23July

In each summer, there's one week when there are no significant new releases, when sales fall, old records climb, and strangeness abounds. In 1997, this is the week.

We could never accuse the Super Furry Animals of laziness - The international language of screaming, new at number 24, was their seventh different top 50 hit since the beginning of 1996. The Furries had formed in Cardiff in 1993, and approached the game with wit and whimsy. Not for them the over-earnestness of Catatonia, nor the near-unlistenable schlock of 60 Foot Dolls. The group released a couple of EPs in Welsh during 1995, and signed to Creation Records at the end of the year. First album Fuzzy Logic was packed full of melodies, from the staccatto If you don't want me to destroy you to the shoutalong Something 4 the weekend (not to be confused with the Divine Comedy's Something for the weekend, released on the same day.) The group's second album, Radiator, would come out in August 1997, with this as the lead single. They've released five more albums and a singles collection in the years since, with another due before the end of the year. We particularly recommend 2001's Rings Around the World. The group's had 20 singles, but have yet to crack the top 10 of the singles chart.

(More: the week's news, the winner of the Barlow v Williams contest, the highest new entry, and why Delerious? should release a new single.)

No move at number 6 for Sash!, and Ultra Nate is back up three to 5. Coolio slips to 4, swapping places with Gala. The big surprise is that Oasis's bubble has burst: after just one week at the top, Do you know what I mean is down to number 2. The group can attract its hard-core fans, but casual buyers prefer I'll be missing you, which returns for a fourth week as the country's best-seller.

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24July

A tenth consecutive roll-over in the Irish lotto, and the jackpot is heading towards €13 million.

If you're going to celebrate St. Patrick's Day on 17 March next year, you will be wrong. It's moving to 15 March for one year only. Of course, if the Ratfans had followed their procedure to the letter, St. Paddy's day would move to the first quiet day after Easter – 1 April!

Cultural critic Quirks commented,

I'll give him Crazy, I for one think it's a good 'un though dented by ubiquity a year on. Umbrella, though, is destined to be remembered in decades to come as a fixture on 'how was this so popular?' lists. It's just about earwormed me now, but only because it's impossible to avoid.

Of the ubiquitious songs of the last three summers, Umbrella is worst, Crazy best, and You're Beautiful is nearer the latter than the former.

We have no love at all for Crazy, a work that put all sorts of influences into a blender, cooked the dissected innards for an hour at gas mark 8, then served the burnt offering. If it is, Umbrella would be remembered as the moment when the singles chart finally stopped being relevant to anyone outside the music biz and people who like charts for charts' sake.

Our ranking of the Big Hits of the Last Four Summers:
4) Umbrella
3) You're biscuity
2) Obviously
1) Hips don't lie

Silly names on the football pitch.

Just five years after it opened, Toronto may close its newest underground line. The Sheppard line is included in a package of budget-trimmings announced after the city council decided to reduce its funding by C$100 million (€69 million) next year. However, the TTC has put the cuts on hold, lest it can make budget cuts elsewhere.

In the years before JKR O'wling, there was JH E-wing. She wrote children's fiction that captured the imagination of the English-speaking world, yet is now almost forgotten. Except for two of the tales – The Brownies, adopted by the Girl Guides for their younger branch; and Jackanapes, immortalised in a song by St. Rolf D'Harris.

Currybet on what will happen when the BBC Eye-player launches. We'll ignore it, because it doesn't support our esoteric system. And it won't have every episode of Blue Peter ever made.

The utter imbecility of Kontera. Do we smell another search-engine bomb?

Dear Mr. Burden. Now that you don't need to be the MP who looks most like Harry Potter, can you have a quiet word in the Soup Dragon's ear? Some of us would rather like to do the honourable thing for those Iraqi people who have assisted the occupation force, and will require protection following the UK's withdrawal. We messed it up, we need to take these people in, and we need to grant them refugee status here.

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24July

An organisation of aircraft pilots said that they are being made scapegoats for carbon dioxide emissions. BALPA says air travel accounts for only 2-3% of global carbon dioxide emissions. The group's chairman, Mervyn Granshaw, claimed that the latest jets are more carbon efficient than the newest high-speed trains on longer journeys.

Two points from this: first, airlines are already noticing changes in passenger behaviour. 60% of people say they might be prepared to fly less to help the environment, 25% are prepared to fly less, and 10% have already reduced their flights. Obviously, fewer passengers will translate into fewer flights, which will translate into fewer airline pilots, which will translate into fewer members of BALPA.

