9January

So, have you see the front cover of this week's Radio Times? Two ugly chancers and one Lauren Laverne, the person most likely to whisper softly into this blog's ears of a morning. Well, it's him or Nicky Campbell, and the latter received just one vote, from N. A. A.

There was a time, not so long ago, when Top of the Pops was essential viewing. Not just because it was a shop-front for popular music, but because it allowed us viewers to see performers we'd not been exposed to previously. And, in some cases, become huge fans in the space of one performance. Ned's Atomic Dustbin, the Stone Roses, the Jesus and Mary Chain, all acts that I appreciated through ver Pops.

Perhaps the last in that list is Kenickie, the four-piece band from Sunderland, who defined the concept of glitter coming out of the set. Brash, vibrant, in yer face, but not aggressive, Kenickie had the honour of opening the Pops for 1997, and won over at least one fan through their performance. The group's scheduled gig in Wolverhampton at the end of the month was cancelled owing to a malfunctioning fire alarm, and by their next tour - eighteen months later - the writing was on the wall.

By that time, In your car had become one of the many forgotten hits, lost in music's biggest memory hole. Lead singer Lauren Laverne has done rather well for herself; we don't know what happened to Emmy-Kate, Johnny X, or Marie.

Presenting the Pops that night was Nicky Campbell, and second on the bill was Kavana. It really was all downhill from there.

10January

Some brief cuts.

Music sales are down, right? Wrong! Classical music sales up by over a fifth.

The Age reclaims culture. Back in time, when there was time, acquiring cultural knowledge was considered a rite of passage, not something special or abstruse.

Het Graun's readers nominate their top 40 shows of 2006. Dr Who, Life on Mars, Planet Earth fill the top three. Pleased to see Veronica Mars as high as twelfth, beating out Torchwood and The Sopranos; surprised that West Wing (21) only just beats Big Brother (22) and X-Factor (24). Really, really pleased to see Gilmore Girls sneak into the top 40, especially given that they air on such a marginal channel.

Two from Language Log: On how academic work can re-surface after almost half a century. And I am hard put to imagine why Imperial Oil thinks that whether they use the same name or different names for their convenience stores will make a difference to their bottom line.

There's to be a new version of On the Town.

Blair prays for climate salvation.

Miscellany

11January

I've a few records from the Best of 2006 list that never got posted, so I'll make good on those over the next few weeks.

First up, My Latest Novel, with one of the more obvious from their debut album Wolves. The album itself is almost a classical work, without clear divisions between some of the songs.

The most obvious feature of this song is the rhythm; a common time signature, but with a beat syncopated to generate power and vibrancy, and the sense of running with the beasts. Outside the work of Ozzy Osbourne, too few songs incorporate howling for the fun of it, and the gathering crescendo is a miracle of sonic technology, though one that gets flattened to death on the radio.

Two Songs a Week

11January

Q: If The Body Shop does spectacularly well, doesn't Nestlé still get some money?

I guess they would...

Q: There was talk of a boycott, did that happen?

It didn't happen.

Q: Were sales affected?

There was protest but it was more headlines. Sales didn't drop.

Then, Mrs. Roddick, please explain why my personal spend at (what was) your store dropped from approximately £40 per year to the grand non-total of £0. From my sample of one, sales have dropped by precisely 100%. The boycott continues, of all products substantially owned by those who would kill babies for profit.

Consumer

12January

I think Livejournal's developers do a good job. I wish I could say the same about their managers.

(More: Trust No-one)

Six Apart Is Rubbish

13January

Oh you're a woman. And the first working class person we have had.

The cover star of this week's Rusty Old Radio Times, the best thing on breakfast radio (yes, that includes Alan Lake), and Lauren Laverne is spot on. Get Chris Moyles a womb is the most incisive five-word summary of Radio Onelistener's problems in the morning.

