10September

The Rugby Football World Cup, then. France 12, Argentina 17 (SEVENTEEN). How to annoy the francophiles and amuse the rest of the world. If the Argies can make the semi-finals (and, on this form, they might be able to knock off Ireland, top their group, and play Scotland or Italy), they have a very strong case to join the Tri-Nations series involving New Zealand, South Efrica, and Australia.

Very Old ASCII Art Updated

   #1--Geelong-\
               |
  /---=== QF 1 *-------------------------Geelong-\
 /             |                                 |
 | #4-Kangaroo-/                                 |
 |                                               |
 |        #6-Coll'wood-\                         |
 |                     |                         |
 |                EF 1 *--Coll'wood-\            |
 |                     |            |       PF 1 *------------\
 |        #7-Sydney Sw-/            |            |            |
 |                                  |            |            |
 |                             SF 2 *------------/            |
 |                                  |                         |
 |                                  |                         |
 \                                  |                         |
  \ /--> loser of QF2------W. Coast-/                         |
   X                                                       GF *---------
  / \--> loser of QF1-----Kangaroos-\                         |
 /                                  |                         |
 |                                  |                         |
 |                                  |                         |
 |                             SF 1 *------------\            |
 |                                  |            |            |
 |        #8--Adelaide-\            |            |            |
 |                     |            |       PF 2 *------------/
 |                EF 2 *---Hawthorn-/            |
 |                     |                         |
 |        #5--Hawthorn-/                         |
 |                                               |
 | #3-W. Coast-\                                 |
 \             |                                 |
  \---=== QF 2 *-----------------------Pt. Adel--/
               |
   #2-Pt. Adel-/

Mr. Pokery, who devised this graphic five years ago, said at the time how he would be barracking for Essendon, then cheering against the team that beat them, then for the team that beat them, and so on. His plot has been completely foiled this year, because the Bombers, well, bombed, finishing 12th in the 16-team league, albeit just two wins from the play-offs. Are we cheering against Hawthorn?

For those who missed the scores, here's TV's famous The Teleprinter to do some teleprinting goodness.

Port Adelaide 9 14 ( 68)
West Coast    9 11 ( 65)

Hawthorn     15 15 (105)
Adelaide     15 12 (102)

Collingwood  18 17 (125)
Sydney Swans 13  9 ( 87)

Geelong      23 18 (156)
Kangaroos     8  2 ( 50)

Yeah. A margin of victory of 106 (ONE HUNDRED AND SIX) points there. No wonder Santana showed the match three times during Sunday, they couldn't believe it either. Just imagine what would happen if Geelong came up against the Michigan or Notre Dame NCAA-ball sides!

More ASCII art.

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10September

It should be noted that most stores were closed until lunchtime on Saturday; some did not open all day. Sales were somewhat lower than usual.

All Saints confirmed their position as the pre-eminent all-female pop-soul group as I know where it's at moved 4-6, making way for Puff Daddy's I'll be missing you, back up one to 5, and completing a run of appearances at each of numbers 1-6. Mind the mawk. After that, three songs that were refreshingly upbeat: Hanson did a grand job of Following That, Where's the love was the release after Mmmbop, didn't have a quirky video, and landed at a perfectly respectable number 4. Chumbawumba's Tubthumping was down one at 3, Will Smith's Men in black dropped a place to 2. The Verve had the new number one, The drugs don't work moving straight in at the top. It's a sad song, for a sad week.

When it emerged in late August, Something about the way you look tonight didn't disappoint. The video clip, all purples and oranges, could only be made in 1997. It was an orchestral love song, similar in topic to Chris de Bergh's 1986 smash Lady in red, but infinitely less naff in its execution. Where de Bergh was creepy, John was celebratory; where de Bergh went down the scale, John rose up. Where de Bergh's song was simple to the point of charmless, John's was complex to the point of simplicity.

(More: Manic Street Preachers, snarking at the Merc, lots and lots of old records get re-issued, but the big news is on the airplay chart.)