And second, that claim that planes produce less carbon dioxide than trains is a complete load of nonsense. Virgin Trains claims (in a 6 June 2007 press release) that its trains emit 76% less CO₂ than the same trip by plane, and cites a study by Edinburgh Centre for Carbon Management Ltd., an independent consulting company, based on flights between London, Manchester, Liverpool, and Glasgow. The Advertising Standards Authority upheld the factual accuracy of this claim.

(More: Facts are thin on the ground, and thinner in the air – 550 words)

At the very least, though, the pilots are giving a deliberately misleading impression. Very few people would take a train from (say) Glasgow to Constantinople – it's a journey of not much under three days, and travellers run the risk of the city changing its name before they arrive. A fair comparison is on routes where the train and the plane are in direct competition, such as Glasgow to London. Here, on average, short-haul flights emit about seven times as much carbon dioxide per passenger as the comparable train journey.

Is carbon dioxide the end of the argument? No, but studies have been done into this area. The total externalities for trains are slightly less than half of those for planes. This complete consideration leaves some scope for short-haul routes – for instance, Exeter and Swansea are about 100km apart as the crow flies, but almost 250km by rail. A fully-laden plane would be no more than twice as polluting as the train, far less damaging than a car, and incur lower net externalities than either.

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25July

Timeless Myths, a quick reference guide to European mythology (Greco-Roman, Norse, Celtic, Arthurian) and the links between them. See, f'rinstn's, the iconic Loki. More old Norse: Northvegr.org.

Oh no! Oh no! You've got it all wrong! Joe Gormley's cracking down on chewing gum. The new Irish minister for the environment insists that the companies that make chewing gum should foot the bill for its removal from the streets. If they don't, he'll bring in a Gum Tax from the start of 2009. He's also increasing the fine for littering to €150 (£100) from this September.

Jackie Ashley has also got it all wrong: she thinks that the recent floods are an aspect of global warming. Um, no. The amount of rain that fell last week was exceptional, but we can expect it to happen in any given place about once every 20, 25 years. We don't deny the many symptoms of global warming, but this is not amongst them. The floods are a symptom of Labour's inability to govern.

Milesh Kingshton goes (hic!) in searsh of the mosht alcofrolic (hic!), the mosht alcofrolic..... drink in the pub.

Cliff Richard is in a foul mood, as the government has declined to extend copyright in recordings beyond the current 50 years. The scaremongers, led by Roger Daltry of a group aptly called Who, says that this move will put people off recording works. What arrant nonsense: the number of records still earning a crust after so long is phenomenally small. Who, to-day, could hum the chorus of Yes, to-night, Josephine? The song was a number one for Johnny Ray in 1957, and hence out of copyright next January.

R. Kelly has announced his new plan for Britain's railways. There's no support for the TGV line between London, Birmingham, Manchester, and points north, nor for the Crossrail tunnel under London. The high-speed line would provide real competition for the railways, but the young lad just doesn't have the balls to ask the Soup Dragon for more. Instead, he's taken his penknife to government spending on the rails, saying that the farebox should make £3 in every £4 of revenue by 2015, compared with the current £2. Again, raising fares is not the way forward, and is no way to beat global warming. Master Kelly promised a new station for Reading, offering more and longer platforms, and to put a brass farthing in the collection box for the Neuneustraßebahnhofrefurbishmentprojekt. He also promised to build a southern entrance for Blackfriars station, and enhancements to London Bridge station to allow for 24 Thameslink trains per hour, a substantial increase from the current 8. Railways master Christian Wolmar declared that this is little more than saying, I don't give a fig, and told Master Kelly to report for detention.

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26July

Die Gerd Show was the brainchild of Elmar Brandt, and was a daily satire sketch broadcast on WDR's Eins Live programme from 1999 until 2005. Herr Brandt led a small crew who would pretend to be Bundeschancellor Herr Schröder, and various other political and celebrity figures.

One of the most popular segments was the team's re-working of current pop songs into satires. Nothing new to us Brits, of course – witness Philip Pope's Pops from Radio Active and Spitting Image. Some of these songs came out as singles, led by FKK (Everybody's free to wear gar nichts) (FKK (Jeder frei zum zu tragen nothing at all)), a number 20 hit in late 1999. The show's biggest release was Der Steuersong (The tax song), the Christmas number one for 2002, ripping off Asereje.

