20August

British soldiers in Cyprus beat up a tourist. Students were revolting over proposals to introduce tuition fees at universities. A poll showed that popular support for the Windsor family fell below 50%. Britain's train companies were given a month to improve their shared telephone enquiry service. Dodi Fayed denied promising to marry a glamorous expat; Kelly Fisher was a model from New Amsterdam. England lost the fifth Test, and with it the Ashes. New Zealand won the tri-nations series. At his farm near Abingdon, Adrian Fisher made the world's largest maze from a field of maize.

(More: Echobelly and David Holmes, but it's mostly the title act)

We'll take this one slowly, because we don't quite believe it ourselves. Highest new entry, straight in at 2, for Chumbawumba. Hmm. Irreverent anarchist pop-punks Chumbawumba have a number two single. No, it still doesn't sound right, ten years on. Chumbawumba signed to major label EMI in 1997, and gave the world the unforgettable song Tubthumping. On the surface, this seems like a simple drinking song, but notes on the UK release of parent album Tubthumper tried to put it down as a radical anthem, with quotes from the McLibel case, a graffito from Paris '68, and an anti-roads protester. Went over everyone's head, that did; a sample from Jeremiah Clarke's Prince of Denmark's March (or Purcell's Trumpet Voluntary, if you're Classic FM) was more obvious, and a nod to the Beatles. Using the opportunity to promote their politics to a wider audience, the Chumbas poured a vat of iced water over John Prescott at the 1998 BPI awards, and frontswoman Alice Nutter appeared on television suggesting that people steal their record from major chains.

All of which leaves Will Smith still at number one for a second week. We have nothing interesting to say about him.

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21August

We'll start with this one, because if we dally, it'll stop being true. Q: What's the difference between the Manchester Buccaneers and a triangle? A: A triangle has three points.

Regular correspondent Quirks muses,

If Central Trains is too large to run as one network, what about South West Trains? That has a clear means of being split into two as well - split it into SW London suburban services (and you could brand this simply SWT, with reference to the SW postcode) and long-distance routes. But what to call a network that radiates from London to Exeter, Weymouth and Portsmouth, along with the occasional service from Brighton westward?

We're looking for a name that could cover the places mentioned, plus Southampton, Salisbury, and Yeovil. Couldn't call it Trains South West, because it doesn't cover Cornwall at all. Can't call it Southern Trains, that's been taken. We've Wiltshire, Somerset, Hampshire. And we can't call it The New Thames Valley Trains, because most of the network drains into other rivers. It's almost as if they should be called the Wessex Trains.

Hurrah! An Emma Forrest mixtape. With the usual insightful comment from Sister Forrest. Brem would not be surprised.

The Indytab has a long and properly generous profile of Konnie Huq. Our local MP took a bunch of school kids to visit Downing Street. Konnie was filming in the street and the kids were far more excited about seeing her than the door of No. 10.

Pop news. A recent Observer music magazine went to see GodBothererFest. We repeat our call for an overtly religious band to release a single and get it into the top 40, if only so that we have yet another reason to laugh at Jay Kay and Or Joel. Meanwhile, Katie Tunstall is off to save the planet then get the girl.

There is a non-canon web episode episode of Skins. Don't forget: to-night's first episode is shit. It gets much better from episode 2.

It's an awfully long time since we've seen a Sunday paper review. We caught one last Sunday, where the critic was criticising Germaine Greer for lambasting Diana Spencer-Windsor. She's a self-publicist through and through, he said, without actually clarifying which woman he was talking about. Then he launched into a rant against Beth Ditto based on her physical appearance, rather than her not-as-good-as-fashion-makes-out music. Half eight is far too early for a double dose of mysoginy. Or however you spell it.

Michael Bond on the success of Paddington Bear.

Samuel Johnson: his writing, his dictionary, and his Lichfield.

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22August

Het Grauniad informs us of some nutjobs who think that advert blocking is theft, so blocking Firefox is the way forward. Webmaster source addresses the direct points, but let's see how we might disagree with their analysis.

(More: Twelve reasons why this is so, including.)