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11September

In comments to our last post on this subject, Mr. Pokery wrote,

We would certainly hope that it is possible for Mr. Fitzpatrick's model to adopt elements proposed here. The underlying point on centralisation versus distribution is this: while it may be more convenient to store all the data at the central server end, the design must not assume this is inevitable, and the implementation must allow people to declare their own relationships independently of the central server, including the ability to declare that there is no data. A centralised server should be seen, at least on a philosophical level, as a bodge to be improved in a subsequent release.

(Continues in this vein for 500 words.)

I think it would be a strongly desirable feature to have to ensure that the user can set asymmetric information permission should they so desire.

No disagreement from this corner. The first bite, the proof of concept, will almost certainly have to be fully public data. Getting the basics right is hard: adding in all the permutations of trusted groups is many degrees harder. Public data feels like a problem that can be solved in P. Non-public data feels like a problem that is NP-complete.

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12September

Gladiators, then. Games, approximately from favourite to ohnonotagain.

• Skytrak. Going upside down for no adequately explored reason. Hurrah!
• Hang Tough. Brains and muscles in perfect combination.
• Atlaspheres. Big and beefy, under-used at the end.
• Gauntlet. A difficult challenge.
• Pole-axe. A quickie, perhaps too dangerous for its own good.
• Danger Zone. The one with the tennis balls, underplayed after the opening year.
• Pursuit. The obstacle course, a fun game.
• Tightrope. As latterly seen on Fort Boyard.
• The Wall. Right to play this most weeks, it's a standard challenge.
• Pendulum. Plenty of scope for tactics.
• Powerball. Good game, but didn't deserve to be on every bloody week.
• Suspension Bridge. It's Duel, on a bridge. Slightly more scope for tactics, but didn't need to be a 60-second game.
• Duel. Too much scope for interference from the referee. We're still smarting from Prija's exclusion in IG95.
• Tilt. Duel on raised platforms.
• Swingshot. Never liked it.
• Pyramid. Would probably have worked better with a single contender.
• Hit and Run. Remote control? Naah.
• Catapult, Vertigo, Whiplash. Hardly remember these.
• Joust. Naff.
• Sumo Ball. Just no.

Sweeping the Nation reviews Radio 1, just for one day. Moyles, Whylie, Bowman, Mills, and the evening.

Thoughts on Anita Roddick will follow her funeral. One follow-up from Mat GB: there's a whole unit of people at the BBC who spend their lives making and maintaining obituaries for the old, ill, and vulnerable. And there was more in last Monday's Indytab.

Language Log on white goods around the world. (Don't know what they are? That's the point!)

The mathematics of the key of C. Another Language Log post, obviously.

A long piece summing up the Hatto phenomenon.

Martin Bell has torn a strip off the BBC for its obsession with a non-story. There are reasons why we listen to RTÉ's evening bulletin, and a certain sense of perspective is high amongst them. Listeners to Radio 5 have more of it than the producers.

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13September

Beverley Knight is probably the most famous person to come out of Wolverhampton in 1973. She was raised on a diet of gospel music and little else, and declined a recording deal when aged 17 so that she might study religion and philosophy at Wolverhampton Polytechnic. In 1994, she released an album on an independent label, and promotion for this event brought her to the record store where we were working. The event took place on a day we weren't behind the counter, and it wasn't the topic of conversation when we did go back.

A second issue of Flavour of the old school crept into the top 40 in late 1995, but it wasn't until Beverley signed with Parlophone in 1998 that the hits started to flow. Made it back and Greatest day were modern soul classics, showing the performer's gospel roots without any attempt to preach. Proof that Knight's fame was no flash in the pan came with the protracted break to the new album - it wasn't until 2002 that Who I Am emerged, and the slightly atypical single Shoulda woulda coulda (music and lyrics: Beverley Knight, Craig Wiseman) became her first top ten hit. It was more silky, more dream-like than the rest of the album.

2004's Affirmation was more deliberately commercial than her previous works, and that grated with some of the more snobbish fans of soul music, distraught that (gasp) honkies could like it, too. Lead single Come as you are became her biggest hit, complete with a chorus that is a blast of air in the face; writing credits for the album's final single Keep this fire burning include the Swedish hit-writing duo Marchell Remeeus and Robyn. You know, of Every heartbeat fame. A singles collection came out in 2006, trailed by a cover of Piece of my heart that wasn't to our taste. We reckon Beverley's at her best on the albums, a collection of singles doesn't do her justice.