Four years before Las Ketchup made it to Eurovision, Die Gerd Show made it to the German national final. Alles wird gut (Everything will be good) came last in the final three, and Lou's Let's get happy went on to Riga, where she finished fifteen positions ahead of the UK entry.

Die Gerd Show ended after the national elections of 2005, when Herr Schröder was replaced by Frau Merkel. Their final top 20 hit, from April 2005, was a re-versioning of Schnappi, das kleine Krokodil, under the title Schri-schrai-Schrödi (Schri-schrai-Schrödi).

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27July

It's another week, it's another Irish lottery rollover. The eleventh in succession. Wednesday's top prize was €13.3m; we suggest €16m for Saturday's draw. That's popular.

The removal of Wok No Viewers from The Cable Corp is nearing completion, as TCC confirmed that it would be carrying a sports news channel from Setanta. The channel will launch in time for the start of the new Division I season on 11 August. It's worth noting that the Setanta channels are now in something over two million homes, now that enhanced cable subscribers receive the channels without an extra charge. Wok's programmes may soon become the third sports channels.

Big news from St John's, where there's a spider on the webcam.

Mainstreamness of UK radio stations for w/e 22 July

Radio 1: 27.04%
Radio 2: 15.48%
6Music: 28.21%
1xtra: 11.32%
Virgin 1215: 32.73%
Virgin Extreme: 37.02%

Quirks asked,

Easter on March 23? Lawks, is that the earliest it can possibly fall?

According to a strict interpretation of the definition, no. Easter falls on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the March equinox. However, the March equinox is not the moment in March when the sun is overhead at a local midday on the equator, but is artificially defined to be at the end of 20 March. And the full moon is not the actual full moon, but one based on the approximation where phases repeat after 19 years. In effect, this is a three-year cycle, retreating by seven days in six years.

By a strict definition, it is possible for Easter to fall on 20 March: this happens if the vernal equinox happens on Saturday the 19th, and a full moon after that time, but before midnight. According to those who know about ecclesiastical matters, this is heresy; the earliest Easter is on 22 March, if and only if the ecclesiastical full moon is on Saturday 21 March.

The latest possible Easter is 25 April; this happens if there's an ecclesiastical full moon between Sunday 18 and Tuesday 20 April. It's worth noting that the next Easter in the cycle, 2011, will fall on 24 April. The late date last occurred in 1943, and next happens in 2038; the early date last happened in 1818, and won't recur until 2285. We leave it as an exercise for the reader to work out why the early boundary condition has a 300-year return period, the late a 100-year return. More: National Maritime Museum, ASSA.

Radio news: Capital Radio has bought UBC's Classic Gold network of medium-wave transmitters, and will broadcast the same programme as on the Capital Gold transmitters. These channels have almost half-a-dozen listeners, making them only twice as popular as Wok Sparts.

GWR and Capital have given notice that they wish to sell off the DAB space used by their Core and Life stations. GWR and Capital have advertised the 160 Kbps used by the two stations, which have been broadcasting in unsatisfactorily rubbish mono since last year, and fired all their DJs in the spring.

The Digital One group has also found that BT will terminate its data transmissions on the radio waves in June next year. This follows the shocking revalation that broadcast television over mobile telephones is even less popular than Wok Sparts. We've found it!

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29July

Medlock and Bohlen regain top spot in Germany from Monrose, with Azad's Prison break anthem coming from nowhere to land at number 3. Bizarre scenes in Norway, where Metallica put three of their oldies – Nothing else matters, Sad but true, and Enter sandman into the top ten. All of the tunes were originally released on the group's eponymous 1991 album, and we've no idea why they're suddenly so popular again. Christophe Willem recovers the number one in France, performing Double je. Timberland takes the top spot in Ireland, but the news is of two big new entries – Aslan's Here comes the sun at 5, and Journey's Don't stop believing at 6. Rihanna makes the top ten, Aftermath and Mika the twenty. Kate Ryan's new hit is a cover of Voyage voyage, somewhat larger for Desireless in 1988. Dima Bilan's newie, Number one fan, is number 11 in Latvia. Brudevalsen is number one in Denmark for Teddy Pedersen; the song is in its 51st week on the country's top 20. Down at the bottom of the chart is the proof that Danes do have a sense of humour: David Lee Roth's Crazy from the heat. This week's number one in Finland is Hetkeksi en sulle rupia by Lauri Tähkä.