5) Blocking Firefox is not the way forward. Only because Firefox includes modules that block advertisements, and continually update themselves, does this problem arise. Those who prefer the bloated, near-useless, non-compliant, load of corporate uselessness that is Internet Explorer deserve all the opprobium that is coming, quite correctly, their way. These people have no love for community, or for honest work, preferring to grow fat on the innocent mistakes of others.

8) Firefox plus adblock equals communism? Vive la revolution, comrades!

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22August

Good thoughts to those who need them, particularly Rachel From North London.

The Indytab writes on Xfm at ten. Brilliant when it started, went thoroughly crap when taken over by Crapital, recovered some poise in the early years of this century, but squandered it when they gave up on daytime radio earlier this year.

Crooked Timber tries to make sense of Vernon Kay's reduction in interest last week. Still Greek to us, chaps.

The coalition talks in Belg*um go on. The Economist tries to make sense of it all; the sticking point seems to be the balance of power between Flanders, Walloonia, and Belg*um. Compare and contrast with the situation in Scotland at present.

London bus routes, the A-Z. (Or the 1-724 and A10-X80.)

The High Court has found that a murderer's rights would be infringed if he were to be deported following the end of his sentence. Like much of the press, justice minister John Straw is perplexed and plans to appeal. We've not yet seen the court's reasoning, but it appears to be that if the killer is freed on parole, he's no longer a significant risk to society, and people can only be deported within the EU if they are a significant risk. We can, and should, discount the victim's widow, for she would dismiss the justice system in favour of simple revenge. The Ministry of Truth explains further.

The Soup Dragon's smear ladle has been stirred into action by the possiblity of Boris Johnson becoming London's mayor. The Compass group say that Mr. Johnson is Norman Tebbit in a clown's uniform. That's different from Norman Tebbit in a rogue's uniform, such as erstwhile cabinet moron David Plunkett. According to Compass, support for the invasion of Iraq is bad (so why do they support the Soup Dragon?), support for fox hunting is bad (yet they adduce no evidence to find a better method of dealing with foxes), and support for grammar schools is bad (so Compass is in favour of dumbing down. Only way they'll pass off their faves as normal, there.) Compass says, He regularly reverses positions, and this is an extremely serious impediment to running a huge city such as London. Actually, we think that being able to listen to criticism, and admit when one is wrong, is a rather valuable trait in a leader. Better that than cuddling up to islamist terrorists, as Mr. Livingstone has done.

George Monbiot praises the Heathrow camp. We weren't there, we won't pass further comment.

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23August

When they come to make the celebrity version of Sing it Back: Lyric Champion 2007, one of the songs we hope they'll ask Dr. Fox to sing is Axel F. Composed by Harold Faltermeyer, the tune was a number 2 hit in both Germany and the UK in summer 1985, kept off the top by Paul Hardcastle's 19 and Sister Sledge's Frankie, respectively. The work was composed in common time, though the club jockeys claim 117 beats per minute. There is a rather good musical joke in the work: it's all composed in the musical key of F, eliding at various points between F major and F minor. To promote this work, Faltermeyer appeared on Top of the Pops behind decks of synthesisers, pushing buttons and playing keys for all he was worth.

Always regarded as a minor classic of mid-eighties electronica, Axel F has been subject to many re-interpretations over the years. The first came from Techno Cop (Harald Reitinger and Ulrich Fischer), who made a rave version in summer 1992, and were rewarded with a top 30 hit in Germany for their pains. We've not heard this version. Stuart Allen was the man responsible for Clock, makers of cheesy dance-pop in the mid-90s; the group's breakthrough in the UK was a cover of Axel F, a top-ten hit in March 1995; this version has a bit of shouting in the chorus.

Two versions charted in 2001 - DJ Icon and Toxic Twin put their work into Germany's top 40, and Spacecorn had a brief flirtation with the UK top 75. The next major hit version was Axel F 2003, released in 2003 by Murphy Brown and Tony Dawson-Harrison, better known as the Captain Hollywood Project. They'd both been remarkably successful in the eurodance arena ten years earlier, and after a number of less successful projects, including Dawson-Harrison's band O-Town, the pair worked together on this re-make. It was a reasonable hit in Germany, making number 18, but did much better business in Scandinavia.