There are too few women in high-profile positions on pop music radio, and those that do get the exposure get it because they're trying to be blokes (Sara Cox), or they're there in token positions (That Bloody Kennedy Woman). We rate Edith Bowman and Annie Mac, we sort-of rate Jo Wiley, and (though she's stuck away in the arse end of the schedules) we rate Janice Long. But, with the honourable exceptions of Laverne and her Xfm colleagues Clare Sturgess and Sarah Darling apart, where are the high-profile female successes on commercial pop radio?

Actually, are we asking the wrong question? Should we be posing the greater query, where are the successes on commercial pop radio full stop? Capital Disney has successfully built itself into something of a family, Core has wobbled a bit but is certainly heading in the right direction, but the FM stations are full of soul-less presenters reading scripted links. Any twit can do it, as you'll hear on any station, any time.

Media

14January

This week, we've been watching...

* MI-High (BBC-1 / CBBC) - a junior version of Spooks. The season opener, about a robot prime minister (played by Scrapheap Challenge's Robert Llewellyn) was silly; far better the second show, about a boy band who turn their fans into zombies.
* Dead Like Me (1.10) - in which our hero finds that her quondam father is dating his students.

... and listening to...

* The Current (CBC), on whether trivia is equal to wisdom. Podcast.
* Cutting a Dash (BBC-7), Lynne Truss's famous series about punctuation.
* Please Stand (Radio 4), Tommy Pearson investigating what makes a good national anthem, and whether Brian May or Karl Jenkins would like to make a new one. Why does the current UK anthem sound dull? It requires only a very small range.

And game shows: Just the Two of Us, The Search, Your Country Needs You. This week's Week was scheduled to review Raven, but also added a tribute to Magnus Magnusson.

Media

14January

The first substantial change of the year comes in Sweden, where Benjamin's Jag är en astronaut is straight into position 3. It still can't top Markus Fagervall, whose Everything changes (no relation to the Take That number) is still the best-seller. In Finland, no surprise to find Iron Maiden replicating their top-5 success from the UK; it is a surprise to find a cover of the K.L.F.'s Last train to Transcentral (by Slusnik Luna), and LT United's We are the winners both in the top 20. The Maiden repeat their success in Denmark, while Eric Prides and Chris Corncob enter the top 20 in Germany.

Pink takes over at the top in Flanders with Dear mister president. In France, Holly Dolly's Dolly song - which makes Schnappi sound like the most complicated song in history - comes storming in to position 5. The Eurovision hopefuls of No Name are number 20 in Czechia, while the new entry at number 19 in the so-up-to-the-minute-it's-painful Irish chart is, er, Queen performing Bohemian Rhapsody.

 20 12 U2 / Green Dull - The saints are coming
 19 NE Cascada - Truly madly deeply
 18 14 Faudel - Mon pays
 17 NE Lily Allen - Littlest things
 16  9 Fatal Bazooka - Fous ta cagoule
 15 re Feeling - Love it when you call
 14 17 Monrose - Shame
 13 NE Fray - How to save a life
 12 10 Red Hot Chili Peppers - Snow
 11  8 Justin Numberwang - My love
 10  7 Seizure Sisters - I don't feel like dancing
  9  5 Akon - Smack that
  8 NE Eric Prydz - Proper education
  7 NE Razorlight - Fall to pieces
  6  6 Snow Patrol - Chasing cars
  5  4 Clitring Aguilera - Hurt
  4 18 U2 - Window in the skies
  3  3 Razorlight - America
  2  2 Take That - Patience
  1  1 Nelly Furtado - All good things