20 NE Jack Penate - Torn on the platform
19 12 Gregory Lemarchal - De temps en temps
18 NE Amy MacDonald - Mr. Rock 'n' roll
17 NE Arctic Monkeys - Flourescent adolescent
16 15 Michael Bublé - Everything
15 13 Marquess - Vayamos campeneros
14 16 Mark Medlock - You can get it
13 NE Mika - Big girl (you are beautiful)
12 17 Christophe Willem - Double je
11  9 Monrose - Hot summer
10 10 Mutya Buena - Real girl
 9  8 Mika - Grace Kelly
 8 11 Timberland - The way oi are
 7  5 Linkin Park - What I've done
 6  7 Stacey Ferguson - Big girls don't cry
 5  6 Nelly Furtado - Say it right
 4  4 Enrique Iglesias - Do you know?
 3  3 Mika - Relax (take it easy)
 2  2 Åvril Lavignnesøn - When you're gone
 1  1 Rihanna - Umbrella

29July

Last week, Rihanna retained the top spot by just 131 sales in 22,000. And ROPRA has revised its rules, so that current top 40 hit singles can appear on the B-side of a new release, but only if the mix or version hasn't been physically released before. For those acts who have precisely one song, it's good news; Daniel Powter, for instance, whose second single Free loop was disqualified because it contained a live version of Bad day.

Just eight new entries into the top 75 this week; one of the records diving out is from The Friendless Thrills, who just scraped into the top 40 last week, and are short of the top 100 this. Ha ha ha ha ha. Etc. One newie, one re-entries, and an old fart still lingering means Amy Whingebag ties with Mika for three in the top 75. She is responsible for keeping Amanda Bynes out of the top 75, out of the next Hit Singles book. Penelope Taynt: the Whingebag woman is the one to take out.

Daniel Merriweather and Clitring Aguilera re-enter the top 75, and Gwen Stiffeny's Sweet escape bounces back up twenty-odd places to 41. Just two other new entries outside the top 50: Shirley Bassey's cover of Get the party started is in at 47; we never rated the original, but this is even worse. Nine Black Alps will be growling, as Burn faster flames out at 42. They have, at least, overtaken the Fray's How to save a life, which drops to 46, and hopefully will never be played again on the chart show.

Five new entries and two chart entries in the 40, beginning with Funeral For A Friend (Walk away) and Yves Larock (Rise up) in the bottom two places. Maroon 5 continue to bore the pants off everyone, and move back up. Amerie, ditto. For no adequately explored reason, Take That's previous single, Shine, bounces back into the chart at 29; apparently, it's being used in a television commercial for a store that needs to suffer Allied Carpets bombing. It's the song's eighteenth week in the top 40, and it joins the short list of songs to have re-entered twice - remarkably, Chasing cars has only returned to the top end the once, and Grace Kelly not at all.

The Plain White Ts come up from 70 to 26. The song is called Hey there Delilah, and leaves us wondering why? Why? WHY? Green Dull's version of Theme from The Simpsons lands at 19, a very apt combination of band and subject matter. From one of the shortest tracks ever to make the top 20 - just 83 seconds and it's done - to one of the longest, as Rihanna's Shut up and drive moves up from 65 to number 18. She has, of course, been at the top for the past forty days and forty nights (and thirty more), but not as long as Blue Monday, the New Order track that forms the basis for this guff. The original is still the best.

Newton Faulkner is the second singer-songwriter to make their debut in as many weeks, with Dream catch me coming in at 16. He's from the deeply unsexy Guildford. The deeply sexy Amy MacDonald slips to 13 - consensus seems to be that the three-note ascending hook at the start of the chorus reminds people of Ring of fire, but we reckon it's the lifelines from Who Wants to be a Millionaire?.

Can the Manics become the first act in chart history to have four hits in a row peak at number 2? No, as Autumnsong can only enter at position 10. Groove Armada and Mutya Buena climb from 13 to 8 on full release. Then there's no move at 7 for Scrappy, 6 (Hoosiers), 5 (Enrique), 4 (Ferguson). But Rihanna's utterly tedious Umbrella drops to number 3, which can only mean that there's a new number one. It's from Timberland, as Katherine Nash is stuck at 2. A shame, not least because we do like British talent to do well, even when it's rather well hidden. Anyway, young Katherine joins the short list of people to spend four weeks at number 2 without hitting the top - the first to do so since Destiny's Child's Lose my breath was held at bay in late 2004.