For completeness, we should briefly mention Jamster's commercial from summer 2005, credited to (or blame heaped upon) The Annoying Thing. A number 3 hit in Germany, four weeks at the top in the UK, and an almost unbearable thirteen weeks heading the French singles list. In their defence, this coincided with the 2005 Canicule.

Axel F is a haunting melody, instantly recognisible, and sampled by people from the KLF downwards. But that's another story for later in the year...

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23August

ROPRA has announced more changes to the singles chart. USB singles will be allowed to count to the chart (minimum retail price: £2.99, maximum storage: 256MB), and so will the one-track CD (target retail price: 99p.) It appears that the new rules finally eliminate the cassette single from eligibility: dominant in 1991, now consigned to history.

Sash! heads for ver Dumper. This has Number Two written all over it.

So, that new Sugababes single, eh? It's seven parts Kelly Clarkson to two parts Cathy Dennis, with just a dash of a riff discarded by The Stereophonics because it threatened to make them sound interesting. In short: a hit. That said, what have the Babes ever done that wasn't genius or for Comic Relief? Nothing!

The Kitten Kommissar writes about the obstruction of cycle lanes. We're particularly taken with one of the responses.

Caroline Lucas calls for the Green party to have a single leader. Quite possibly, herself.

Miles Kington argues that repressive regimes thrive on the oxygen of hatred.

Radio news: Guardian Media Group has repeated its commitment to local radio by, er, syndicating the Mark Goodier mid-morning show from London to the East and West midlands, and central Scotland. Three local DJs will be lost from the schedules.

More radio news, and GMG's digital arm has announced its replacement for Capital Dismal, closed by the short-sighted beancounters in Swindon over the summer. They're going to put out United Christian Broadcasters, who will offer the music-and-speech UCB UK and the mostly music UCB Inspirational as two 64kpbs monophonic streams. The stations won't take to the air until October, but we already know that they will sound utterly rubbish. Music at 64kbps always sounds utterly rubbish.

Moron the increasingly bizarre case of the murderer who won't be deported, and for once it really is a bunch of Morons, in the Piers sense of the word. According to the prison officers, people who actually know their prisoner, he's been hounded by the tabloid press while on escorted visits out of jail. That would be the same tabloid press who are now whipping up a furore, and saying that he's certain to commit more crimes. Why might he do that? Because he's being hounded by the tabloid press, silly! The only way to solve this conundrum is to close down the Daily Hell. Well, it's not the only way, but it is the best.

If you think the financial uncertainty in the west is bad, be thankful that you're not facing an inflation rate of 7634.8% per annum. To put that in perspective, something that cost £1.33 last August bank holiday would now cost £100.

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26August

All change in Germany, as Culcha Candela lands at number one with Hamma!. Rave icons Scooter enter at 10 with The question is what is the question, their twentieth top ten hit. Though they've only had one chart-topper - 2002's Nessaja - That's more than any other German band, and more than such folk as the Rolling Stones (fifteen top tenners) and Michael Kiddyfiddler Jackson (eighteen). Nena's into the top 20 with Mach die augen auf. Three months on from Eurovision, Dancing lasha tumbai is turning into the Big Hit. Straight in at 6 in France, and top five in Finland. It's all too rare for something big to come out of Denmark - two and a quarter years in the top five still haven't given Trine Dyrholm a moment's attention - but Junior Senior might make it big with a cover of Soft Cell and David Gray's Say hello, wave goodbye.

20 15 Monrose - Hot summer
19 NE Nelly Furtado - In god's hands
18 18 Christophe Willem - Double je
17 12 Mika - Grace Kelly
16 16 Azad - Prison break anthem
15 NE Ich + Ich - Von sielbern stern
14 NE K T Tunstall - Hold on
13 14 Amy MacDonald - Mr. Rock 'n' roll
12 17 Mark Medlock - You can get it
11  6 Enrique Iglesias - Do you know?
10 10 Plain White Ts - Hey there Delilah
 9  7 Marquess - Vayamos campeneros
 8 11 David Guetta - Love is gone
 7  8 Mika - Big girl (you are beautiful)
 6 13 Robyn - With every heartbeat
 5  2 Åvril Lavignnesøn - When you're gone
 4  5 Stacey Ferguson - Big girls don't cry
 3  3 Mika - Relax (take it easy)
 2  4 Timberyokel - The way oi are
 1  1 Rihanna - Umbrella

