30April

Though slightly slower than recently, it's hard to argue that the trend of 1.8% growth per month isn't continuing. The active:30 figure is virtually unchanged, following a 2.4% drop the previous month. Males are still signing up faster than females, Livejournal is gaining older users faster than younger ones, the Anglophone countries and the Netherlands are particularly sluggish.

(More details, and commentary on the site this month.)

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Six Apart is Rubbish

30April

One of the more overlooked smooth soul records came in at 30, Nobody, performed by Keith Sweat and Athena Cage. It's an unlikely entry in Two Songs a Week, and we pick it primarily as an example of the sort of soul record that was popular in the late 1990s. Note the close harmonies, the understated (but clearly present) sexual overtones, and the complete absence of any rap. This record is barely ten years old; it sounds radically different from many songs nowadays.

(More: Irish intervention into the election, D:Ream, and two notorious kiddyfiddlers for the price of none. - 1825 words)

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Two Songs a Week

1May

1. On anti-merkinism

We really do worry about Justin Webb. Here's a commentary on his Q and A about anti-merkinism:

2. Promm-ise

The programme for the BBC's token commitment to live music, the Promenade concerts, has been announced. It's Nicholas Kenyon's last summer in command of the concerts before he yields to the utterly useless Roger Wright. Standout programmes include:

3. A bad joke

Bookworld is having a shot at The Artist's Way. (1, 2, 3.) Or, as we oh-so-cunningly renamed it some years back, The Surely Impossible Way of the Artist. D'ya see what we did there? Oh. Please yourself.

+110,000 to Scholar's Blog.

(More on these matters - 615 words)

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Culture

2May

We really are going to have to take Polly Toynbee out and beat her about the head. Hard. In her latest party election broadcast for the Labour party, she says:

Few ever hear how unlike Cameron speeches real Conservatives in action are. Tories are promising tax and spending cuts up and down the country if they win... In some places voting Lib Dem is the best anti-Tory tactic - but then from Birmingham to Redcar, Camden to Cumbria, the promiscuous Lib Dems keep Tories in power, so check out what kind of Lib Dems you vote for.

Thank you for mentioning Birmingham, the single best example of why ejecting Labour does actually work. After twenty years of one-party rule, Labour was turfed out here in 2004. The Conservative-Lib Dem coalition represents the majority of the voters (something Labour could never claim in its two decades), and is handling the few matters still devolved to local government with a finesse and a dexterity that the squabbling red party could never manage.

Will a Labour wipeout make the next Labour regime turn left, or frighten them into caution? New Labour was born out of fear of the voter, seeing any setback as rejection of the left. What else are they to think if Labour keeps losing to the right?

Read our lips. Gordon Brown is a loser. L-O-S-E-R. His policies will be a mere footnote when historians draw breath from the constitutional turmoil created by the Badly Hung Parliaments of 2010, 2011, and 2013. What he thinks is a mere irritation; it's the multiplicity of smaller parties and special interest groups that will rise up under proportional representation that will feel the hand of history. Still, Polly's lack of perspective is only to be expected from an intellectual pygmy.

A mighty Labour thumping will only foster fears that there is indeed some ineluctable rightward tide.

Only amongst those who want to believe that there are bogey monsters under every bed, and that behind every silver lining is a dark cloud just waiting to get out. A group that includes Aunt Polly Toynbee, and that includes Gordon Broon. The old miseryguts is his own worst nightmare.

For a more sensible view, we turn to Rachel Sylvester in the Torygraph.

As Prime Minister, Mr Blair has made some monumental misjudgments - the war in Iraq, and the decision that political donations should, before the last election, be secretly turned into loans are two. His Government has, by his own admission, failed to live up to its over-inflated promises to transform the public services. He has faffed around with trivia - a ban on hunting and a house-seller's pack (first promised in 1996 and still not implemented) - rather than pressing ahead with things that affect people's everyday lives.

But, love him or loathe him, Mr Blair has one big achievement that cannot be denied: he has shifted the centre of gravity in British politics. There is now support across the political spectrum for the minimum wage, a publicly funded NHS, civil partnerships, House of Lords reform, childcare improvements and environmental reforms.

We suspect that Mr. Blair's much-vaunted legacy will be the squandered mandate. He had backing from the country to Do Something Different. Not only did he not Do Something Different, but he did The Same Thing, Only Without Any Common Sense.

