(More: Norma Lament and Tarzan swing into action, profiles of Aswad, Innocence, Inspiral Carpets, and Simple Minds, and songs from the Banderas and INXS.)

The week's big surprise came at number 3, as Rod Stewart's Rhythm of my heart was a non-mover. After last week's seventeen-place climb, and remembering that Hale and Pace were strictly comedy, Rod looked a certainty to have his first chart-topper in eight years. Wasn't to be nationally - though he did take the top spot in Scotland - the public didn't like his song enough, and he's never returned to the top 3 since. No surprise to find The stonk dropped a place to 2, but The one and only's eight-week climb from outside the top 100 to number 1 was now complete, as Chesney Hawkes climbed four places. Can he hold off the challenge of James next week?

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Belated thoughts on the fifth anniversary of the illegal invasion of Iraq: Hans Blix, Adrian Hamilton, Crooked Timber on how the west is ceding ground to the terrorists.

The $cientologists are after press attention. Again. This time, it's because they weren't invited to talk to Bertie "Sterling only, please" Ahern in his multi-faith conversation during 2005. Mr. Ahern invited representatives of the ratfans, fathertedism, jews, mohammedians, and the Seventh Day Church of Launderers of Money. But not the made-up religion invented by Elron Tubbard.

How many Tubbardists are there in Ireland? Not many. Though Elronism wasn't a specified option, the 2006 census included a catch-all other religions entry, with 8576 ticking that box. Small religions include buddhist, hindu, lutheran, jemimah's witnesses (all between 5000 and 6500); baptist (3300); jewish, pantheist, agnostic, moron (all between 1000 and 2000). We suspect that the number of Tubbardists is roughly equal to the 929 atheists in Ireland, and would Mr. Ahern really invite Mr. Dawkins to a discussion on the value of religion? (Numbers sourced from Census Ireland, volume 13, table 5)

More tellingly: how many Sircliffrichardists are there in Ireland? Research by Dr. Löbert of Halle-Wittenberg suggests that Mr. Richard presents himself as some sort of saviour, with repeated themes of redemption, incorruptibility and undying love.

We always thought that Frayer talks a whole lot of sense, but sometimes, Frayer really talks sense. If you go to Starbucks/Costa/Nero's for the coffee, I mock your taste in coffee. It's BURNT. It's OVER BREWED. It's STALE. Well said, ma'am.

Jeff Jarvis moans in Het Grauniad about G****e's domination of the online advert market. Well, whoop-de-do, advertising is what G****e does for a living. Mr. Jarvis goes on to propose an open infrastructure to track commercials and viewers. But he fails to explain why he sees it necessary to plaster the web with adverts in the first place. This blog does not accept commercials; indeed, we would be offended if anyone were to suggest that we add ads. Taking commercials would turn our focus from the reader to the advertiser, and we refuse to be compromised in that way. Why is Mr. Jarvis such a sell-out?

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Many moons ago, high-speed train correspondent Mr. Pokery wrote,

The Welsh assembly wants a high-speed rail link to Europe. Even if routing the trains westwards from St. Pancras would be tricky, would it be possible to use the now-abandoned slower southern link to send some trains on a route of Cardiff to Waterloo to Ashford to Stations East?

Good on the Welsh. It's not just daffs, rugby, and CBBC commissions.

Looking into the geography, we were surprised at how close the lines going out of Paddington come to the lines going out of Euston. We'll kick the southern approach into touch, and offer a fairly simple preferred route: New Lines to St Pancras, six miles along normal railways in north London, then to the Great Western line.

From a train point of view, we run into the problem of power. Eurostar trains are configured to use overhead power cables, but the GWR line to Cardiff has no overhead cables beyond Heathrow. Existing Eurostar trains do not have a diesel engine, and it appears that such engines would require a safety case in order to be allowed through the tunnel. This should not be an insurmountable problem: if necessary, an engine change could be made at Ebbsfleet or Ashford.

(More: We have the route solved, thoughts on the traction, and the reason it won't happen)

Our view is that the railway infrastructure is in place. All that's needed is for someone to challenge the Interior Ministry's xenophobia, borrow or build a spare Eurostar set (or just a half-set), and the service can begin.

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RTÉ closed its transmission on 567 medium wave at 3pm on Monday. Here's a mad thought: as a precursor to launching its expat television channel next year, why doesn't RTÉ buy up a chunk of space on Digital One, where the new owners are transmitting more bits permanently set to 0 than anything. More: report, background.

On Phorm: wethinks they protest too much. Advertising is not a business we like, and web advertisers are uniformly slimeballs.

Which brings us to the oh-so-competent failing advertising brokerage G****e, which has been the subject of three bizarre posts at Language Log, each looking into the uselessness of its automated translation service. Apparently, the English translation of Vienna ist im Österreich!!! is, er, Vienna is in Ireland!. That's going to confuse Terry Wogan.

Steve Richards reminds us of the fundamental tenets of New Labour. Always be more populist than the Tories. Always suck up to Rupert Murdoch. Never be confused with Old Labour. Go soft on the treacherous Yanks, and hard on defence. Above all, be timid.

Shall we just appoint Konnie Huq as president and be done with it? The Blue Peter and UK Top 40 presenter has said she'll have to think carefully before carrying the Crassly Spectacular torch when it comes to London next week, more than Ken Livingstone's ever done.