26August

ROPRA has disqualified Midas's Red shoes from number 60. Their offence, it appears, is being big in Stourbridge. Chris Brown is the beneficiary, Wall to wall enters at 75. Jonny Trunk and Wisby tried to get a hit on downloads, but The ladies' bras can only make 70. It's 36 seconds in duration (we can't say length), making it the shortest hit single ever. Remi Nicole puts Go Mr sunshine in at 57, some places adrift of Mr rock 'n' roll. Moby's Extreme ways re-enters at 45, for no adequately explained reason. It was originally a number 39 hit five years ago.

Surprise for K T Tunstall, slipping already, and she's not released yet. R. Kelly drops to 38 with his latest single. It's now six weeks in the top 40 without rising about 26, a feat that was very common in the 60s, common in the 70s, and was happening more often than not until 1986. Since then, only Keith Sweat's I want her and Marc Almond's Tears run rings (both number 26 hits, spending six weeks in the 40 during 1988) have done it.

In at 33 come Maximo Park, their one song is this time called Girls who play guitars. Over the hedge at Linkin Park, Bleed it out enters at 29.

The battle this week is between Elvis Presley and Rihanna. The living screecher holds down positions 15 and 14, her second back-to-back in consecutive weeks, equalling the Fray's feat in late June. Elvis, meanwhile, is having two singles released each week: this week's are Blue suede shoes (13) and My baby left me (19), they join Suspicious minds in the top 30, but short of the 10. Only the last of those three is earning performance royalties for the Presley Estate, the other two recordings were made in 1956 and are now in the public domain. And, just to add to the confusion, My baby... is released on Memphis, and not his official re-release cows RCA; Memphis, it appears, are only paying the songwriting royalties, making this the first public domain sound recording ever to become a hit single. And how come Radio 1 is playing these records that are older than all its presenters? Even Rod MacKenzie is younger than this mess.

Someone we thought had stopped making hits, but hasn't, is Craig David. He was absurdly popular in 2000, far bigger than his very mediocre talent deserved. We vaguely remembered his not-quite-as-successful comeback in 2003, but had completely blanked his brace of top 5 hits in late 2005. Anyway, he's back with Kano on This is the girl, but can only make 24. Many years late, but The Dumper catches up with everyone. Kaiser Chiefs move in at 22 with The angry mob, which may be a satire on people who read and believe the Daily Hell. Freeks come in at 21 with The creeps, which probably is a satire on people who read and believe the Daily Hell.

Eve's Tambourine jangles up 17 places to 18 on physical release. 26 New Pence climbs from 23 to 10, Hard-Fi move up 5 to 7. Top five: Gym Class Heroes up three to 5, Timberyokel drops one to 4, Robyn's down one to 3, Sean Kingston has the highest new entry at number 2, and that's the best description of his record. That lets Kayne West klingon for a second, completely undeserved week at the top.

Congrats to Newton Faulkner, Hand Built By Robots climbs to take the number one album, deposing Elvis Presley. Richard Hawley has the highest new entry at 6 with Lady's Bridge, the Pigeon Detectives crash the top 10, Daughtry's eponymous album is in at 13, and Darren Hayes puts This delicate Thing We've Made in at 14. Kaiser Chiefs (29-16) and Snore Patrol (17-40) have big climbs. Lower down, Rilo Kiley are in at 34 with Under the Blacklight, Mia's Kala enters at 39 - it's the top 75 debut for both acts. David Guetta has Pop Life at 44, Aiden's Conviction is in at 45, Rodrigo y Gabriela enter at 53, and the second hits compilation for TLC can only make 57. Still better than Kula Shaker's Strange Folk, in at 69. Ten years ago, Q magazine readers thought they made the best album of all time, ever. Kee hee hee.