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Politics

2May

Brig Bother writes, I've just realised I've been using the same felt tip to label boxes for over five years now. Is this some sort of record? No, a record is a round black thing with a hole in the middle.

Some people are fated to be remembered for one ill-considered slip of the tongue, an off-the-cuff remark that attaches itself, limpet-like, to the rest of their career. For Richard Whiteley, it was a ferret. For James Calorgas, Crisis, Wot Crisis. For Paul Denchfield, it's his left eyebrow...

Paul has calls in the Clapham area, ten mobile calls for Clapham High Street and one for the Windmill Pub. Paul bets his left eyebrow that they'll be at the Windmill Pub. "Did you just bet your left eyebrow?" "If he's betting an eyebrow, I'm going there!"

So, let's have a look at that phone box by the Windmill pub. "There's no phone box there!"

No matter how many viral marketing campaigns he tries to kick off, our Pavlovian reaction is the same as Nick's. Anyway, Metafilter has been doing its usual diggery-pokery, so if you don't want to know the result, click away now.

Geraldine Smith is the completely unremarkable backbencher for, er, Morecambe and Lunesdale. Her new nickname is Fare dodger, after she not only refused to pay for her train ticket, but shouted Don't you know who I am? at the guard. She called up the management of Virgin Trains in order to avoid paying, and her bullying tactics worked. Which is more than we can say for Mrs. Smith.

(More: Hugh Grant, Longbridge, flying, Gill Sans, the French election. 676 words)

The money-grubbers of Easyjet are, to the surprise of almost no-one, after people's money again. This time, they're libelling carbon offset companies as snake-oil salesmen, and suggesting that they can be relied upon to handle their own carbon offsets. Is that the same Easyjet that walked out of talks at the Min of Ag last December? Of course, the fact is that the only sure method to reduce aviation emissions is to not fly in the first place. That would be anathema to a profit-seeking airline, which is why they're trying to fatten themselves up a little to-day, in preparation for leaner times ahead.

See also: Flightpledge

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Miscellany

3May

And so we come to the 2003 Eurovision Song Contest. It's remembered in the UK for the country's complete failure to score anything from any of the 25 other voting countries, but the BBC has failed to learn the lesson, and continued to send through rubbish performers singing stupid songs every year since. It's remembered in Turkey because they won, in Belgium because they nearly won, and in Russia because they sent Tatu. The biggest pop act of the time still managed to lose Eurovision, precisely because they hadn't bothered to rehearse. There were singing cats, Germans throwing shapes, Romanians with big disks, and Latvians advertising washing powder.

In seventh place that year came Poland. Keine grenzen - Zadnych granic, performed by Ich Troje, was sung in German, Polish, and Russian. Rather appropriate for a song that goes on about there being "no borders" in the new Europe. The Eastern bloc loved it, the west was a bit colder. We reckon that it deserved a bit more recognition, as one of the best songs from what is probably the strongest Eurovision ever.

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Two Songs a Week

3May

We are assuming that all our readers who are in a position to vote in UK elections to-day have done so. We will not insult their intelligence by saying how important it is to vote, or mentioning how this is a fine spring day, perfect for burying bad government.

No, we shall give you advance notice of some interesting programmes on BBC Parliament over the coming week:

9pm Saturday - The French Presidential Debate. See for yourself how M. Sarkozy was almost punched in the gob by Ségolène Royal. And see the Amazing Chess Clocks of Doom - each candidate has 60 minutes to gather their seven keys and find the codeword to unlock the tiger's head. Or something. The live debate last night was more exciting than watching the Manchester Buccaneers lose, not that that match was televised.

10.30 Saturday (also 3pm Sunday and 8.30am Monday) From Beaconsfield to Baghdad - highlights of prochain ancien British prime minister Mister Tony Blair's career in parliament.

5.55 Sunday Patriot Games, Ruaridh Nicoll explains the negotiations between Scotland and England in 1707.

6.55 Sunday France Decides, the result from France 2. Also on TV5, for those who get it.

9am Monday Election 97 The third repeat in five years for this one. They've not yet done the 1959 election programme. Or the 2001 one. Anyway, INFAX programme-as-broadcast notes are 9.55 - 6am, 9am - 1.13pm, 2pm - 3.47pm. The Have you been drinking hemlock? interview will begin at about 9.17, and if you want to be Up For Portillo, tune in at 2pm. The highlights reel, featuring the extended version of The Legend of King Arthur will go out just after 4.45.

