14May

For the first time in 44 weeks - back to June last year - there are no Spice Girls songs in the top 40; their most recent hit, Mama/Who do you think you are was the victim of the biggest clear-out in chart history. Thirty new entries into the top 75, including 19 into the top forty. And three re-entries - U2's Discotheque landed at 72, Boyz One's Isn't it a wonder at 67, and the Spices' Two become one at 54.

(More: Revolutions in London and Zaire, the end of Billy Bragg, Paul Young, and Sinéad O'Connor, and the beginning of S Club 7)

New in at number nine came the Eels, performing Susan's house. The key to this song is the sample from Love finds a way, as recorded by Gladys Knight and the Pips in the mid-70s. But it would be nothing without the acutely aware lyrics, painting a picture in word and sound alone. The use of vocal changers helps, but we reckon the song would still work without them.

New at number 3 came London soul-funk band Damage, with an oily cover of Eric Clapton's Wonderful tonight. The Cardigans never quite had a UK number one, but came within 2000 sales this week; Lovefool rose from 4 to 2. Blocking the Swedes were a group from Sheffield who had twice stalled agonisingly short of the top 40. When first released in September 1996, You're not alone had stopped at number 42, denied a place at the top table by long-runners from Toni Braxton and Tony Rich. Eight weeks ago, Miracle had made it to number 41. Now Olive came from nowhere to put the re-released You're not alone in as the UK's best seller.

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15May

Matt T asks if there were more resignations from the Blair cabinets than from the Major or Thatcher ones. Let's look at the exits from the cabinet, excluding general reshuffles at the behest of the PM:

Thatcher (17)
=============
1/81 Norman St-John Stevas (policy)
4/82 Peter Carrington (principle)
1/83 John Nott (to retire)
10/83 Cecil Parkinson (dishonour)
9/84 Francis Cockfield (EEC commission)
9/84 Jim Prior (policy)
1/86 Michael Heseltine (principle)
1/86 Leon Brittain (dishonour)
5/86 Keith Joseph (to retire)
10/87 Michael Havers (health)
1/88 Willie Whitelaw (health)
10/89 Nigel Lawson (principle)
1/90 Norman Fowler (see footnotes)
5/90 Peter Walker (to retire)
7/90 Nicholas Ridley (dishonour)
11/90 Geoffrey Howe (principle)
11/90 Margaret Thatcher (to retire)

Major (6)
=========
9/92 David Mellor (dishonour)
5/93 Norman Lamont (policy)
6/95 John Redwood (principle)
7/95 Douglas Hurd (to retire)
7/95 Johnathan Aitken (legal action)
7/95 Jeremy Handley (policy)

Blair (14)
==========
10/98 Ron Davies (dishonour)
12/98 Peter Mandelson (dishonour)
5/99 Donald Dewar (to Scottish parl)
7/99 Alun Michael (to Welsh Ass)
1/01 Peter Mandelson (dishonour)
5/02 Stephen Byers (dishonour)
10/02 Estelle Morris (policy)
3/03 Robin Cook (principle)
5/03 Claire Short (principle)
9/03 Gareth Williams (death)
9/04 Andrew Smith (see footnotes)
12/04 David Blunkett (dishonour)
11/05 David Blunkett (dishonour)
6/07 Tony Blair (to retire)

Major declined the resignation of Peter Brooke in 2/92; we would have counted it as dishonour.

Counting only resignations over policy, principle, and dishonour, Thatcher had nine in 11½ years, Major four in 6½ years, Blair nine in just over ten years. We're not entirely clear why Fowler went, he cited family reasons at the time, but returned to the party chairmanship (a non-Cabinet post) in 1992. Similarly, it wasn't clear at the time why Smith resigned, or if he will take a senior post (ministerial or otherwise) under the next prime minister.

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16May

It's a surprise to find G****e resorting to the anti-EU rhetoric that's been the calling card of the British tabloid press for the past twenty years. Yet that is the advertising agency's ludicrous explanation for retaining user searches for two years. The behemoth grumbles,

G****e may be subject to the EU Data Retention Directive, which was passed last year [1], in the wake of the Madrid and London terrorist bombings [2], to help law enforcement in the investigation and prosecution of "serious crime". The Directive requires all EU Member States to pass data retention laws by 2009 with retention for periods between 6 and 24 months. Since these laws do not yet exist, and are only now being proposed and debated, it is too early to know the final retention time periods, the jurisdictional impact, and the scope of applicability.