 3  2 Robyn - With every heartbeat
 7 12 Hard-Fi - Suburban knights
11 10 Newton Faulkner - Dream catch me
20 15 Hoosiers - Worried about Ray
25 19 Mika - Big girl (you are beautiful)
27 18 Åvril Lavignnesøn - When you're gone
31 25 Amy MacDonald - Mr. rock 'n' roll
32 21 Mario - How do I breathe
39 34 KT Tunstall - Hold on
40 31 My Chemical Romance - Teenagers
41 32 Arctic Monkeys - Flourescent adolescent
45 re Moby - Extreme ways
46 38 Ben's Brother - Let me out
** NE Midas - Red shoes
60 re Newton Faulkner - Teardrop
62 63 Mika - Grace Kelly
71 57 Åvril Lavignnesøn - Girlfriend
72 60 Reverend and the Makers
  - Heavyweight champion of the world
73 49 Jack Penate - Once and never happy hour again

.. 41 Elliot Minor - Jessica
.. 72 Richard Hawley - Tonight the streets are ours
.. 73 Darren Hayes
  - On the verge of something wonderful

26August

This week, we've been watching and hearing...

• The Secret Life of the Motorway (The Fourth Programme) Three one-hour documentaries; the first exploring the development of the motorway network. We liked the section on building the M-62 across the Pennines, and the experiences of an AA patrol man. Ooh, your big end's gone. Also liked the digression into road signs.
  Episode 2 covered the service station (including the naughtiness at Newport Pagwell), the rise and fall of hitch-hiking, traffic reports on the steam wireless, raves, the new towns, and shopping.
  Episode 3 was the protests, beginning with one in Leicester, then the London Box, the undermining of public enquiries, Friends of the Earth selling off a field in 3000 matchbox-sized plots, and only in the last quarter the Twyford Down and Newbury protests. Clips of Borough Elections 70, The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and the soundtrack of BBC Windmill 24.
• Eddie Shah (on Simon Mayo, Radio 5) discussing his plans for sustainable wood-framed homes. Mayo rather let himself down by getting hung up on the fact that the proof of concept was constructed as holiday homes. Shah's main stumbling block is the lack of land, the existing building companies have bought up huge tracts of greenfield and brownfield land, and hold them, unbuilt, to choke off supply. The answer, surely, is a gradual land tax with exemptions so that all but the largest estates pay little or nothing.
• Exhibit A (RN) on the zine. There's a shop in Melbourne where they sell nothing but zines. Appropriately, it's in an underground station.

26August

The Australian government has been rebuked for revoking the working visa of Dr. Haneef. He was held for eleven days in July, accused of supporting a car-crash at Greenock Aerodrome, but was freed when the prosecuter determined there was no case to answer. Kevin Andrews, the federal minister for Keeping the Darkies Out, had Dr. Haneef removed from the country by cancelling his permission to work. This last decision has been overturned by the court.

Forest fires in Greece killed at least 35 people.

Three British soldiers were killed when "friendly" aircraft dropped a bomb on their vehicle.

Former Panamanian president Manuel Noriega is to face extradition proceedings to France. Sr. Noriega was captured by invading forces in 1989, and a show trial in Miami sentenced him to ten years in jail. This broke the Geneva convention for prisoners of war. Now, the French have asked for Sr. Noriega so that he can answer money laundering questions in their country. This also breaks the Geneva convention, so courts in the pirate cove have no qualms.

A child of 11 was shot dead in Liverpool. Summer 2007 may be remembered for the perceived breakdown of law and order; as bad as the shootings have been, they are newsworthy precisely because they are so rare. Summer 2007 may well be remembered for the atrocious weather, flooding of the sort we might reasonably expect once in a century. If there's one thing summer 2007 won't be remembered for, it's a massive outbreak of foot and mouth disease: three weeks after the first reports, exclusion zones have been lifted around the two infected farms.

26August

Unlike the last three years, this week has been settled, sunny, and warm. High pressure dominated, with the storms pushed well to the north. With it being late August, the sun is only up for about 14 hours, and isn't able to lift temperatures as high as it can earlier in the summer. Dry winds helped to moderate the heat, and a swing to northerly winds on Sunday took much of the edge.

20 Mo cloud to sun      11/18
21 Tu sunny spells      13/18
22 We sun               13/21
23 Th sun               11/24
24 Fr sun               12/23
25 Sa sun                9/26
26 Su sun               14/20

Rainfall in August: 57mm; monthly average: 69mm

Degree cooling days: 78
2006: 309/360
2005: 182/238
2004: 172/198
2003: 285/328