8pm Saturday 12 May Blair: The Inside Story Michael Cockerill's series on ancien Labour leader Mister Tony Blair, repeated in one night. Shame it's opposite Eurovision.

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Media

4May

It's the Welsh and Scottish elections, and they use the top-up member system. In turn, that gives us the excuse to put on our Mitchell and Webb masks and seeing if we can shout,

We discussed the prospect of Overhang seats in October last year. Very roughly, we take the party list votes, and work out who would have won the seats if that were the only method of election. Then we compare this to the actual result; if there's a difference, the extra seat (the one with the smallest constituency majority) is an Overhang seat.

(More: A worked example, and an exploration of this phenomenon - 1054 words)

The greatest probem is in South Wales West, where Labour won all seven constituency seats. In order to avoid an Overhangmandate, Labour would need to win approximately two-thirds of the list vote. In the event, they got about 36%, causing two Overhang seats, one each against the Conservatives and Lib Dems. Edwina Hart (Gower, 4.3% ahead of C) and Andrew Davies (Swansea W, 6.6% ahead of LD) are the lucky AMs.

So, were the Welsh Assembly to use the German Überhang rules, the line-up would be:

Labour 26
Plaid  15
Cons   14
LibDem  8
Others  1

C, LD have 2 Overhang seats each.

In Scotland, there's a Labour Overhangmandate in Glasgow, at the expense of a fifth SNP list seat. Pauline McNeill in Kelvin has the smallest majority, 5.1% ahead of the nationalists, and smaller than the number of rejected ballot papers.

Similarly, in West of Scotland, Labour has one Overhangmandate seat, again at the expense of the Nationalists. Jackie Baillie in Dumbarton (5.4%) has the smallest majority over the SNP.

The final result, including the two Overhangmandateseats:

SNP    49
Labour 47
Cons   17
LibDem 16
Green   2
Others  1

Without the Overhang, the SNP has still won, 47-46. By fixing the rules in this way, Labour has given itself some major advantages in the post-election fallout. If it were Labour in the 47-46 lead, we would be justified in crying foul. As it is, the deeply unsexy topic needs further examination before the next election.

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Psephology

5May

Welsh elections: Labour, we think, has done enough to retain power, though they'll need to rely a formal coalition with the Lib Dems. Part of that is due to the curious Overhang rules, which put Labour four seats closer to an overall majority than they deserve.

Scottish Parliament avoided a very quiet constitutional crisis by a whisker. We would have been shouting from the rooftops had Labour been the largest party purely because of their unadjusted Overhangseats. As it is, the SNP and Lib Dems cannot form a coalition on their own, and must rely on the support of the two Greens.

Scottish councils show some interesting detail, and put the SNP clearly ahead of Labour, with the Lib Dems and Conservatives roughly equal for third.

English councils: Overall the picture is of a slow decline across the board. Don't be fooled by Labour claiming that it wasn't as bad as expected - the party has scored about 27% of the national vote. It's up 1% on last year, but still a lower percentage than the 1983 general election.

The Conservatives have gains in places that traditionally elected Conservative MPs, and need to do so again for a Cameron government to form. A static vote ensures that this is a good result for the Conservatives, but may not be part of a flower-strewn path to Number Ten. There was some headroom to tilt at, and the Tories didn't progress.

The Lib Dems, meanwhile, continue to confuse. They've replaced Labour as the party of opposition in the south-west, but lost control of other councils to the Conservatives. They remain the only opposition to Labour in the urban north. They seem to be the second choice everywhere, but the winners almost nowhere.

Our current projection is for a Conservative overall majority of around 24, most of their gains coming in the suburban and rural areas of Yorkshire, Lancashire, and the East Midlands.

The Conservatives are the party of the country, and of the London commuter belt. Labour is the party of the cities, particularly the urban north. The Lib Dems and Nationalists are the parties of protest. It increasingly feels as if none of the parties commands the majority of the country, and that the UK could follow Canada's lead, by electing minority government after minority government in a series of inconclusive elections.

(Detailed musings on each part and party - 1217 words)

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Politics

6May

Bouncey and Shakira hit the top in France, with Timberland in at 7, and quondam Fort Boyard lockin Leslie in at 11. B and S are also number one in Germany, Ireland, and the Netherlands, with BZN and Michael Buble into the top ten. The Ark return to the top in Sweden, something to do with a looming international talent show, which would also explain DJ Bobo's top 30 hit in Germany, though not Dima Bilan's top tenner in Latvia - he was last year's Russian entry.