[1] December 2005. Not 2006.
[2] The proposal was first mooted in early 2001, some months before the plane crashes in New Amsterdam, and years before the explosions in Madrid and London.

Here's the rub, and we'll put it in nice, friendly, large letters:

The Data Retention Directive does not apply to search engine queries

Article 5.13 makes it as clear as can be:

This Directive relates only to data generated or processed as a consequence of a communication or a communication service and does not relate to data that are the content of the information communicated.

(Emphasis ours.) The company may have to retain the fact that it was contacted at such-and-such a time, by such-and-such an IP address, for whatever service (web, email, FTP....). But it won't have to retain or reconstruct the page it was asked for, or anything like that. The DRD explicitly excludes search engine queries, the content of emails, the content of files uploaded and downloaded.

That's not to say that authoritarian governments such as those in France or the UK might attempt to use the DRD as cover for their data fishing exploits - indeed, the UK government has already assumed powers far in excess of those in the Directive (but that is another argument). In the absence of actual legislation to the contrary, it is most prudent to assume that the status quo will remain.

It is, of course, cheering to hear that G****e is prepared to respect this piece of European legislation. Will they, we innocently wonder, also be respecting the Data Protection Directive, which insists that data may be kept for no longer than is necessary for the purposes for which the data were collected and that personal data shall be processed in accordance with the rights of data subjects? Because if they do, then we might be able to send something to G****e's email provision and not have it interrogated in order to display commercials. We know of no-one else who does not have a G****e email address, never mind who takes a principled stand and refuses to send to them.

Previously: we compared G****e's privacy policy against the Data Protection Directive, and pointed out the areas where it came up short.

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17May

A brief look at the hit parade shows that Jellyfish have a song at number one. Who, you may ask. Described by some as a psychadelic Squeeze, the 'fish was one of the bands that might have been huge, but never quite made it.

Formed in St. Francisville in the late 1980s, the core of the group was Andy Sturmer and Roger Manning, abetted by a host of session musicians. They composed sugary three-minute pop songs that wouldn't have been out of place twenty years earlier, and have stood the ravages of time since. The group was about three years too early for critical success in the UK; the rock magazines saw the cartoonish image and told them to naff off, while the teen press saw little to excite them, not when they could be writing about New Kids on the Block.

Jellyfish had one top 40 hit in the UK, and then only just; The king is half-undressed crept up to number 39 in the second week of February 1991, four weeks after its original release. The group's next release was Baby's coming back, a number 51 hit in May. Fate further conspired against them as the summer's very minor hit Scary Merry-Go-Round EP (lead track: Now she knows she's wrong) was eclipsed by the very major success of Right Said Fred. A 1993 comeback for Jellyfish was rather scuppered by the fact that they'd never been in the first place, and - barring a budget singles collection in 1999 - that was that.

Until 2007, that is, when McFly delivered an almost note-for-note cover of Baby's coming back. It was an instant number one hit, but looks set to go down in chart history for reasons other than the rather decent nature of the song. Hope Mr. Sturmer and Mr. Manning are enjoying the royalties.

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18May

Do you have a question about public transport in the UK? Why not get one of the largest hive minds, the London Underground, to answer your question?

A reader writes: Dear Underground, While travelling on a Standard Open return, the guard asked to see both parts of the Open return, not just the 'out' bit - saying that this is apparantly part of the regulations for that ticket.

Well, the guard (or ticket inspector, or whatever they're calling them this week) is entitled to ask to see your ticket, and that pertains to all the various coupons (outward and return, but also seat reservations, cabins for the overnight sleeper, ticket for the Motorail train...) He's technically incorrect in saying that this rule only applies to full-fare tickets, the sort that are so expensive you'd be excused for expecting to keep the train once you've finished travelling on it. It applies to all tickets, though it's only ever enforced on full-fare ones.

The logic here is that passengers have to show the unused return portion when travelling on the outward half of a ticket, so that they couldn't get away with using outward and return portions in the wrong order to get around time restrictions. In turn, this reflects a change to the Conditions of Carriage last July:

17. Using a return ticket

A return ticket (including a two-part return ticket) is only valid for the outward journey shown on that ticket if the ticket is completely unused. You may not use the outward part of a return ticket after you have used the return part.