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13September

We were reading this week's edition of Computer, Weakly (we get it for the exposed circuit boards on page 3, don't you know) when a commentator ran the rule over Stephen Sedley's barking idea to put the entire country on a DNA database. If we accept the argument, the storage required for such a project would be the size of a small country. Or, the way things are going, the size of two smaller countries, for the database would need to occupy the entire space of Belgium.

This argument cascades, of course. The people of Belgium would need some space to store their Sedley database, and could quite reasonably use the surface area of a smaller neighbouring country, such as Luxembourg. The Luxembourgeois could just about store their information in a network the size of Liechtenstein. The people of Liechtenstein might put their data in two streets of central Munich. And those unfortunate enough to live in those two streets of central Munich might pop their data into Stephen Sedley's brain, because he's evidently not using it himself.

Speaking of Belgium, now 92 days without a government, an idea to stop the paralysis caused by the linguistic divide: create national top-up seats in parliament. Parties must then appeal to Dutch and French speakers, and this (apparently) brings stability.

If we thought the West Midlands' radio station Kerrrap (broadcasting in distressingly low-quality mono since 2003) had plumbed the depths, it finds an even deeper deep to drop into. They're putting Kate Lawler on breakfast. Hey, we remember RI:SE. We lose!

The BBC has signed up to cover the Off-White Cup next February, plus highlights of the other ten NFL-ball play-off matches, and the regular-season game between the Marine Mammals and New Jersey/A in London next month. The OWC has now been on all four major UK broadcasters (C4 1983-98; C5 2001-4; ITV 2005-7), but will now air commercial-free.

1997: Car crashes STOP Three dead STOP
2007: Child missing STOP Suspect innocent STOP Child still missing STOP

Language Log on street names. A tip for visitors to London: if you ask for directions to Gloucester, we will give you directions to the county town of Gloucestershire, even if you only want directions to Gloucester-street.

Joan Smith on the complete uselessness of the modern police. The service exists only because the Grate British Public gives it permission to exist. The criminal fraternity never gives its consent to be policed, and if the chattering classes withdraw theirs, it'll only be the silent minority, and they can be invoked by both sides.

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14September

Lisekit writes about the current fashion in school days: the gratuitously late lunch break. Nothing new for this writer, for whom secondary school began at 8.50, lessons at 9 and 10.10, break 11.20, another lesson at 11.35, then lunch 12.45 to 2.05. Registration and one more lesson before the hometime bell at 3.20. Given 70-minute lessons, and the requirement to bus pupils up to six miles, this was about as good as it could get. No-one, not pupils and not staff, appreciated a foolish scheme to chop the front half-hour from Tuesday lunch-time for the Record of Positive Achievement we've derided in the past.

It all changed when we reached the sixth form: an 8.45 start, lessons cut to 60-minutes, a break from 10.55 to 11.10, then two more lessons until lunch at 1.10. Then back at 2.20 for registration and a lesson that was amongst the most-missed in the school. The head had clearly seen the same research as Lisekit, and come to the conclusion she rightly criticises: four lessons in a morning is a nonsense.

Here's the bit that might surprise: we were at that school between 1987 and 1992. There really is nothing new under the sun. Looking at the school's website, we find that there's now an 8.40 start, a 3.15 finish, 55-minute classes, and lunch (and period 7 classes) varying between weeks A and B. We're also rather pleased to learn that the school is a specialist mathematics school. Only about fifteen years late!

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14September

Dave the Eager Young Space Cadet has announced plans to get young people to do good things. Under his proposals, those turning 16 and completing their GCsSE would spend six weeks working for charities, performing physical work, or playing at being soldiers. It would be optional, but youngsters could not afford to pass up the idea, said Cadet, tritely adding This could really help change our country for the better. The Soup Dragon said that he would ask the young clanger R. Kelly to do this exercise and report back when he finished his GCsSE in two years.