20 re Stacey Ferguson - Glamorous
19 14 Yannick Noah - Aux arbes citoyens
18 16 Justin Numberwang - What goes around
17 18 Mark Ronson - Stop me
16 15 DJ Ötzi - Ein stern
15 20 Linkin Park - What I've done
14 13 Arctic Monkeys - Brianstorm
13 11 Ville Valo and Natalia Avelon - Summer wine
12 12 Alex Gaudino - Destination Calabria
11  5 Nelly Furtado - All good things
10  6 Gwen Stiffeny - The sweet escape
 9  7 Boys Aloud - Ruby
 8  8 Pet Shop Boys - She's Madonna
 7 17 Mika - Love today
 6  9 Timberland et al - Give it to me
 5  4 Fray - How to save a life
 4  3 Nelly Furtado - Say it right
 3 10 Beyonce / Shakira - Beautiful liar
 2  2 Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend
 1  1 Mika - Grace Kelly

6May

Armand van Helden, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Mims scrape into the top 75, as does 30 Seconds to Mars, the band formerly known as Frozen Embryos. Right Said Fred have re-issued I'm too sexy, their massive number 2 hit from 1991, but this time it only enters at 56 - fully 19 places below last time around. Many oldies climb back up the chart, as there are just three new entries in the forties - Snow Patrol's Signal fire at 50 is still behind their third-last single Chasing cars; Ross Copperman (about whom we know nothing) is at 44, and Beverley Knight ends in No man's land at 43.

Just six new entries into the top 40, beginning with Jojo's Anything at 40. It's the one that samples Toto's Africa. And no, we're not going to go hunting for such similarly-named acts in the past. Funeral For A Friend enter at 39 with Into oblivion. Michael Bublé climbs four places to 38 with some oh-so-tedious mush. Second time around for Jamie T's Sheila and it can only make position 34. Why bother? Er, pass. See also: Amy Whingebag, up to number 25. Dada is new at 18, that's the bloke behind Deepest Blue about five years ago. Amerie climbs 15 to 13.

Highest new entry for Hellogoodbye at 10, a tedious bunch of Californish who abuse vocoders in a way that makes Cher sound natural. Indeed, their song sounds like Cher's, only without the song. Groove Armada storm up 23 to 9. Scrappy Spice drops two to 5, Timberland drops two to 4. Gym Class Heroes (who are, apparently, sampling Breakfast in Amorica, which shows our very limited knowledge of boring 70s songs) rise five places to number 3. The Manics complete their hat-trick of number 2 singles, stretching back to autumn 2004. No act has ever managed four runners-up in a row.

On the albums, no change at the top for the Arctic Monkeys. Michael Bublé has the highest new entry at 2, ahead of Amy Whingebag and Mika. Neyo is new at 6, and Nataaaaaaaaasha Bedingfield at 9. James's second singles album enters at 12, eleven places below the 1998 equivalent. Rush and Black Rebel Motorcycle Club are both into the top 20, with the hits of Squeeze in at 25 - this must be the fourth singles collection they've issued. A 20-place climb for Jamie T into the 30. Amongst acts that are past their sell-by date: Ocean Colour Scene at 37, Tori Amos at 50, Dinosaur Jr at 52. And good climbs for Yusuf Islam at 57 and Ray Lamontagne at 63.

 2 26 Manic Street Preachers
  - Your love alone is not enough
 5  3 Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend
 7  6 Mika - Love to-day
 8  5 Mark Ronson - Stop me
15  7 Arctic Monkeys - Brianstorm
19 13 Fray - How to save a life
24 20 The Enemy - Away from here
26 25 Mika - Grace Kelly
36 30 Calvin Harris - Acceptable in the eighties
39 NE Funeral For A Friend - Into oblivion
40 NE Jojo - Anything
42 39 Massimo Park - Our velocity
43 NE Beverley Knight - No man's land
47 52 Laura - Release me
51 53 Gossip - Standing in the way of control
52 43 Pink - Leave me alone
55 55 Just Jack - Stars in their eyes
58 41 Just Jack - Glory days
59 33 The View - The Don/Skag Trendy
63 63 Killers - Read my mind
64 NE 30 Seconds to Mars - The Kill
68 60 Arctic Monkeys - Flourescent adolescent
70 51 Meck - Feels like home
75 re JayZed / Linkin Park - Numb/Encore

.. 34 Lostprophets - 4am (Forever)
.. 44 Ash - You can't have it all
.. 45 Matt Willis - Crash
.. 62 Bloc Party - I still remember
.. 65 Kelis - Little star
.. 68 Dan le Sac / Scroobius Pip - Thou shalt always kill
.. 72 Proclaimers - I'm gonna be (500 miles)
.. 74 Arctic Monkeys - 505

6May

This week, we've been watching and hearing...