It emerged a few years ago that some people had been buying a cheap ticket, and an expensive one at the same time, and mixing and matching the two half-journies to their advantage. Though legal at the time, the train operators held this to be unreasonable, and amended the rules in their favour. Of course, if Labour actually had anything approaching a public transport policy, this loophole would not be worth exploiting or closing.

Next question!

Dear Underground, What's your chosen route between Kings Cross mainline and Holborn or Chancery Lane?

Probably Picadilly to Holborn, then hoof it. We would consider changing at Finsbury Park if the train stops there, to avoid the worst of the crush at KX. Perhaps the great missing link in the tube network is a line roughly parallel to the Bakerloo, but about a mile and a half further east. If constructed, the proposed Cross River Tram would provide surface transport from KX to Holborn and Aldwych.

If the Underground doesn't know, it will make a connection (allow 60 minutes) and find out. So do write in!

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20May

Bouncey and Shakira return to the top in France, with Charlotte Aux Fraises in at 4 with Rien que du bonheur. There's a 28-second snippet at Infos Jeunes. It may be the longest 28 seconds of your life. No sign of their Eurovision entry from Les Fatals Picards, nor in Germany for Roger Cicero, though he did have a top ten hit back in March after the selection. DJ Ötzi retains the top slot there, with Linkin Park in at 4, and Boys Aloud rising to 11. Kus comes into the top five in the Netherlands performing Mama. Edsilia Rombley is down at position 76. A new number one in Sweden, Frida displacing The Ark, who tumble down to position 6 (or, if you discount votes from neighbours, number 53.) Latvia's new topper is Superhuman performing Jau ta; Bonaparte.lv isn't in the airplay top 50. Akron's Don't matter takes the top in Ireland, Rihanna and Maroon 5 come into the top 11. This week's Finnish number one is Like a superstar by the Dallas Superstars. Lordi's new single, They only come out at night is at number 6, one place ahead of that DJ Bobo nonsense. There's no place in their national charts for Hanna, or the Eurovision entries from Lithuania, Poland, Belgium (in Dutch or Belgian), Ireland, or Estonia (though Gerli was top ten earlier in the year), while the Czechs are languishing at position 77, only one place ahead of No Name...

20 NE Michael Bublé - Everything
19 16 Mark Ronson - Stop me
18 17 DJ Ötzi - Ein stern
17 NE Tori Amos - Big wheel
16 15 Alex Gaudino - Destination Calabria
15  9 Pet Shop Boys - She's Madonna
14 13 Nelly Furtado - All good things
13 14 Arctic Monkeys - Brianstorm
12 18 Manic Street Preachers - Your love alone
11 10 Gwen Stiffeny - The sweet escape
10  5 Mika - Love today
 9 12 Ville Valo and Natalia Avelon - Summer wine
 8 11 Boys Aloud - Ruby
 7  6 Timberland et al - Give it to me
 6  8 Fray - How to save a life
 5  7 Linkin Park - What I've done
 4  4 Nelly Furtado - Say it right
 3  3 Mika - Grace Kelly
 2  2 Beyonce / Shakira - Beautiful liar
 1  1 Åvril Lavignnesøn - Girlfriend

In other news, we're very pleased to hear that Tokio Hotel will be soft-launching their Scream album in English on 4 June.

20May

Not a tremendous amount happening in the bottom half - new Boys Aloud song at 61, N-Dubz in at 57, the Pigeon Detectives at 55. Rufus Wainwright moves up 14 to 54, Willy Mason and Mims are in at 52 and 51, and Mumm-Ra make 41. Bad luck, chaps.

Brazilian band CSS have their biggest UK hit as Let's make love and listen to death creeps in at 39. Verka Seduchka was the Ukranian entry to the recent Eurovision Song Contest, he was the one dressed like a Christmas-tree decoration. By having a top 40 hit, he outperforms the country's 2004 winner Ruslana, whose Wild dances stalled at 47; indeed, we think his is the first Ukranian hit since Mary Hopkin's Those were the days many moons ago. Sophie Ellis-Bextor's Me and my imagination is in at 23, perhaps underperforming there.

