From this week's Sunday Times:

While the rolling thunder of the B-52 echoes across the Gulf skies, dozens of bureaucrats are shuffling paper across Washington desktops in an effort to ensure it does not all happen again in 10 years' time.

The week's big development came in South Africa, where President de Klerk abolished apartheid. Just like that. On Thursday, the laws preventing immigrants and residents from mixing were in force; on Friday, he decreed that they would be repealed as soon as was practicable. Out went the Population Registration Act, under which people were classified by their skin colour and ancestry, and it was goodbye to the Group Areas and Land Acts, which regulated where people could live and whether they could own land.

Week three of the KLF War, and the ground offensive was under way. Iraqi troops moved into the border town of Khafji, previously seen as part of Saudi Arabia. The Saudi forces, assisted by their guest players, captured the town after three days of house-to-house battles. Brocolli fan George Bush visited the region, and Norman Schwarzkopf was becoming quite the star as the public face of the hired Kuwaiti forces. The British prime minister (er, um, what's his name?) The British prime minister Joe '91 said that President Sadaam was losing the war. He started it, and he is losing it, said the unremarkable man. A proposition was made by the USSR: President Sadaam to withdraw his forces from Kuwait, in return for a concerted effort from the USSR and other powers to resolve the Palestinian problem. The UK government claimed that Iraqi agents were active in the country and preparing to plant a bomb on a plane. This was another example of faulty intelligence from start to finish.

TV-AM faced the Lorraine Kelly problem: viewers, especially those who hadn't tuned into breakfast television, found the commercial station's mix of news and entertainment far less compelling than the hard news on BBC1 and Channel 4. (Remember the Channel 4 Daily? No? Oh.) Radio 4 was the victim of a Murdoch-inspired sting, when some Tory MPs were duped into criticising the station's loss of the national anthem; as it was running through the night, there was no closedown, and there's no anthem without the closedown.

Other news: Sinn Féin said that there would be no IRA ceasefire. Not that the two bodies were linked, oh no. The Yugoslav army vowed to defend the federation against any seperatist movements in the constituent republics. That means you, Croatia. We're tugging our ears in your direction, Slovenia. USSR president Gorbachev set up talks with the Occupied Baltic States. The death was announced of Joe Meek of the Tornadoes.

Sport: another test match, another England collapse. During the Ashes tour, England had lost 8/77, 9/72, 6/78, 9/47, 8/92, and now 8/53. The Grauniad commented, England now fold so readily that they could be popped in a Jiffy Bag and posted home. At least that would save them the airfare. Arsenal lost their first match of the season, 2:1 at Chelsea. In the Five Nations, France won 21:13 in Ireland, Scotland beat Wales 32:12.

UK Singles Chart for w/c 3 February 1991

Number One	3am eternal - KLF - 2nd week (Number 659 in seq.)
Highest new entry	Games - New Kids on the Block - number 17
Fastest climber (within top 40)	Only you - Praise - up 14 to 5
Fastest climber (within top 75)	The king is half-undressed - Jellyfish - up 31 to 43
Lemming-like fall	Mary had a little boy - Snap! - down 28 to 71
Top 40 debuts	Jimmy Barnes, Railway Children
Top 40 exits	Bill Medley And Jennifer Warnes, Tongue 'N' Cheek
Top 75 debuts	JJ, Love Inc, Throwing Muses, 2 Mad
Top 75 exits	Big Dish, D-Shake, Johnny Panic And The Bible Of Dreams, The Righteous Brothers, Will To Power
Simon Mayo's Record of the Week	This is your life - Banderas

The Scottish Record Industry Association confirmed its plans to launch a proper Scottish chart. The SRIA had been lobbying to use the well-respected Gallup / CIN panel for a couple of years, and had provided a shadow chart to BBC Radio Scotland for a few years. This shadow chart was compiled by MRIB from sales in independent stores only. Using the Gallup panel would bring in the chain stores and ensure the panel truly reflected sales across the country, rather than favouring indie tunes.