* More PEBs: David Cameron on the junior doctors' crisis (!!), and a bunch of Normal People Labour Party stooges putting shockingly on-message questions to Gordon and Tony. Curses on both their houses.

* How The Other Half Learns (C5), putting youngsters from Wembley in Wells School, and vice versa. Interesting idea, didn't really work.

* Veronica Mars (Trouble), the first show we've watched on there in forever, nad if the show doesn't buck up its ideas, quite possibly the last.

* Bright Ideas: The Typewriter (BBC-4), explaining how the typewriter developed, and how the QWERTY keyboard came about only through cheatery.

* Election Night (BBC-1) was remarkable for the gimmick-laden presentation of Jez Vine. Tony Blair firing balls at a tennis net had legs, because it was a proper graph (time and height). Cameron's Building Site didn't work, showing how the Tory share of the vote had grown. Ming's Bling (!!!) was the pits: the Lib Dem leader gets gold bars in relation to his share of the vote, and if he moves up on last year, starts doing a hip-hop dance. Someone needs to take Vine out and shoot him, because this is just trivial to the point of being a waste of time.

A couple of marginally notable changes to The Cable Corp.'s channel line-up last Tuesday. Channels 515 and 602 changed names, from SkySportsNews and SkyNews to 515 and 602. The KYTV channels have now been off air for nine weeks and three days, surpassing Telewest's strop with Nickelodeon during 2004-5. Viewing figures are down. Weekly reach for KYOnc is down from 11.1m in the third week of April 2006 to 7.5m in the corresponding week this year. KYComedy is down only slightly, from 3.8m to 3.5m, and KYSports dropped from 6m to 5.4m. The latter two channels are (currently) available to DTTV viewers, and that platform has shown strong growth over the past year.

6May

One mate in Paris was emailed a computer football game where the player is cast as Royal single-handedly taking on a team of cloned Sarkozys: the object of the exercise is to head-butt him as many times as possible. - Rowan Pelling, Indytab.

Proving that she's no extremist, Ségolène Royal suggested that Dominique Strauss-Kahn would make a very good prime minister. M. Strauss-Kahn is a centreist by instinct, living in the Socialist party out of necessity. The other possibility, floated in an interview with Le Monde, is to let M. Bayrou become prime minister.

M. Sarkozy has attacked the 1968 student uprising, saying that it removed morality from politics for a generation. He was backed by such luminaries as Johnny Hallyday and Charlotte Rampling. But, in a Tuesday surprise, not by Jean-Marie Le Pen. The leader of the racist right called for a massive abstention, rather than ask his followers to vote for M. Popup.

Mme. Royal spent Tuesday night wooing the voters in a near-emotional rally in Paris. I do not want the victory of France against herself. What I want is the president to be a winner for France.

Where's Mme. Popup? asks Het Grauniad. Oh, that's a simple one, as simple as the grimace on La Boule's face. The UMP candidate didn't get where he is without making some tactical sacrifices, and leaving Cecilia in the oubliette while buying out M. Le Pen looked to be a good deal at the time. In the event, no.

Het Graun also reports on how M. Popup has learned from Anglophone presentation styles, yet fails to mention Europe's spin king, prochain ancien British prime minister Mister Tony Blair, at all.

In Wednesday's debate (extended to 2½ hours because it was so gripping), M. Sarkozy said that the 35-hour working week was reducing the availability of jobs, and tried to pin the blame on the Socialist government in office from 1993-2002. He neglected to point out that right-wingers have held the levers of power for the past five years, and - thanks to the highly democratic French system of the most riotous group winning - have consistently been unable to remove that law.

Mme. Royal accused her opponent of political immorality for dismantling measures to ensure disabled children could attend schools, and criticised the rise in violence during the time when M. Sarkozy was the interior minister. She also showed passion during the debate, compared to the completely impassive M. Popup. Most neutral observers found that Mme. Royal had performed better than their expectations.