Speaking of underperforming, McFly have a record that they really don't deserve: the joint-greatest fall from number 1 ever. Baby's coming back / Transylvania plunges nineteen places from the top to the bottom of the top 20. It ties the record set by a limited-edition Elvis Presley single in January 2005. Here's the complete list of falls from number 1 to 8 or lower.

8 Hello Goodbye - Beatles (21-01-1968)
8 Lonely This Christmas - Mud (12-01-1975)
8 Block Rockin' Beats - The Chemical Brothers (06-04-1997)
8 Blood On The Dance Floor - Michael Jackson (04-05-1997)
8 Fool Again (2000 Remix) - Westlife (09-04-2000)
8 Same Old Brand New You - A1 (19-11-2000)
8 What Took You So Long? - Emma Bunton (22-04-2001)
8 I'll Be Ok - Mcfly (28-08-2005)
9 Christmas Alphabet - Dickie Valentine (01-01-1956)
9 You're Driving Me Crazy - Temperance Seven (28-05-1961)
9 These Boots Are Made For Walkin' - Nancy Sinatra (13-03-1966)
9 Bring Your Daughter...To The Slaughter - Iron Maiden (13-01-1991)
9 Blame It On The Weatherman - B*Witched (28-03-1999)
9 Star Girl - Mcfly (05-11-2006)
10 Only You - Flying Pickets (07-01-1984)
10 Jailhouse Rock - Elvis Presley (16-01-2005)
12 Mary's Boy Child - Harry Belafonte (05-01-1958)
14 It's Now Or Never (O Sole Mio) - Elvis Presley (06-02-2005)
20 One Night / I Got Stung - Elvis Presley (23-01-2005)
20 Baby's Coming Back / Transylvania - Mcfly (20-05-2007)

All the Elvis entries were limited release singles. The Flying Pickets' fall came after sales for the week to 31-12-1983 had been left unrecorded; it is believed possible that they may have fallen to 3 in that week.

From a fast faller to a fast climber: Biffy Clyro has a fifty-three-place climb to 19 with a decent song. The Cribs enter at 17, they're a shouty band championed by Boys Aloud (whose Ruby is still hanging around, and will probably still be hanging around in 2011.) Mutya Buena is the former Sugarbabe who went solo just over a year ago. Her solo debut uses the riff from Lenny Kravitz's It ain't over till it's over. Like we said, 1991 nostalgia is so next year.

Top ten, then, and Booty Love climbs from 25 to 10 with Shine. No relation to any song of the same name, and in ten years time, we'll wonder what we were thinking. Actually, we'll wonder that in ten minutes time. Timberland et el drops two to 9, Scooch come down three to 8, and Akron drops four to 7. Gym Class Heroes rather spoil the mood, dropping two to 6. HelloGoodbye looked like they'd peaked at 10 two weeks ago, but this week bounce back up from 11 to 5. Snore Patrol are up from 17 to 4 with Signal fire, bad news for Reggie Yates there. Bouncey and Shakira drop a place to 3, and Maroon 5 have the fastest climber, from 19 to 2. They're denied by Rihanna's Umbrella, a recording with no noticeable tune, but with a performer whose video contains very little clothing. It's only the second song - after Gnarls Barkley's Crazy - to reach the top on downloads alone.

A new number one on the albums, Linkin Park's Minutes to Midnight takes the best-seller, ahead of Rufus Wainwright's Release the Stars and Funeral for a Friend's Tales Don't Tell Themselves - a rare new 1-2-3. Joe Cocker's Hymn For My Soul enters at 9, and McFly's Motion in the Ocean re-enters at 14 after adding their new single. Amerie (17), Megadeth (23), and the Maccabees (24) have high new entries. Wilco (39) and the best of Bucks Fizz (40) vie for places with Pink Martini (47); there are big climbs for Katherine Jenkins and Simply Red after television exposure last week-end. Scraping into the 75 are Runrig (61), Bobby (68), Battles (70), and Tom McRae (72).