New at number 70 nationally - but in the Scot40, thanks to that indie bias - was the Throwing Muses's Counting backwards. It's the first top 75 single for the band, which would have its biggest success with 1992's Firepile ep. The parent album was The Real Ramona, probably the finest exposition of their quirky song structures: the time signatures and chord progressions are particularly unusual. Tanya Donelly left the group at the end of 1991 to form Belly and work with the Breeders; Kristin Hersh stayed with the Muses until they broke in the late 90s, eventually returning with the post-punk 50 Foot Wave in the mid-2000s.

In at 69 came Only the ones we love, the flop third single from Tanita Tikaram's flop second album. The cosmopolitan singer had shot to fame in 1988, when her Ancient Heart album yielded the upbeat top ten hit Good tradition, and the winding jazz of Twist in my sobriety. Expectations were very high for her second album, 1990's The Sweet Keeper, but fans were disappointed. Lead single We almost got it together failed to enter the public's consciousness, making number 52, and a high-profile campaign for the second single proved a flop - Little sister leaving town appeared on ITV's The Chart Show for three weeks in a row, but still failed to make the top 75. Tikaram attempted comebacks in 1995 and 1998, but failed to make any significant impact. She's since moved to France, and may be best-remembered as the brother of Ramon Tikaram, Ferdy in the BBC's This Life drama.

New at 68 for Them performing Baby please don't go. It's Van Morrison's old group, the one that launched him to fame in 1963. Them is best known for Gloria, never a hit in the UK; the current single was being used in a car commercial, twenty-six years after making the top ten.

Another hoary old relic enters at 67, Donny Osmond performing My love is a fire. He first tasted stardom in 1963, aged just five, when he and his Osmond brothers released many light pop classics. His solo career began in earnest in 1972, with the unforgettable Puppy love - that's unforgettable as in once heard, scarred for life. It's alarming to think that this began a run of six top five singles in the next eighteen months, three of them reaching number one, and four albums making the top ten. Fashion moved against him; by 1974 he was struggling to make the top 20, and 1976's Discotrain album came in at number 59, and then left again. Osmond made a half-hearted comeback in 1988, when Soldier of love made 29, but again found that success would be fleeting - his 1990 album Eyes don't lie is best deemed lost. Our chart database shows that he put Breeze on by into the top ten in September 2004, a song that we cannot remember hearing once. Osmond has his fans - either Ric Blaxill or Simon Mayo liked this particular single, and Louis Walsh showed his soft spot for Osmond releases by inflicting at least one on every band he's managed - but the toothsome crooner is now best-known for hosting slightly rubbish game shows like Idennidy and The Pyramid Show With Donny Osmond.

New at 66 came Love Inc with Love is the message, and new at 64 for That Petrol Emotion's Tingle. Badman's Magic style went up 6 to 61, about which more later. We were ever so pleased to see JJ enter at 59 with If this is love. JJ was, effectively, vocalist Jan Johnston and her backing band, making an infection soul-jazz crossover song. It didn't quite gain traction on daytime radio, though Jan would later find minor success with Sub Merge, Freefall, and Tomski, and under her own name.

Quartz and Dina Carroll put It's too late up 16 to 57, and new at 56 came Caron Wheeler with Don't quit. Wheeler had been the vocalist on Soul II Soul's breakthrough hit Keep on moving, and when Living in the light effortlessly made the top 20 in September 1990, it looked as though she would have a long solo career ahead of her. It wasn't the case: second single UK blak (sic) peaked at 40, this song will fall even shorter, and a comeback in 1992 won't register on the radar.

Up 10 to 54 for Lalah Hathaway's Baby don't cry, and up 7 to 53 for Shades of Rhythm's Homicide / Exorcist. UB40 climbed 9 to 49 with The way you do the things you do, and the Milltown Brothers rose 22 to 47 with Which way should I jump?. That made the Scot40, as did the new entry at 46 for 2 Mad; Thinking about your body was based on a piece of music they'd written for a chocolate commercial, but replaced fake affection for the milky brown stuff with fake affection for a woman. A decent enough jingle, but not a great song.

Living Colour was inching up the charts, four places to 44, overtaken by this week's fastest climber, The king is half undressed from Jellyfish. A new entry at 41 for Julian Cope's Beautiful love, and Free's All right now came in at 39. This had made it to number 2 in 1970, and was re-promoted now after appearing in a commercial for chewing gum. Up 18 to 38 went Jimmy Barnes and INXS performing Good times, and the Railway Children rose 22 to 37 with Every beat of the heart. The rather senseless re-release of Smalltown boy was up 9 to 32, and Chris Isaak's Blue Ho el rose 15 to 30.