It's all boiling down to a choice between the cleavage - the clear water between the policies of the Socialists and the UMP as proposed by Mme. Royal - and the rupture - a break with the country's history proposed by M. Popup. We're almost waiting for his catchphrase, Nouvelle Popup, Nouvelle France.

François Bayrou, the third-placed candidate in the opening round of voting, has slightly climbed off the fence, saying that nothing on earth would persuade him to vote for M. Sarkozy in Sunday's poll. Not that that means he's going to vote for Mme. Royal; the system allows him to insert neither candidate's name into his ballot envelope, and positive abstentions are thus recorded, before being completely ignored.

The final day of campaigning turned heavily negative. Mme. Royal suggested that violence would rise if the country voted for M. Popup. The Sarkozy camp fired off a statement saying that such thought was anti-democratic

Which just leaves us with the result: Sarkozy - Royal 53.0:47.0. Bugger.

6May

Bertie Ahern has taken the Walk of Votes in the only show hosted by Naoel AEdmhondis on Irish television at the moment:

Unlike the versions shown elsewhere in the world, the 43 boxes contain physical props, which lead to one of the prizes on the board.

Box 1, please. It's forty-three copies of Enda Kenny's Contract With The People. One for each constituency there. Free health insurance for every child under 16, 2300 more acute hospital beds, 2000 more gardaí on the streets, and a promise to stand down as Taoiseach if he fails to implement the pledges in the document. Bertie? That's just going to be more fuel for the barbecue on which I'll roast Fine Gael and Labour's tax policies. OK, one box down, eight to go before the next offer from The Elector.

Box 2 It's a large sum in cash, Bertie. And there's a note attached. This money went towards stamp duty and repairs to a house that Mr. Ahern's partner was renting during the 1990s. Ooh, that's nasty, isn't it, Bertie. No, no, that's nothing new, I already made a statement to the Green Box Club in October last year. I'm hearing a lot of dissent from the Supply Bench, and not all of it is about the hideous shirt I'm wearing.

Box 3. A picture of Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness. That'll be yours, Sinn Féin. You're going to take it around the country? Interesting.

Box 4! A sod of earth. Ah yes, that's the one extracted on Monday by the transport minister. He stuck a spade into the ground, and declared construction of the M3 motorway open. The route goes past the Hill of Tara, the traditional seat of power for Irish kings, and a place of huge symbolic importance for the Irish.

Box 5 A piece of human bone. On Tuesday, the environment minister told everyone to stop working, as they had already stumbled across a major archaelogical find. The route goes directly across an ancient burial site, dating back at least 3500 years. The area will now be dug up at a somewhat slower rate, and the archaeologists will finish their work before the M3 completes. We're stuffed on this one. Allow work to continue, we upset the traditionalists; stop the motorway, and we're crucified by the commuters.

Box 6 It's a nurse's hat. A pay and conditions dispute between the nurses and the department of health has been rumbling on for the past couple of months, and they've now announced three work stoppages next week. Two hours on Tuesday and Wednesday, three hours on Friday. That's to add to a ban on overtime. Bertie? It's an extremely complicated matter, it won't be resolved in the short term. "Nonsense! All you've got to do is use your imagination. I imagine a solution that will see all the nurses back in post by to-morrow" Enda, but you'll be paying them with imaginary money now, won't you?

Box 7 A large white coat. Anyone? Ah, that'll be Fine Gael's promise on mental health. They'll pump in €250,000,000 per year, ensuring that no-one will ever again be turned away. Bertie! That's the first of the Power Boxes gone.

Box 8 It's a stamp. Perforated edges, picture of a harp in the corner. Yes. We've heard FG's promise to increase the level at which first time buyers pay tax when they purchase a house. We'll go further. We will abolish stamp duty for all first-time buyers, so long as they're buying a second-hand house. Isn't that going to further inflate the housing bubble at a time when it needs gentle deflation? You say that that's a u-turn, Enda? And that he's got great control if he can turn on a postage stamp?

First offer after this box. Box 9 A lorry. Drivers will stage a blockade on the M-50 outside Dublin on Tuesday next week, protesting against the ban on driving through the capital city. They're forced to use the toll road, and intend to block one lane each way, and have a rolling go-slow.