11 NE Mutya Buena - Real girl
14  9 Åvril Lavignnesøn - Girlfriend
16  8 Manic Street Preachers
  - Your love alone is not enough
17 NE Cribs - Men's needs
18 13 Mika - Love to-day
19 72 Biffy Clyro - Nothing is a problem
20  1 McFly - Baby's coming back
22 14 Mark Ronson - Stop me
24 21 Jojo - Anything
26 23 Fray - How to save a life
28 NE Verka Seduchka - Dancing lasha tumbai
31 16 Funeral For A Friend - Into oblivion
32 31 The Enemy - Away from here
34 32 Mika - Grace Kelly
39 67 CSS - Let's make love and listen to death...
41 NE Mumm-Ra - She's got you high
46 33 Arctic Monkeys - Brianstorm
52 NE Willy Mason - We can be strong
55 NE Pigeon Detectives - I'm not sorry
59 46 Calvin Harris - Acceptable in the eighties
60 39 Ross Copperman - All she wrote
64 58 Pink - Leave me alone
67 65 Gossip - Standing in the way of control
71 re Twang - Wide awake
75 64 Just Jack - Stars in their eyes

.. 47 Meat Loaf - Cry over me
.. 49 Maccabees - Precious time
.. 54 Laura - Release me
.. 59 Massimo Park - Our velocity
.. 68 Rufus Wainwright - Going to a town
.. 69 Beverley Knight - No man's land
.. 73 Mika - Lollipop
.. 75 Killers - Read my mind

20May

This week, we've been watching and hearing...

• Panorama (BBC-1), in which John Sweeney goes in search of the truth about scientology. After a week of goading the reporter - walking out of interviews, interrupting other discussions, setting people to tail the reporter - the cult's apologist Tommy Davis finally feels the wrath of John Sweeney. We have a tradition in this country; it's called honest enquiry. What these people were doing was dishonest to the point of absurdity; if they weren't wrecking people's lives, it would be comedy. More: Sweeney's piece, the editor's piece.
• Scouting for Boys (BBC-4), in which Ian Hislop recounted the story of Baden-Powell, explaining how he moved from the hero of Mafeking to the founder of a worldwide movement based on honour and tolerance. No appearance for the current Chief Scout and sometime champion diver Peter Duncan, which was a bit of a miss; the inclusion of the utterly useless David Lammy was worse. Website.
• Backchat (RTÉ Radio 1) What does the Viagra pill say to the willy? A topical quiz, way more varied, infinitely faster, and a whole lot funnier than Have I Got The News Quiz For You. Website, includes Real Audio links
• Jerusalem: an Anthem for England (BBC-4) A 30-minute documentary stretched painfully out to 50 minutes. CAUTION: contains David Mellor.
• Two from the CBC archives: Royal greetings, including a remarkably stilted recording from 1938 that sounds as though it could have come from 1338; and the remarkable tale of Charles's Slippers. And The Evolution of the Computer, three clips from 1979 to 1997.
• More or Less (Radio 4) included a report on the science of charities, and explaining why all the leaflets that fall out of your papers contain precisely one child. Show website
• Feedback (Radio 4) returned, with Justin Webb pontificating (again) on his love for the terrorist states south of the St. Lawrence. We agree that it was a worthwhile exercise. Also the non-takeover of the Beeb's message boards by the nazis, a drama producer defends the handling of a play involving rape, the wiki-wiki-wa-wa Find Listen Label project for In These Times.
• The Eurovision podcasts from On Europe: Semi-final 1 Semi-final 2 Final.

20May

Bertie Ahern has taken the Walk of Votes in the only show hosted by Naoel AEdmhondis on Irish television at the moment:

Twenty five boxes remain; Bertie has already opened boxes 1-10, and 31-43. The offer he rejected last week: a 2% drop in support, the prospect of five years on the back benches, the right to remain silent, a copy of Enda Kenny's Contract with the People, a house brick, and a milk bottle. There are five boxes to the next offer. After saying that he wants to draw a line under his financial affairs, Bertie is waiting for a professional to do the job.

Ah, welcome back. And welcome back to an unexpected guest, former British prime minister Mister John Major. If you want a line drawn under something, then John is the man to do it. And that, Mister M, is a perfect line, just the right length, just the right weight, just the right distance underneath. They'll not raise this again during the campaign. Thanks, John.

Box 11 A copy of A Prisoner's Diary by Jeffrey Archer of Grantchester 6262. Like the opposition budget proposals, this is a con job. Fine Gael has made promises worth €2 milliard, Labour has made promises worth €1.7md, and they're only putting up funding worth €900 million. That's a €2.8md deficit, to be funded by budget deficits, debt, an erosion in national competitiveness, and global warming.