Over on the shelf, Ming Vase opined that this would raise the profile of charity work, but would reduce its effectiveness, because it would be coming through social pressure and not through genuine interest. Had Eager Young Space Cadet Dave not yet encountered the partition of charity? Did he realise how much this would damage the concept of voluntary giving, if the voluntary became a coerced tithe? Indeed, had the Cadet thought about how tithes fell into disrepute through its compulsion? Such are the perils of leaving the study of history and its hands to that two-headed monster Blair Campbell.

There is a possible place for such a scheme: in the autumn after A-level results are known. But that would require the university year to follow the calendar year, with applications made on known A-level results, leaving September to December a period between school and uni where Other Things could be done. A gap-half-year for all.

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15September

In another place, Mr. Pokery writes about Gladiators,

I cast a vote in favour of the obscure Suspension Bridge, so obscure that I'm not even sure if I remember the name correctly.

Suspension Bridge was, indeed, the name of the game. Superior to Duel, primarily for being more clearly tactical, and more televisual. Not one of our favourites, but decent enough.

Come to think of it, there were lots of good games which seemed to hardly ever get played - and the ones that did get played frequently, while by no means inherently bad, tended to bore due to overexposure.

At least two, and usually three from Powerball, the Wall, Gauntlet, and Duel / Suspension Bridge seemed to crop up every single week, leaving next to no room for the more spectacular games.

What Gladiators needs is the bang-through-it Countdown-like focus upon gameplay from the US version, which spent very little time on the chattery bollocks that nobody cared about so they could fit more ads in.

Watching the 1992 series the other month, it's clear that there was little chatterboxing, and consequentially more gameplay. Dropping down to five events was precisely to allow more filler, and perhaps the beginning of the end.

John Fashanu was terrible, obv.

But that's the *charm* of the show! Ever-so-slightly shambling presentation added to the live atmosphere. No room for re-takes here.

I don't remember That Rugby Chap being much better.

Jeremy Guscott? His advantage was that he wasn't John Fashanu of Winchester Courtroom. His disadvantage was that he wasn't John Awooga Fashanu.

Overseas shows

Friday Night Lights hasn't floated our boat. Partly because it aired here on Friday nights, when we have a standing engagement, and remembering to watch the video before the end of the week-end proved difficult. But mostly because it's deeply rooted in an alien culture. So deeply that the intended audience doesn't notice the cultural gap, but those of use from Elsewhere certainly do. The early episodes of Freaks and Geeks had this problem, but just about managed to universalise its characters by the end.

Doctor Who does not pass muster. We saw the first episode of the revival, and disliked it intensely. We saw the opening of the second episode of the revival, found ourselves falling asleep, and went off and did something less boring. On a recommendation from a chum, we saw a later episode, Dalek. Better, but still more wrong than right, particularly the cavalier way the series' canon is completely disregarded when it's inconvenient for the week's plot. There is some dramatic merit in the programme, but not as much as alleged, and it is drowned out by an accompaniment that attempts to dictate emotions. We can't see Ickle Billie Piper as anything other than a B-grade pop star.

Heroes represents another case of inconvenient scheduling, and we still can't see Milo Ventimiglia as anything other than deadbeat Jess.

What are we watching and enjoying? Skins, and we will retract our criticism of the first episode: on re-view, it does work, apart from the painfully crap scene at the canal towards the end. Comics Britannia and The Protestant Revolution are well researched and made, but won't export: one is too parochial, the other is too intellectual. At least one of these applies for Antan Dec.

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16September

Ora Mate is into the French top 5 with Kamate, and Christophe Willem follows at 6 with Parce qu'on sait jamais. In Germany, 24 New Pence is in at 3, but Sean Kingston's dull song can only make number 15. Stacey Ferguson takes the top spot in Norway, and the big movement in Ireland is Nessun dorma rebounding to number 7.