So, who do we believe about Mrs. Clintstone and her memory of Tuzla '96? The hatchet job of a failed magazine editor regurgitating the talking points of other self-obsessed fanatics who have axes to grind? Or the memories of someone who has independent evidence and no point to make. Mr. White points out, Her most unnerving experiences ... were actually supplied by the US military rather than by any local factors.

Finally, Radio 4's top newsreader Charlotte Green suffered from a fit of the giggles on Friday morning. We were unable to determine whether she hit a four over the wicket-keeper's head.

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Bad news for Bill Kaulitz of Tokio Hotel, the biggest band in the world to do approximately nothing in the UK. He's developed nodules on his vocal cords, and the band's European tour is postponed while he recovers.

Good news for Leona Lewis, who has now completed the hat-trick of number ones in the world's major markets. The UK fell for the brilliance of Bleeding love last year, and Germany went in February. Now the nap hand is complete as the song comes straight into the top in France, beating out the release of Cascada's What hurts the most. Over in Germany, Onerepublic has the highest new entry at 7, Yaël Naïm enters the top 10, while Moby and Befour entering the top 20. No Angels slump 4-14.

4 minutes from Madonna and Justin Numberwang hits the top in Denmark, but we're more perplexed by the appearance at number 6 of Annie Lennox's first big solo hit. It's a perfectly good song, but now? Why, indeed. Madge is also number 1 in Norway. Local act Ishtar hits the top in Flanders with O julissi na jalini, and Flo Rida hits the top in Ireland.

Into the top 75 come the Kooks with Always where I need to be (71) and the Spencer Davis Group's I'm a man (70). Piles enters at 66 with Akon with Hypnotised. Cassie asks Is it you at 55, and Portishead's big comeback Machine gun can only make 52, one behind Cascada's What do you want from me? It's a self-penned song, not a Monaco cover, and we're not sure if this is good or bad news.

Scouting for Girls enter the top 40 at 40 with Heartbeat. We've not knowingly heard it, so are working on the assumption that it's a cover of Nick Berry's 1992 classic. Following its success in France, Bleeding love re-enters at 38, a five-place climb. New at 36 for Britney Spears's Break the ice, possibly her best single in a few years. T-Pain's Church moves in at 35, a dreadfully poor recording, not even a song. Surprisingly, no move at 32 for Gnarls Barkley. Glad to see Yaël Naïm storm up 24 to 30 with New soul, a song some of us have been humming since her appearance on Taratata aired at the beginning of the year. In our North Europe chart, she's number 4, behind Onerepublic, Duffy, and Leona. Another surprise as Nataaaaaasha Bedingplant slips two to 29. New at 24 comes Snoop Doggy Dogg with Sensual seduction, a song neither sensual nor seductive, though he's right about the dog.

Readers are cautioned that James Blunt is back in the top 20, Carry you home moves up from 65. Our database shows that it's only the 57th movement of 45 places or more, and the 33rd in the two years since dowloads were allowed to chart before a physical equivalent; 23 of those climbs came in the nine months before all downloads counted. What our database doesn't show is that Mr. Blunt has only secured another top 20 hit because he's sold a zillion live versions of the same song, just as Wet Wet Wet did a month or so back.

Usher lands at 19 with Love in this club, then a long run of fallers, including top 10 exits for H Two O (10-14), Utah Saints (8-12) and the Council Estate Slappers (9-11). Alphabeat's Fascination reverses its decline, going 13-10, Onerepublic slips five to 9, and Chris Brown is up 9 to 8. After a Bryan Adams in the top five, Nickelback finally declines 5-7, and Leona Lewis is down 3-6. Madonna and Justin Numberwang are up two to 5, and Sam Sparro's up 19 to 4 with Black and gold, a song that completely passes us by. Duffy slips to 3, allowing Flo Rida to move 6-2, but Estelle and Kayne West hold at 1.

On the albums chart, Duffy holds for a fourth week at number one with Rockferry. Panic At The Disco's Pretty Odd lands at 2, with the Foals making 3 with Antidotes. Raconteurs's Consolers of the lonely (8) and Guillemots's Red (9) also make the top 10, while Counting Crows are stuck at 12 with Saturday Nights and Sunday Mornings. David Garrett's Virtuoso makes 17, while Supergras's Diamond Hoo Ha falls flat at 19. Mike Batt puts A Songwriter's Tale in at 24, and there are albums from Deep Purple, Does It Offend You Yeah, The Mystery Jets, and The Whip in the top 75.

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This week, we've been watching and hearing...

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Heathrow airport opened its fifth passenger terminal, to be used almost exclusively by British Airways. The airline performed its usual quality job, ensuring that baggage was lost, landings were delayed, flights were cancelled, and meals were inedible.

Sport: the University Challenge Boat Race was won by Oxford, who finished the course seven lengths ahead of defending champions Cambridge. At the world track cycling championships in Crater Manchester, the UK won a record nine gold medals.

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Strong winds from a northerly sector continued into the week, and were eventually swept away by a front coming up from the south-west during Friday. Showers continue through next week, with a brief settled spell around Thursday, but northerly winds re-establishing themselves for next week-end, so do wrap up.

24 Mo snow showers       2/ 5, 1.0
25 Tu cloud              0/ 7, 0.5
26 We cloud              5/10, 2.0
27 Th sun               -1/10
28 Fr showers            4/11, 6.0
29 Sa showers            4/10, 4.5
30 Su rain o/n, sun      4/13, 9.5

Rainfall in March: 78.5mm; monthly average: 52mm

Degree heating days: 683½
2006-7: 475/499
2005-6: 661/684
2004-5: 538/556
2003-4: 714½/754

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