Box 12 13.16%. The deduction from the salary of nurses from Friday. In response, the nurses have decided not to work any overtime, paid or otherwise. Des Kavanagh of one union said, "PNA have advocated full employment as an alternative to excessive overtime and the employers failure to heed that call has led to an over reliance of overtime." Bertie? The pay element has to be dealt with in benchmarking. There's no other way of doing that. So, you're saying they should go through the same channels as other public servants, even though they say it's unfair to them? Yes.

Box 13 A suitcase containing £50 000 in cash. Last Sunday's Tribune contained an apparent transcript of Mr. Ahern's evidence to the cash-for-house-repairs inquiry. The RTE Radio Rep dramatised parts of the transcript (RA link, about 12 minutes in, link expires 21 May) (RA link, about 15 minutes in)

Box 14 A speech to the combined Commons and Lords, delivered by Bertie Ahern in recognition of the Northern Ireland settlement, still holding after a week. (RTÉ vidio)

Hello? Hello, Elector! Yes, you're finding the campaign the most exciting thing you've ever experienced? So much so that you're on the edge of your seat? No? Oh, I see. You're in the bath. I see, I see. Which is more than you do after looking at my shirt? Charming!

You're swinging away from the government; FF is at 35%, PD at 3%. FG has 26%, Lab 13%, Greens 5%. Amongst the non-aligneds, SF has 10%, others 8%. And PD has ruled out a coalition with Labour. Right, but what does that do to the offer? A copy of Enda Kenny's contract with the people, an endorsed banker's draft for £5000, an uncashed cheque for £6050, an amount of cash somewhere between £30,000 and £50,000, a bottle of milk, and a housebrick.

Cut the innuendo, Naoel. No dáil!

Sixteen boxes remain; five more to the next offer.

Box 15 New proposals on Wednesday led to planned action by nurses being suspended. Members will be balloted on provisions for a 37½ hour week by June 2008, and the 10.6% pay claim will be dealt with by benchmarking. In return, the overtime ban from Friday will not now go ahead, though the work-to-rule will continue. Sorry, miles away there, too busy watching the Green party broadcast.

Box 16 A pair of cardboard cutouts. Environment minister Dick Roche, and transport minister Martin Cullen, have not been interviewed on the television or radio during the entire campaign. Fianna Fáil media handlers have kept the usually media-friendly pair back, going to the extent of declining interviews on their behalf. According to Fine Gael, the two are the Bogey Brothers. Bertie? Bertie? Sorry, just talking to Dick there. What do you want? (A gottle of geer). I'll do the jokes round here, Bertie. You haven't been funny since Fine Gael was last in power, Naoel.

BOGIES!

What the hell was that? Dick and Dom, two actually entertaining entertainers. Not like you, Naoel. Shut it. What's your next box?

Box 17 A hand-rolled cigarette. Smells a bit funny, too. FF finance minister Brian Cowen confirmed that he had smoked cannabis while a student.

Box 18 A picture of Dr. No. You mean the North's first minister? No, a picture of the villain from the Bond books. Ah, no, no, no. Our response to a proposed coalition with Sinn Féin. So, you won't coalish with Gerry Adams, neither will FG.

Box 19 A mountain of rubbish. The Green party says that Ireland is the European leader in creating waste. This Government has refused to tackle Ireland's waste problem and latest waste figures show that that we are now European leaders in creating waste, dumping it in landfills, and exporting it abroad.

Hello, Elector. Are you gripped by the game so far? Oh, you're falling asleep. In your bath. It takes all sorts. Just like my shirts? OK. Fine, fine.

(sharp intake of breath.) Bertie, the Elector is not making an offer at this point. You're due to have a debate with Enda Kenny at some point. The next offer will come after the debate.

Box 30 The debate was Enda Kenny's to lose, and he didn't lose it. Mr. Ahern went long on his experience, and rejected charges that ten years was too long in power. Mr. Kenny spoke of a fresh approach and that he would be accountable. The opening twenty minutes was dull, but the candidates engaged on health, with Mr. Kenny reeling off a list of people he'd met down the pub and who were all suffering from poor health. Mr. Ahern pointed out the shortfall in the opposition's budget proposals.