Paul Potts holds on at the top of the album chart, with Timberland tfrom 5 to 2, Mika, Kings of Leon, and the Wilburys are top five. Garbage's singles collection is the highest new entry at 11, with Sum 41 in at 46. The Thrills only make 48, and we repeat our laughter from earlier.

 6  6 Hoosiers - Worried about Ray
 7  7 Åvril Lavignnesøn - When you're gone
 9 14 Mika - Big girl (you are beautiful)
10 NE Manic Street Preachers - Autumnsong
12 10 My Chemical Romance - Teenagers
13 12 Amy MacDonald - Mr. rock 'n' roll
14  9 Arctic Monkeys - Flourescent adolescent
16 NE Newton Faulkner - Dream catch me
24 21 Jack Penate - Once and never happy hour again
30 29 Reverend and the Makers
  - Heavyweight champion of the world
31 33 Mutya Buena - Real girl
37 22 Enemy - Had enough
40 NE Funeral For A Friend - Walk away
42 NE Nine Black Alps - Burn faster
50 41 Mika - Grace Kelly
51 56 Mika - Love to-day
55 59 Åvril Lavignnesøn - Girlfriend
59 62 Fray - Over my head
61 47 Kelly Clarkson - Never again
62 re Daniel Merriweather - Stop me
68 42 Holloways - Generator
70 51 Editors - Smokers outside the hospital doors

.. 50 Garbage - Tell me where it hurts
.. 58 Cherry Ghost - People help the people
.. 61 Gossip - Standing in the way of control
.. 63 White Stripes - Icky thump
.. 68 Bloc Party - Hunting for witches
.. 71 Calvin Harris - Acceptable in the eighties
.. 73 Goodbooks - Passchendaele

29July

This week, we've been watching and hearing...

• Mastermind / University Challenge - a teensy-weensy bit tedious. An hour is a long time.
• Round Britain Quiz which deals in Keith Chegwin and the rock group Boston.
• Peter and Dan Snow's 20th Century Battlefields, with Peter playing in a really big sandpit, the real Kuwait.
• Coast, following the trail of Christopher Columbus.
• Tour de France Ligget avoids mentioning the boos until it's obvious.
• The Daily Mayo Murray, discussing hubris with David Owen, and mountains with Griff Rhys Jones.
• Lingua France, The Language of Spells. Hanging off he-who-shall-be-granted-a-cameo-in-the-opening-episode-then-studiously-ignored, Lyn Gallacher discusses the difference between interlocutory and common-or-descriptive words. Transcript; audio to 10 August.
• Feedback this week looking at the changes to Radio 2's evening schedule (necessary to keep the schedule fresh and not to attract new listeners, oh no); Marcus Brigstocke's religious rant on The Now Show (cheers 100, complaints 0. Seriously.); and the changing role of Farming To-day.

29July

The ruling AKP won the general election in Turkey, securing a bigger share of the vote (though fewer seats) than its last victory. Prime minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan said that he wanted to advance Turkey's claims to EU membership, and pledged to govern from the centre. Turkey has been unstable in recent months, with deadlock between government and opposition over a new president.

Ottis Gibson took all ten wickets as Durham dismissed Hampshire for 115. It's only the 77th time this has ever happened in first-class cricket, and the first time in England since 1994. Match scorecard.

Australia has dropped charges against a doctor who was accused of helping cause a recent traffic accident at Greenock Aerodrome. He has been released after it transpired that his mobile telephone was not being used in Glasgow, but was actually in Liverpool. What's two hundred miles at this distance? asked the Australian police. Though completely clear of all charges, the doctor's work visa has been revoked by the interior minister.

29July

The dominant feature remained the showers airflow: high pressure over the Azores and central Europe continued to push all the rain towards the UK.

23 Mo showers, cloud    10/18, 4.5
24 Tu sun               10/20
25 We rain o/n, sun     11/19, 4.5
26 Th rain to sun       14/17,18.5
27 Fr breeze, showers   12/20, 1.0
28 Sa sun               11/20
29 Su sun               11/18

Rainfall in July: 181mm; monthly average: 69mm

Degree cooling days: 43
2006: 273/360
2005: 143/238
2004: 78/198
2003: 159/328