We've got our hands on last week's complete UK Top 200. Bo-rhap was only position 179, with Don't stop me now at position 76, a mere 28 years after its original release. Five more songs from High School Musical sludge up the additional places. The top catalogue sellers - I would walk 500 miles and I don't want to miss a thing land at 92 and 93, just ahead of the Pogues, plummeting from 13 to 94. Most of the other entries are a mix of forthcoming singles (Fergalicious, the Pussycatdolls, something from N-Dubz and The Game, whoever they are) and recent-ish hits (Mr Brightside, two Arctic Monkeys hits). Eye of the tiger makes 123, Wonderwall is 144, its highest position in almost ten years, Sweet child of mine 146. Blunty's Ubiquitous has faded to position 148, proving finally that the deletion rule no longer applies. Angels is 157, and there are positions for Summer of '69, DJ Sammy's Heaven, Peggy Parton's 9 to 5, Living on a prayer, and Smells like teen spirit. Songs from the Cheetah Girls, Bittersweet symphony, Everything I do, and The one and only are in the top 200 downloads, but not the overall list. There's no top-200 position for Cliff's 21st century christmas, giving a final chart trajectory of 2-7-43-OUT, which I believe is the worst performance by a number 2 hit ever. Andy Abraham's December brings me back to you also dropped out of the 200, its trajectory 18-26-104-OUT. One note on the albums listing, JoJo's The High Road entered at 104, the only newie in the top 200. How did we live without this fact?

Fourth week at the top for Leona Lewis, holding Eric Prydz to number 2. Two debut acts displace Take That to the bottom of the top five. Mika, voted Most Likely To Succeed by some of the self-fulfilling pop prophets polled by the BBC, enters at 3 with Grace Kelly, a song we sort-of like on first listens. Just Jack enters at 4 with a tribute to his favourite copycat show, Stars in their eyes; it's a sombre rap over uplifting house. Jojo storms up to position 6; we've caught the video to this single, and do rather wonder whether it's quite kosher for youngsters of her age to be playing in the rain while wearing nothing more than a flimsy top. Catch 'er death o' cold, she will. Slightly later than they might have done, the View have followed up Wasted little DJs, and almost get their first top ten hit. The Klaxons, this week's darlings of the NME, put Golden skans in at 16. Don't see what the fuss is about. A near-miss in the Two In A Row club, of acts who have held two consecutive chart positions, as Amy Whinehouse posts numbers 18 and 20.

The Ordinary Bores and Akron climb into the top 40 from download positions just outside last week. Neither is in the top 20. Nor is Snow Patrol, slumping as everyone realises that Chasing cars is tedious enough to cause people to spontaneously gouge out their own eyeballs. Automatic put two records into the base of the 40, Monster is joined by a re-release of Raoul, which originally came out in April last year; the second outing is already a bigger success. Press hype of the week belongs to Koopa, the unsigned Essex band who have been persuading their fan-base to download Blag, steal, borrow in its first week. There's a reason why they're unsigned by a major label; they're not all that good at performing, churning out sub-Green Day tedium. Predicted to make the top 20 in mid-week, it settles for 31. Also getting very wet in her video clip is Amy Lee of Evanescence, whose Lithium charts on downloads. Eleven years after his career highlight, Jarvis Cocker has a solo hit, albeit one that sounds exactly like every Pulp song ever. Jamie T anchors the top 40.

Outside the top 40, new entries for the Cooper Temple Clause (missing by one place: they'll be cursing Snow Patrol), Game (42), Cheetah Girls (53), DJ Julia Goldsworthy (54), Gossip (63), My Chemical Romance (68), Nerina Pallot (70), and Ben Macklin (71). Back in at 61 is Lynyrd Skynyrd's Sweet home alabama, celebrating its 23rd birthday this year.

Amy Whinehouse takes the top of the album chart, with James Morrison rising to second. Lykie Ignoume's live album, Homecoming, is the highest new entry at 7. There's a huge climb for George Michael's hits album (99-26); less spectacular soarings for Nelly Furtado (31-22) and Automatic (57-36) Gruff Rhys of the Super Furry Animals enters at 50, one place ahead of Madeleine Peyroux's resurgent album. The Ordinary Bores are 64, and Jojo climbs to 59.