Hello. Hello. Well, I'm glad to hear you're out of your bath. You've been in it for the best part of a week, and you'll come out looking like a shrivelled prune. So, you reckon Mr. Kenny wasn't clearly defeated, and came across as a credible Taoiseach? That does seem to be the standard response. And the Dublin boxes are going to be hiding some nasty surprises for Mr. Ahern. OK. Thank you.

Bertie Ahern, with ten boxes to go, the offer is this: A copy of Enda Kenny's Contract with the People, a large pillow, a boxing glove (unusued), a large drill for extra boring, a milk bottle, and a house brick.

No Dáil!

Box 29 It's a picture of two puppets. The caption says they're Moony and Sunshine. Who? From the early days of Rainbow, Naoel. You were too busy making a mockery of people on your radio show. And the puppets remind me of the opposition. I see recipes for disaster all over the place. I just hope that we don't sleepwalk into making a very fundamental mistake like giving an inexperienced Opposition an opportunity to reverse this country.

Box 28 It's a pole, with a lot of grease on it. An opinion sample taken on Monday and Tuesday - after your statement, Bertie, but before your debate with Enda - show FF up a bit, FG down a bit. The proposed coalitions - FF + PD has about 39% of first-preference votes, FG + Lab has about 38%, with a further 6% or so for the Greens. No-one wants to talk with SF, which is moving up to 10%, and sparking attack articles in the press. ElectionsIreland.org reports that FG + Lab + G will not have an overall majority, that the PDs will plummet to two seats. SF and the dwindling band of Independents will be the kingmakers. The projected figures: Fianna Fáil: 70(-9); Fine Gael: 44 (+12); Labour: 24(+3); Greens: 9 (+3); Sinn Fein: 8 (+3); Progressive Democrats 2 (-6); Socialist Party: 2 (+1) and Independents: 9 (-5). 83 seats are required for an overall majority.

Box 27 A set of scales, out of balance. Bertie Ahern has claimed that reporting by most of the media was unfair for the first half of the campaign. Some journalists were hostile to Fianna Fáil irrespective of what it said during news conferences. I'm glad the election is being fought on real issues now. I will return to questions of a campaign against me, and leaks about my personal life and finances another day. And I will have much to say about it!

But that's for a future day. Join us for the gripping conclusion to Dáil or No Dáil. You'll be back!

20May

The British Conservative party announced the first major policy change of the Cameron leadership: it will no longer seek to place a selective school in every town, but will look to continue the direct-grant academies introduced by the present government. John Rentoul argues that the discontent within the Conservative party ensures that this qualifies as Mr. Cameron's Clause IV Moment.

Since 4 May, the British media has been obsessed with one youngster, who disappeared while holidaying in Portugal. This obsession has driven all other news from newspapers and television, and led to MPs wearing tatty ribbons in an attempt to look with-it.

M. Popup was sworn in as the new French president. Johnny Hallyday ended his tax exile, but Yannick Noah began preparing for life under a less xenophobic regime, such as Belarus's.

Australian prime minister John Howard is praying for rain. An Australian. Praying for rain. COWARD!!!!!

Gordon Brown is the only nominee to lead the British Labour party. He is expected to take office on 24 June, and to become prochain ancien British prime minister three days later. Six rivals - Hillary Benn, Hazel Blears, Jon Cruddas, Peter Hain, Harriet Harman, and Alan Johnson - will compete for the deputy leadership.

The head of the European Central Bank urged the UK to join the European single currency. Jean-Claude Trichet told the Financial Times Deutschland that the single market cannot work properly without a single currency. Prochain ancien British prime minister Mister Tony Blair has spent the last decade pretending that the euro is an economic, rather than a political, project.

20May

The showery airflow persisted through the week, with the threat of showers never far away.

14 Mo rain to sun        8/14, 5.5
15 Tu showers            5/16, 6.5
16 We drizzle            8/13, 7.5
17 Th rain to sun       13/18, 6.5
18 Fr cloud to sun      12/17, 0.5
19 Sa heavy showers      7/16, 3.0
20 Su sunny spells       3/17

Rainfall in May: 84mm; monthly average: 64mm

Degree heating days: 492½
2005-6: 684/684
2004-5: 556/556
2003-4: 753/754

Degree cooling days: 5
2006: 13/360
2005: 1/238
2004: 9/198
2003: 11/328