20 NE Julien Dore - Moi ... Lolita
19 12 Åvril Lavignnesøn - When you're gone
18 19 Azad - Prison break anthem
17 15 Culcha Candela - Hamma
16 NE 24 New Pence - Ayo technology
15 14 Ich + Ich - Von sielbern stern
14  6 Rihanna - Umbrella
13 18 Kayne West - Stronger
12  9 Marquess - Vayamos campeneros
11 11 Nelly Furtado - In god's hands
10 17 Hard-Fi - Suburban knights
 9 13 Sean Kingston - Beautiful girls
 8  7 Mika - Big girl (you are beautiful)
 7 10 K T Tunstall - Hold on
 6  8 Plain White Ts - Hey there Delilah
 5  4 Mika - Relax (take it easy)
 4  5 Robyn - With every heartbeat
 3  3 Stacey Ferguson - Big girls don't cry
 2  1 Timberyokel - The way oi are
 1  2 James Blunt - 1973

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16September

Re-entries this week include T Rex's Get it on, for reasons that escape us. Ash make 62 with the very disappointing End of the world, and the Dykeenies hit 61 with Stitches. HIM make 59 with The kiss of dawn, and Frozen Embryos put The kill at 57. Puressence had three hits in 1998, and another in 2002, so while Drop down to earth is a welcome return, its position 56 makes it their smallest hit yet. Dead 60s put Stand up at 54, their first release in 18 months, and first to miss the 40. Will I Am has I got it from my mama at 53, Out of Office Hands up at 52, and Charlean Dance Mr DJ at 51. We care nothing about these. Status Quo was the headline act at Radio 1's 25th anniversary concert in 1992; Beginning of the end won't be played on the station, as it only makes 48.

Akron moves up from 74 to 40 with Sorry blame it on me. Hi-Tack live down to their name, and put a tacky cover of Bowie's Let's dance in at 38. Worst record of the week is from Dave Spoon, Bad girl (at night) climbs 53-36 in its third week on release. Paul Weller tries to recover the halcyon days when he was sort-of relevant. Much as the chart to-day resembles one from 1981, Are you trying to be lonely? loses its lustre when the brass section fades down and Weller's vocals cut in. Chemical Brothers climb from 60 to 27 as The salmon dance enters stores, but it's still their second-smallest hit - only 2005's The boxer (number 41) was lesser in sales. Not in quality, for this is probably their worst record ever.

Taio Cruz is just tedious by comparison, Moving on moves 47-26. Phil Collins's In the air to-night is back in the chart, moving 42-23. It was originally a hit in 1981, but moved back into the top ten in 1988 after being used in a telecoms commercial. It's a chocolate commercial this time. Foo Fighters climb 23-21, the third record this year to spend five weeks in the 40 without cracking the 20: Paolo Nutini's New shoes (21, 10w) and R. Kelly's Same girl (26, 6w) the others. This was a regular achievement until 1994.

Sorry to hear that Meg White Stripe is feeling a little under the weather. Maybe her recovery will be speeded by news that You don't know what love is is this week's highest new entry at number 18. This week's Elvis re-issue is Party, a completely forgotten number 2 hit from 1957. Like the last two, it makes 14, and ver Pelvis becomes the first person to be at 14 for three consecutive weeks with different songs. Pavarotti is back up 12 to 12, and Booty Luv climb 20 to 11. Which will be remembered twenty years hence? Last week's top ten is this week's top ten, shuffled about. 24 New Pence climbs 3 to 5, then there's no move for James Blunt, Kayne West, Plain White Ts and Sean Kingston. As dull as the best-seller.

Kayne West puts Graduation in at the top of the albums chart, ahead of 24 New Pence's Curtis. KT Tunstall's Drastic fantastic has been outsold this week, but she'll sell more by the end of the year. Natalie Imbruglia's singles collection, Torn, And The Ones You've Forgotten makes 5, while Ultrabeat's The Album makes 8. Kano and the hits of T Rex are 14 and 15, and the Ultimate Pavarotti makes 17; we hear that demand far exceeded supply. Go! Team put Proof of Youth in at 21, Siouxsie's Mantaray makes 39, Stephen Fretwell's Man on the Roof hits 44, and Inme have Daydream anonymous at 71. From Catalano to Chase, all so-called life is here!