 3 NE Mika - Grace Kelly
 6 22 Jojo - Too little too late
11 NE View - Same jeans
15 12 Nelly Furtado - All good things
25 13 Razorlight - America
30 re Automatic - Raoul
32 NE Evanescence - Lithium
33 23 Feeling - Love it when you call
34 24 Razorlight - Fall to pieces
36 NE Jarvis Cocker - Don't let him waste your time
37 29 My Chemical Romance
  - Welcome to the black parade
39 33 Automatic - Monster
44 31 Shakira - Hips don't lie
45 38 Nelly Furtado - Maneater
52 43 Mary J Blige - MJB da MVP
57 37 High School Musical OCR - Breaking free
58 25 McFly - Sorry's not good enough
59 41 Lily Allen - Littlest things
62 63 Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
65 35 Little Chris - Getting enough
67 58 Gary Jules - Mad world
68 NE My Chemical Romance - Famous last words
69 64 Jay-Zed / Linkin Park - Numb / encore
70 NE Nerina Pallot - Learning to breathe
73 26 Iron Maiden - Different world
74 47 David Gilmour - Arnold Layne

Charts

14January

R. Kelly has moved one of his many children from a state to a private school, because the child has been diagnosed with significant learning difficulties. The former education minister, speaking through the Downing-street press office, said that the move was necessary because there was insufficient state provision to educate the child locally. This was disputed by Tower Hamlets council, Our schools are well-resourced and provide high-quality education for all. R Kelly did not point out that the government of which he has been a part has slashed the spending on children with significant learning difficulties. Many have attacked R Kelly for failing to fight to provide the best for everyone, but taking the selfish option.

The British interior ministry came in for criticism over its slapdash approach to recording crimes committed by Britons overseas. Until last year, reporting of these convictions prior to their notification by foreign official was voluntary, yet the interior ministry still had a backlog of cases. Much of the criticism centred on the hypothesis that some of these people might be working with the vulnerable in society, and this alone was sufficient to cause a public danger; no meaningful proof of this conjecture has yet been offered.

A helicopter raid in southern Sudan has killed many people. The raiders, believed to be linked to the military junta that's seized power in the Potomac drainage basin, claim that they were pursuing terrorists.

Mengistu Haile Mariam, the former leader of Ethiopia, has been sentenced to life in prison on genocide charges. Mr. Mengistu was found guilty last year, after a trial lasting 12 years and conducted in his absence. Mr. Mengistu has been in exile since yielding the reins of power in 1991. His current residence, Zimbabwe, does not propose to extradite him back to serve his jail sentence.

The military junta that has unlawfully seized power in some provinces of southern Canada has called for an increase in the number of troops occupying Iraq. The party's figure-head, a drunken imbecile from Connecticut, wants to send a further 20,000 army members to the country. Analysts believe it is unlikely that this will meet the stated objective, of supporting the Iraqi insurgents from the loyal defenders of the country's independence. The junta has stated that defeat is not an option; the consensus opinion amongst strategists is that calamity, plucked from the jaws of disaster, is a certainty.

Prochain ancien British prime minister Mister Tony Blair has launched a national debate into the future of the country's armed forces. Like all Labour debates, the outcome has been pre-ordained.

The right-wing UMP party has chosen its candidate for the French presidential election. Nicholas Sarkozy, the pop-up politician whose policies are wank fantasies for David Plunkett, was nominated without opposition. His victory webcast was boycotted by the party's previous nominee, outgoing president Jacques Chirac.

In sports news, Mr. David Beckham, an association football player, has moved from Real Madrid to the Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles Galaxy. British press reports suggest that the former England captain will earn approximately €200 million over the five-year contract.

Silly scientific study of the week shows that forcing teen-agers to attend school in the morning is sub-optimal, says researcher.

News

14January

A wet, windy, and mild week. Friday was the first day without rain since 26 December.

08 Mo cloud              4/12, 2.5
09 Tu cloud, rain pm    11/13, 9.5
10 We rain o/n, sun     10/10,15.0
11 Th wind and rain, sun 7/12, 4.0
12 Fr cloud              8/13
13 Sa cloud             10/11
14 Su rain o/n, sun      4/ 8, 1.0

Rainfall this month: 52.5mm; Monthly average: 74mm.
Degree heating days: 212½
2005-6: 358/808
2004-5: 269½/677½.

Weather