Up 8 to 27 went Mark Summers with Summers magic, a song that was almost the dictionary definition of a Bonkers Tune. Take, if you will, the theme tune to surreal French animation The Magic Roundabout. Go on, it's there, grab it. Now add a rave beat, and the almost inevitable shouts and cheers and catchphrases from the show. And, just to confuse everyone on the planet, top and tail the record with clips from wartime radio: to be precise, Tommy Handley's It's That Man Again. The result: a hit that captures the public imagination, gets a surprising amount of radio play for a club record, though not a tremendous number of sales. There was another release covering similar ground, Badman's Magic style, but it was clearly the inferior of the two, and deservedly struggled to chart. Almost inevitably, this release sparked a bit of a revival in childrens' television, a topic we'll be revisiting on and off through the year.

The previous week had been curious: sales rose substantially, but the hangers-on from late 1990 continued to sell, occupying a block from 21 to 29, and artificially depressing the records beneath. Mark Summers, for instance, had held at 35 in spite of increasing his sales by 10%, and Gloria Estefan's 8% rise was rewarded by a dip from 28 to 30. This week, the old records drop away like flies - only three of this week's top 20 had first appeared during 1990 - allowing records to rise to their more natural level. Gloria's Coming out of the dark is up 5 to 25, Kenny Thomas's Outstanding rose 7 to 24, Mixmasters' Night fever megamix climbed 13 to 23, Source went up 10 to 22 with You got the love, and Kim Appleby had a new entry at 21 with G.L.A.D.

A new entry, but not the highest. If Donny Osmond had dominated the chart in the early 70s - six entries in eighteen months - New Kids on the Block were ubiquitous in 1990, putting eight records in the top 40. This, however, is 1991, and NKOTB are becoming decidedly passé. The first release from their new album promised a harder, rougher edge. Games failed as boyband pop, but it also failed as white boy rap. Imagine, if you will, Eminem, but even wussier... OK, difficult to imagine, but give us the slack. Games entered at number 17, the lowest entry position since their breakthrough You got it entered at 23 in November 1989. Has the New Kid bubble burst? Will online website Popbitch be snarking at the group after they announce the most pointless comeback since the revival of Gladiators? (Not only has Popbitch yet to be formed, not only has Gladiators yet to be invented, but the website still belongs to the future. We'll move on. - Temporally-Compliant Ed)

The slow climb for Oleta Adams's Get here continued, up another five places to 15. Out of the top ten came C&C Music Factory (10-14), Enigma (6-13), Queen (2-12), and Seal (5-11). Yep, Queen has gone 1-2-12, a rate of fall that makes Iron Maiden look popular. Into the top ten went Vanilla Ice's Play that funky music (17-10). Rick Astley dropped two to 9, and Soho's Hippy chick was a non-mover at 8. Kylie Minogue made it into the top ten, but What do I have to do could only climb four places to 7; by her standards, a flop. EMF was up three to 6 with I believe; the backlash began as the group started its UK tour, with only fleetingly inspired one of the politest terms.

Fastest climber within the top 40 was up 14 to 5 for Praise, performing Only you. The group was Geoff MacCormack, Simon Goldenberg, and Miriam Stockley. They were the first and most successful of the Enigma clones, putting world music sounds to contemporary dance beats. The group owed their break to the use of the single in a car commercial, clearly intended to make the car seem as though it was a contribution to world peace, and not the fundamental cause of the war currently raging in the middle east. Out of this came an album, which sold rather well for a world / new age work. The group disbanded after their album, with Miriam Stockley finding much greater success as the vocalist on Karl Jenkins's Adiemus project, which topped the classical charts from 1995 until the marketing guys started selling pouting blondes at the end of the decade. We're somewhat surprised to find that the song doesn't get played much on Chill radio. Hint.

Up ten to 4 for Nomad featuring MC Mikee Freedom's I wanna give you devotion. We want to give it a place in Ver Dumper. Taking advantage of Queen's slump were 2 In a Room, up one to 3; and the Simpsons, up one to 2. Almost by default, the KLF held at the top spot for a second week.

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