 8  7 Robyn - With every heartbeat
10  9 Scouting for Girls - She's so lovely
12 24 Luciano Pavarotti - Nessun dorma
18 NE White Stripes - You don't know what love is
24 17 Hard-Fi - Suburban knights
28 16 Reverend and the Makers - He said he loved me
29 22 Newton Faulkner - Dream catch me
30 26 Hoosiers - Worried about Ray
35 30 Mika - Big girl (you are beautiful)
37 32 KT Tunstall - Hold on
42 35 Natalie Imbruglia - Glorious
49 27 Editors - An end has a start
50 41 Åvril Lavignnesøn - When you're gone
54 NE Dead 60s - Stand up
56 NE Puressence - Drop down to earth
58 49 My Chemical Romance - Teenagers
59 NE HIM - The kiss of dawn
60 46 Amy MacDonald - Mr. rock 'n' roll
61 NE Dykeenies - Stitches
62 NE Ash - End of the world
63 75 Moby - Extreme ways
68 45 Rooney - When did your heart go missing
70 57 Arctic Monkeys - Flourescent adolescent
73 50 Reverend and the Makers
  - Heavyweight champion of the world

.. 44 Interpol - Mammmoth
.. 51 Twang - Two lovers
.. 54 Mario - How do I breathe
.. 55 Go Team - Doing it right
.. 58 Proclaimers - Life with you
.. 59 Siouxsie - Into a swan
.. 71 Gossip - Standing in the way of control

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16September

This week, we've been watching and hearing...

• Comics Britannia (BBC Bristol for The Fourth Programme) Armando Iannucci looks at the humour numbers - Dandy, Beano, and all that came after. Lots on the Beano from about 1947 to the mid-60s, next to nothing on the Dandy. And very little on the comics' struggles for relevance, something the Beano managed far more successfully. The way interviewees appeared to be in the cartoons was top-rate; the fact that Korky the Cat didn't appear for more than five seconds was not. Series site.
• Lingua Franca - Frequent Coarse Language (ABC Radio National) investigating euphemism, dysphemsism, and exphemisms. They could have called the talk, From Tittivate to Niggardly - the coarsening of language and lost little. Details; audio until 5 October.
• Inspired Minds - James Weeks (Deutsche Welle) In 2002, together with soprano Juliet Fraser, Weeks a new vocal ensemble, Exaudi. He's also a composer in his own right; among his works are a string quartet from 2002, a piece for mixed ensembles based on 17th-century models, and one for solo piano and ensemble. Podcast; showpage; Exaudi.
• The Protestant Revolution (The Fourth Programme) A serviceable documentary; in part one, Tristram Hunt told the story of Martin Luther with verve and panache. He spent the second half discussing Henry VIII and the English Civil War, matters that deserve mention, but were told in an entirely predictable manner. No programme website.

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16September

Mikhail Fradkov has resigned as Russian prime minister, allowing Mr. Poutine free reign to make whatever decisions he wants. Fresh elections to the parliament will take place in December, with presidential elections next March. Mr. Poutine announced the new prime minister would be Mr. Ivan Majorovic.

Shinzo Abe has resigned as Japanese prime minister, after less than a year in office. A string of scandals led to his conservative Liberal Democratic party losing its majority in the upper house in elections last July. Mr. Abe staked his position on allowing the country's navy to remain deployed in Afghanistan, but resigned before the debate.

Former Philippines president Joseph Estrada has been found guilty of corruption and jailed for life. Mr. Estrada was accused of embezzling €60m before being forced from office in January 2001.

The Northern Rock bank applied to the Bank of England for an emergency loan at a penalty rate of interest. This facility was granted, but was not used by the end of the week. Savers with the bank panicked, withdrawing almost £2md (€2.9md) on Friday and Saturday.

We regret to report the death of Jane Wyman, the first person ever to reach the end of their career on the UK singles chart; of Anita Roddick, entrepreneur whose vision remained firmly rooted in the early 1990s; and of Colin McRae, rally driver.

The New Amsterdam tennis open was won by Justin Henin and Roger Federer. The All-Ireland football champions are Kerry, defeating Cork in a one-sided final.

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16September

Another settled and warm week, with autumn clearly holding off. It's the first prolonged spell of settled weather since April.

10 Mo sun               14/19
11 Tu cloud to sun       7/19
12 We sunny spells      13/21
13 Th sun               10/21
14 Fr cloud to sun      13/17
15 Sa sun                5/19
16 Su cloud              8/19

Rainfall in September: 3mm; monthly average: 61mm

Degree cooling days: 87
2006: 348/360
2005: 235/238
2004: 198/198
2003: 315/328

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