Hallo? Hallo! Yes, he's playing a blinder. Nothing to say to the drivers who will be stuck on Tuesday morning? I doubt it'll be that bad. Interesting. Interesting. Ha ha ha. Yes. Yes.

The Elector is still paying attention, though not to your talking points. The first offer: a copy of Enda Kenny's Contract With The People, 30,000 Irish pounds to do up your house, and - based on the current opinion polls - €39.39. Bertie Ahern, Dáil or No Dáil?

No Dáil!

Eight boxes to the next offer, and I think I know where you're going next.

Too right, Naoel. Box 43. It's a picture of Prudence, tinged in green. Dan Browne, is that the Green party manifesto? "Proposing a massive investment in public transport, but also that existing road contracts be honoured, and then the National Roads Authority think if the planned motorways are really needed. Cut VAT, it discriminates against the poor; increase Capital Gains Tax, it's paid by the rich." There's a lot of growling from the Progressive Democrat corner there. "They're just worried that we'll steal votes from them. I hope we do."

Box 42. A pair of bolt cutters. Anyone recognise these? Anyone? We'll have to Ask the Audience. Matt Twomey from Dublin Council, please explain. "We've seen election posters at head height, blocking road signs and traffic lights, and with cable ties protruding at a dangerous height. Particularly for children and the blind. We shall be cutting down any posters that aren't at least 2.3m above the ground, or on traffic lights, or on electricity cable stays, overpasses, pedestrian bridges, or anywhere else we think is dangerous." But you're not going to follow Birmingham's lead and ban them altogether? "Not right now, though we will charge the parties for the cost of removal if they're still around a week after the poll."

Box 41. A papal bull on contraception. Yours, Michael McDowell? "Yes. We in the Progressive Democrats will not withdraw from the government at this time. However, for our continued support after the election, we insist on Mr. Ahern making a comprehensive statement addressing all the new information now in the public domain, and he do so before the people cast their votes on 24 May. So that if they wish, they can make a clean break."

Did he say break?

RTÉ has a site containing clips of old election campaigns and results programmes. Real Player required.

6May

Five people were jailed for life following a year-long trial into an alleged bomb plot. Jurors heard of plans to target a shopping centre, a nightclub, and the gas network with fertiliser bombs. Police claim to have found 600kg of ammonium nitrate fertiliser when they raided a warehouse in west London in March 2004. Those caught in the July 2005 explosions have renewed their calls for a full inquiry after it emerged that two of the people blamed for the bombings were repeatedly brought to the attention of the interior secret service. In particular, the claim that the four blamed were unknown to the security services has been exposed as a blatant lie.

A suicide bomber wearing an explosive vest killed more than 20 people at a funeral in a town north of Baghdad. Police said that 35 more were wounded.

A government commission cited Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and top army commanders brass for serious failure in handling the Lebanon war; the prime minister refused to resign, though a junior minister was made the scapegoat.

Venezuela will withdraw from the International Monetary Fund and World Bank. The move, announced by President Chávez on Tuesday, is mostly symbolic. Sr. Chávez has previously spoken of an ambition to fund a Bank of the South, concentrating exclusively on South America.

British interior minister John Reid surprised many by announcing that he would leave the Cabinet if and when Gordon Brown becomes prime minister. Labour's attack dog, who will preside over the splitting-off of his ministry's Justice functions next Wednesday, prefers to return to the back-benches. He will not challenge Mr. Brown for the expected Labour leadership vacancy.

Sport, and the NHL title went to Waterford, who beat Kilkenny 20:18 in the Semple Stadium final. Kim Clijsters has ended her tenis career, saying that the fire had gone out. The former world number-one never won a major European title.

6May

High pressure over Scotland continued to dominate, ensuring days were mostly sunny. Cloud spread in from the East most nights, and didn't lift at all during Friday, resulting in a surprisingly cold day.

30 Mo sun                5/19
01 Tu sun                5/21
02 We sun                6/18
03 Th cloud to sun       7/16
04 Fr cloud              8/10
05 Sa cloud to sun       8/15
06 Su sunny spells      10/18

Rainfall in April: 12.5mm; monthly average: 53mm
Rainfall in May: 0mm; monthly average: 64mm

Degree heating days: 492
2005-6: 684/684
2004-5: 555½/556
2003-4: 752/754

Degree cooling days: 5
2006: 6/360
2005: 1/238
2004: 2/198
2003: 11/328