mad Nod takes the top in Denmark. Very little change in the UK, Madonna holds off Sam Sparro and Wiley. Pendulum's Propane nightmares the only song into the top ten. Just four new entries into the top 40, Maybe from Jay Sean is the highest at 19, Duffy's Warwick Avenue is the breath-holding follow-up which really needs to go top 10 to secure her pop star status, Daylight from Kelly Rowland is the highest formal entry at 36, and It's about time from One Night Only sounds rather like their last song, entering at 37. A surprise that Script can only make 15 with We cry - though it's up 15, the suggestion was that it would go top ten easily. Also on the up are Ashley Simpson (30), Robyn (26), Hoosiers (24), Nelly (22), and Gabriela Cilmi (20).

Outside the 40 are Ben's Brother (41), Jack McManus - the male Amy MacDonald (45), dance acts Wideboys (50) and Santogold (51). Sara Bareilles's Love song is one we've been playing a lot for a couple of months, because it's a brill crossover song. Right down the bottom, Hadouken and Dan Le Sac / Scroobius Pip enter, as does a Mad Nod album track and Crowded Houses's Fall at your feet.

Useless stat: the 1-2-4-7-3 top five has happened six times previously, most recently on 13 November 1993. The 1-2-4-7-3-5 top six is novel. On the albums, Mad Nod's Canary Hand is in at 1, ahead of Portishead's Third. Duffy's up one to 3, the Last Shadow Puppets drop three to 4, and Sam Sparro enters at 5. The Platters put a best of in at 9, and Gabriella Cilmi's up 8 to 10. The UK is resolutely not rickrolled: his Ultimate Collection is in at 17; there's no substantive difference from his Greatest Hits (2003) and it's substantially less than the double-CD Together Forever: The Best Of (2007). Robyn's up, and the Fall put Imperial Wax Solvent in at 35.

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This week, we've been watching and hearing...

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Party election broadcasts this week. Conservatives showed Mr. Cameron decrying the failures of Labour, before giving a brief Pointpower presentation about what the Tories would do.
Labour started their broadcast with an appearance by Froglet, which has got to contravene all sorts of broadcasting standards rules, and showed some boring old farts droning on in an almost subaudible, well, drone. You've got to learn to project, darlings!

The results were seen as a great victory for the Conservatives (up 200 councillors, and gaining the mayorality in London; a disaster for Labour (down 300 councillors), good defensive work for the Liberal Democrats (up 50 seats) and Greens, and the BNP profited following the collapse of the Europhobic vote when these seats were last contested. The subliminal message, though, was that the Conservatives could actually govern the country; while the projected majority of 176 is a ludicrous suggestion, the assumption that it's Mr. Cameron's for the lossing appears more sensible than any alternative. An interesting analysis of the bettle between Mr. Livingstone and Mr. Johnson was offered by an Irish commentator, who accuses Mr. Livingstone of encouraging minority ghettoes.

It's only been four and a half weeks, but the Zimbabwe authorities have finally got round to releasing their election numbers. Mr. Mugabe was soundly defeated by Mr. Tsvangirai, but the crooked authorities claims that Mr. Tsvangirai only secured 47% of the vote. Mr. Mugabe's ZANU-PF party has been involved in intimidation and violence before the proposed run-off election, with voting scheduled for later this month. At this rate, the voting will take even longer than it does at Eurovision.

Terrorists launched four missiles into Sudan, killing between 10 and 30 people. Apologists for the warmongers claimed that they were trying to assassinate Aden Hashi Ayro, leader of a relatively obscure jihadist movement. It is not know if Mr. Aden survived.

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A showery week, thanks to a mostly north-westerly airflow. Winds shifted towards the south on Friday, ensuring that things warmed up. It'll remain warm next week, possibly becoming almost hot by midweek, so do wrap up.

28 Mo sun, showers       6/13, 4.0
29 Tu showers            0/12, 2.0
30 We rain o/m, showers  4/11,10.5
01 Th sun, showers       6/15, 7.5
02 Fr sunny spells       2/16
03 Sa sun                7/19
04 Su cloud, showers    12/18

Rainfall in April: 47.5mm; monthly average: 53mm

Rainfall in May: 7.5mm; monthly average: 64mm

Degree heating days: 804
2006-7: 492/499
2005-6: 684/684
2004-5: 555½/556
2003-4: 750/754

Degree cooling days: 0
2007: 5/ 91
2006: 6/360
2005: 1/238
2004: 2/198
2003: 11/328

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